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The Neo-Comintern 147
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 4 7
We Are the New International
March 25th, 2001
Editor: BMC
Writers:
Spite
BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ Interview with Harvey Keitel - BMC $
$ The Gypsies - Spite $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
(please do not read the following)
Ok, well I've got to work on a another lengthy essay this weekend,
so...
Aww, I can't do that again.
Instead, I'll tell you the story of my life (aka this issue).
It all started when I said, "Hey Spite, can you grace the N-Com with
one of your fan-tab-u-riffic articles?"
And she said, "Yeah, but on one condition. You've got to interview
my dad.
So I was like, "Awww Jeah! I've wanted to interview him for a long
time (he looks like Harvey Keitel, you know). So with that one action, two
of my life's greatest fantasies were realized and now here I am today,
sharing them with you.
And by another coincidence, the release date of this issue happens to
be the date of a little-known holiday from here in the hamlet of Saskatoon
that is known as "Family Dae." And what an amazing coincidence it is! I'm
speechless, choked up...
...cut to the articles.
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;P INTERVIEW WITH HARVEY KEITEL .b
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BMC - Hello sir. You have become famous in all of Canada, from New
Brunswick to select areas of Saskatoon, for looking like Harvey Keitel. How
does it feel to be on top of the world?
Harvey - I don't even know who Harvey Keitel is.
BMC - Fair enough. So in '86, when the world hailed you as "the next Harvey
Keitel," how did it affect your life?
Harvey - We moved to New Brunswick to have a new beginning and get away
from all the fame.
BMC - Ahh, but of course. I don't blame you. So why, if you don't mind my
asking, do you look like Harvey Keitel?
Harvey - 'Cause I feel like it.
BMC - I understand. We all feel like that at times. Now, if you got into a
fistfight with the real Harvey Keitel, who would win?
Harvey - It would have to be me, because I'm better.
BMC - What would you say is the asset of yours that Harvey Keitel can't
compete with?
Harvey - My rugged good looks and my acting ability.
BMC - Agreed. Speaking of acting, in that scene in Resevoir Dogs where Mr
White (you) finds out that Mr Orange (Tim Roth) is an undercover cop and
then shoots him in the head and gets shot up by a bunch of cops who storm
the warehouse... in that scene how did you feel? Was it scary? Did you
fear death?
Harvey - Not at all. I laugh in the face of danger.
BMC - Well if you got a dangerous job doing Harvey Keitel impersonations for
weddings, childrens birthdays, etc., how would you close the show?
Harvey - By scaring little kids, pregnant women and newlyweds.
BMC - How would you scare them?
Harvey - By doing a scene from Reservoir Dogs.
BMC - I can only imagine which scene! Ok, let's think of another scenario.
If you were a carpenter named Harvey Keitel and somebody happened to have a
flood and some water got in their basement, how much would you estimate that
it would cost to make repairs?
Harvey - Ten million.
BMC - Isn't that a bit pricey?
Harvey - Well, you only get what you pay for.
BMC - Good point! So, if you are Harvey Keitel and you were hungry, what
would you make for supper?
Harvey - A great big Harvey burger.
BMC - How appropriate! Now let's get serious for a moment if we may. If
the mythological city of Atlantis rose to the surface of the ocean and the
living human creatures of that city waged war against the mercenary fleets
of MooN MonstArs in space cruisers, which side would you support and how
would you aid their cause?
Harvey - The tribe from Atlantis. I'd part the water so they could get to
shore, because I am a god.
BMC - Why would you side with Atlantis?
Harvey - Because I, too, came from the ocean.
BMC - I'm feeling a little bit frightened and uncomfortable, so let's move
on to another topic. How did you become Harvey Keitel?
Harvey - Just woke up one morning and said, "I want to be Harvey Keitel."
BMC - And?
Harvey - And it was so.
BMC - Wow. That's cool! Will you be my friend/get high with me/give me
some money?
Harvey - Sure, why not?
BMC - Yeah!@ Cool! Those are all of the questions, thanks for the
interview, Mr Keitel!
Harvey - Please, call me Harvey.
BMC - It's been an honour. Thank you sir.
Harvey - Ahh, that's Harvey to you!
BMC - *blushing* thank you, Harvey...
Harvey - I'll be expecting my bag of weed as a payment for the interview in
the next 6 to 8 weeks.
BMC - umm... heh... hmm...
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;P THE GYPSIES .b
`q by Spite p'
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I was prompted to write an article today after a conversation with BMC about
gypsies. He is among the many who believe these people to be "pure evil."
Not so, say I! They have done nothing wrong! Has a gyspy ever stolen your
baby, or broken into your house and watched your family vacation videos when
you weren't home? I bet not! They are a magical bunch of people, and I
just know one of them is going to come up with a cure for the common cold
someday soon. Sometimes, when I am listeless and bored at work, I like to
daydream about being a gypsy. Oh, what a grand life it would be... sitting
around the campfire at night, telling stories about gypsy heroes, strumming
my ukelele and passing around a hearty jug of the finest mead. I realise
that it can never be, for one must be born into the gypsy clan in order to
truly be accepted among them, but one can always dream!
Another thing that bothers me a great deal is the painfully obvious
opposition of a Ms 'Crystal Waters' to my beloved gypsies. How can one have
such blatant disregard for them, as she does? Why, she even wrote a
terribly biased and cruel song and then had the audacity to call it Gypsy
Woman. This song should never have seen the light of day! No one would
dare not oppose a song that was disrespectful to the tribes of natives in
the Amazon forest now, would they? What of the gypsies then, I ask! She
even goes so far as to state, "She's just like you and me, but she's
homeless." Yes, Ms Waters, she is just like you and me. But she is
definitely not homeless. Why, the gyspies have the entire great outdoors to
call home! Sure, their 'home' may consist of canvas and tent poles and be
easily transferred to a new location within hours, but it is a home
nonetheless! No one ever said the nomadic tribes in the desert were
homeless! They just like to move around alot. And what better way to see
the world than that?
Gypsies of the world, I implore you, rise up! Rise and take a stand against
those who have forsaken you! You must be respected and admired. Dear
gypsies, we are nothing without you. Rise up from the depths of oppression
and take your rightful place in society! I love you all, you raggle-taggle
gyspies.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 |
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern #147-03/25/01
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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