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The Neo-Comintern 099
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 9 9
LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW - WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
0002 ,ht02 hcraM - March 20th, 2000
CMB :rotidE - Editor: BMC
:sretirW - Writers:
B edarmoK - Komrade B
CMB - BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ Hampster Dance Rebuttle- Komrade B $
$ I'm Dead Inside- BMC $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Today we have some very special articles for you, our loving
audience. The first is a posthumous release from the late Sir Komrade B. In
this article he lovingly attacks Cog's opinion of the Hamsterdance site as
expressed in "Fuck This Shit, And Kill The Man Who Made It" (issue 87). He
makes several valid points in it, and you will note that some of his
merchandising ideas have now become reality on our ordering page.
The second article, well, it kinda speaks for itself. Bye.
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;P HAMPSTER DANCE REBUTTLE .b
`q by Komrade B p'
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Okay so I am sitting here and I am totally listening to the hamster
dance webpage. Cog hates it and that is his opinion, but his opinion is
fucking retarded. I am going to compare the hampsterdance site to our own
site, The Comintern.
First of all this the hampsterdance site is l33t, and man can those
hamsters dance. They could be the most generous creatures in the world.
They dance without rest for months at a time, and receive no payment for
their service. The music played on the site is top notch and the perfect
setting for some of the internet's best merchandise.
The Comintern has no dancing hampsters. In fact, there is no music
or dancing things anywhere (Unless you count that lame ass javascript of me
closing in on the camera trying to eat you). Then I look to see if The
Comintern is selling anything. The only thing I see is the hard copy edition
of The Comintern, which is really second rate at best, highly overpriced, and
I think we used the copies we had for toilet paper during the rapture.
Hampster 1 Comintern 0.
The first thing I see in the hampsterdance store is some sweat shirts
and T-Shirts of the hampsters. These look pretty Kewl and they are durable
pre-shrunk cotton. These are the perfect gifts for that work-aholic family
member or co-worker. The hardest working critters on the internet for the
hardest working person in the company. Now granted, if you bought or wear
one of these shirts you are a big fag, but then again if you are a real hard
worker you already are one and an idiot to boot. Everyone knows this
country was built with hard work but maintained with slothfulness.
The Comintern does not offer any sort of clothing line. It's really
a shame, because I think there should be some shirts of each of the writers
picture on them. I have a pic of myself, BMC, and B-Funk in a dogpile on the
couch. You could put that picture on the front and put the word "Gang Bang"
on the back. That would get people's attention, and a point for The
Comintern. Instead, since both sites pull lame, I award no score.
OOOwwww! Coffee mugs are next on the list. I usually get coffee
mugs for free from all sorts of sources in fact I think people would be
rather retarded to actually go out and purchase a mug. (I don't even know
where they would sell them), but since hampsterdance is kewl I wouldn't mind
shelling out 6 bucks american plus shipping and handling for one mug
especially when the mugs have been marked down from 13 bucks! I actually
called to make an order for one mug and they told me if I ordered four I
would get the fourth free. I replied "No shit! You mean I could buy four
mugs for only 18 bucks plus shipping and handling?" I converted that to
Canadian and figured I would have to pay 29.37 in Canadian funds for
everything. It was still a great deal but then I learned about the GST which
would tack on another 2.10 and since I only sold out for 30 bucks I never
bought the mugs.
The Comintern does not have any mugs nor do they offer any sort of
appliances for the purpose of drinking. I once suggested to BMC that we
each take a block of clay and stick or erect manhoods into the clay. Then
we could bake the clay and fashion goblets. The liquid would pour into and
be contained by the imprints our manhoods left in the clay. My mugs would be
marketed as tankards, whereas BMC would market his a children glasses with
the cute name "Lil Squirt." He never liked this idea, so no mugs where made
and The Comintern gets no points. The hampster site on gets 1/2 a point
because their mugs are l337 but GST wouldn't let me get them.
Next up we have some sort of hampster doll for sale. They are 8
inches tall and only 2000 of them were made, and for some reason they are
only a buck more then the regular price of the coffee mugs. I actually
inquired if there was actually only two thousand of them in existence and
they informed me that there were in fact only that many made. I then asked
if they should be worth more than beanie babies. They replied that they may
one day be, but I disagreed and said that there hampsters sucked ass, and the
only reason they were so cheap is because they filled them with asbestos.
They hung up on me neither denying the fact or admitting to it.
The Comintern has no dolls and that is a good thing. Dolls are lame.
Hampsterdance 2.5 Comintern 0.