Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Neo-Comintern 124
88P'888'Y88 888 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
P' 888 'Y 888 ee ,e e, $$
888 888 88b d88 88b $$
888 888 888 888 , the weekly capitalist electronic magazine $$
888 888 888 "YeeP" "fucking the world slowly and painfully" $$
installment number 124 $$
October 14th, 2000 $$
Y8b Y8b Y888P 888 888 $$
Y8b Y8b Y8P ,e e, ,e e, 888 ee 888 Y8b Y888P $$
Y8b Y8b Y d88 88b d88 88b 888 P 888 Y8b Y8P $$
Y8b Y8b 888 , 888 , 888 b 888 Y8b Y $$
Y8P Y "YeeP" "YeeP" 888 8b 888 888 $$
888 $$
888 $$
e88'Y88 ,e, d8 888 ,e, d8 $$
d888 'Y ,"Y88b 888 88e " d88 ,"Y88b 888 " dP"Y d88 $$
C8888 "8" 888 888 888b 888 d88888 "8" 888 888 888 C88b d88888 $$
Y888 ,d ,ee 888 888 888P 888 888 ,ee 888 888 888 Y88D 888 $$
"88,d88 "88 888 888 88" 888 888 "88 888 888 888 d,dP 888 $$
888 $$
888 $$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Editor: The Capitalism Monster
Writer/Slave: BMC
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Featured in this installment
Bending Saul Over The Table- BMC
Ask an expert: Megaman Tips- BMC
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
MONSTER'S NOTE
You know, losers, one of the main principles of Capitalism is to make money
wherever you can. So, this week I realized that even I can fall down in my
duties when it comes to the greatest system of societal organization in the
world - what I mean to say is that I have been allowing you all to read this
e-zine for FREE every week!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could have I been so blind you
might ask. Well, I don't have any easy answers for you about that; all I
can do is remedy that situation right now.
Last week I put out a special palm-pilot edition. That was good and all
because only the elite of society could read it, but I really think the time
has come to go one step further. It is a lot of trouble for me to organize
every issue in palm pilot format - even then, a lot of people, although they
had to purchase the necessary equipment, will be reading my precious words
at no cost. This will not do! I need a plan that allows me to make money
off the blood and sweat of others and at the same time weeds out those
readers who are not worthy to receive my holy message.
It came to me last night in a dream. It's simple really. This is the last
issue of the WC that you will know in the traditional style. Next week I
will implement major changes. These changes will have a two-fold impact.
First of all, every time you log on to my website, you will be treated to
advertisements. Not just the kind that hove been entertaining you within
the issues - but full colour, pop-up window types that people pay a fortune
for...
The other thing is that unless you pay a weekly fee, you won't be able to
read the weekly updates at all. Hmm, I think 10 dollars a week sounds
reasonable...
BMC: No, Capitalism Monster, I can't allow that to happen!
CM: What? Do you dare to challenge me? I'm not asking for your
permission, fool, you have no power.
BMC: Well, I'm not going to work for you anymore.
CM: Ha, ha, ha. Haven't you realized yet that I own everything? You
don't have a choice - you HAVE to work for me. If you don't you won't
have any money or security and you will die!
BMC: The so-called "security" I have is just an illusion and I'm not
willing to sell my soul for it. You always say that whatever
capitalism gives, capitalism can take away. And you know what I say?
CM: What?
BMC: Eat my fuck. I'm not waiting around for any small breadcrumbs you
might decide to throw my way.
CM: BMC, your insults mean nothing to me. What you say is a lie and you
know it. Everybody knows that if you work really hard within my
system, it won't be just breadcrumbs that you get. No, the harder you
work, the richer you'll get and you can have all the luxuries you ever
dreamed of - cars, mansions, jewels, travel - anything you want.
BMC: Oh, I am going to work hard, my monster, BUT I am going to work
AGAINST you, not for you! HA HA what do you think about that?
CM: I don't think much of it at all and believe me, I'm not scared.
Working against capitalism isn't going to get you anywhere. Working
for capitalism, on the other hand, you have a chance to get ahead.
You don't have to be employed by someone your whole life. In my
system everybody has a chance to be part of the upper class, after a
few years of learning the ropes, you could start your own business.
This is the land of opportunity, BMC, and you can't deny it.
BMC: I know lots of people who have been workers their whole lives and
never started their own business.
CM: Those people are lazy and aren't ambitions enough.
BMC: Most people don't even see a point in trying. Don't most small
businesses fail in their first year?
CM: Those people weren't smart enough, they just don't have what it takes.
BMC: What does it take Capitalism Monster? The only way to "get ahead" in
a capitalist society is to own and exploit workers. Why would you
defend a system where people aspire to gain wealth by putting others
at a disadvantage?
CM: Well, I'm on top aren't I?
BMC: Hmm... well you won't be for long because I'm going to kick your ass,
thereby inheriting your millions. P.S. did I mention that I am going
to share that money with the poor?
CM: Wait just a second. Before you begin a journey toward certain death,
perhaps you should know that you'll be fighting alone. Yes, BMC, even
your precious writers have joined my cause and so there is no one left
to help you. You must face the facts, you have no choice but to give
in to me.
BMC: How about if I DON'T give in to you? Wait, did you say the
writers... ?
CM: That's right BMC, they SOLD OUT!
BMC: I don't believe you, I know for a fact that Gnarly Wayne would never
give in.
CM: I set him up in a factory. He's on drugs and a happy little
proletariat.
BMC: But that's impossible! He has a degree in communism.
CM: Ha! He finally opened his eyes and realized that a degree in
communism doesn't get you anywhere in this system. He didn't get any
money or respect writing for the Neo-Comintern and so he decided to
abandon that lifestyle for good.
BMC: Is he getting money and respect now?
CM: I put a few pennies in his pocket every week.
BMC: So I guess he's basically as well-off as ever. But I don't believe
that the other writers would abandon their ideals.
CM: Well, I have to admit that Margarina was a tough one.
BMC: Despite her buttery exterior she has a heart of iron and would never
give in to such a foul beast as yourself.
CM: First of all, I don't do the dirty work myself, I have foul minions to
carry out my evil plots for me. Second of all, although Margarina
wouldn't give in to my demands, even after I had her pool boy, Ted,
repeatedly tortured...
BMC: [aside] Well that's because he's just a mannequin that she pretends is
real.
CM: ...I still won out in the end. I sent her to a far away concentration
camp where she is forced to plant trees all day.
BMC: That sounds absolutely horrific!
CM: Planting trees isn't the worst of it - don't you know she does that
every summer anyway? The terrible thing about it is that the trees
she's planting get turned into the paper I print anti-socialist
propaganda on.
BMC: [gasps]
CM: And you know who writes that anti-socialist propaganda that is printed
on Margarina's trees, don't you?
BMC: Probably Cog, right?
CM: No, I had something much worse planned for him. It is actually Junior
Haagis who is penning the words that will bring the entire world into
my control. All it took to lure him to my side was a half-eaten
chicken leg.
BMC: Who ate the other half?
CM: Why, capitalism of course!
BMC: Well I never!
CM: And now, to explain the fate of your precious Cog.
BMC: Oh don't tell me... he works at a convenience store and his car
doesn't work and he's unemployed and dead and hiding underground and
obsessing over Factoria while receiving prank calls from cults...
CM: Shut up! You're not even making any sense. No, none of those
things... something much, much worse. Something you couldn't even
imagine.
BMC: really. like what.
CM: Well, maybe I exaggerated a bit. It's actually pretty good. I have
him set up in a plush office where he has his own private bathroom, a
beautiful view, consultants to plan his entertainment schedule, free
access to all the porn sites, two secretaries and a chef.
BMC: Well that sounds not too bad. What is his job?
CM: He has various simple tasks that he is asked to do. There is a lot of
variety though because there is usually something new to do each week.
BMC: Does that mean...?
CM: Yes. Cog is forced to meet deadlines.
BMC: Oh really? That actually sounds very WAIT A MINUTE! NOBODY MAKES COG
MEET DEADLINES! NO-BODY! GrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAArRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
[They fight, Capitalism is mortally wounded]
CM: But BMC, you never told me your real name.
BMC: You couldn't pronounce it.
CM: Really? I bet I could.
BMC: It's Joel.
CM: Oh. [dies]
Chorus: And that's the story of how the BMC defeated the Capitalism Monster
and gave all of his millions to an unnamed charity.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
(In Order of Appearance)
THE CAPITALISM MONSTER - a capitalist monster
THE BMC - our hero
CHORUS - their mutual friend
EDITOR'S NOTE
Sorry about that, I needed a moment to collect myself.
The Capitalism Monster has *pant pant* finally been defeated *pant
pant* and I suppose that is all there is to be said *pant* for now. Oh yeah,
and this...
.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . . . .
. . . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ..........
nnnnnn nnn nnn nnn
$ $$ $ $$ $$b $
$$ $$nd$b .d$$b. $`$b $ .d$$b. .d$$b.
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $ `$b $ $$ $$ $$ $$ nnn
$$ $$ $$ $$"""" $ `$b$ $$"""" $$ $$ """
nSSn nSSi SSn "Sbnn" nSn `SS "Sbnn" "SbdS"
.nP"=$$ $P nnn TM
$$ "" `n' n$$nnn
$$ .d$$b. $$$nd$bnd$b nnn $$$nd$b $$ .d$$b. $$$nd$b $$$nd$b
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ S$ $$ $$
$$ i$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$"""" $$ $$ $$
"SbndS" "SbdS" nSSi SSn SSn nSSi nSSi SSn "Sbn" "Sbnn" nSSi nSSi SSn
REIGNS SUPREME SO RAISE THE RED FLAG, MOTHERFUCKERS!
.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . . . .
. . . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ..........
Jeah!
.d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
.d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #124-10/14/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
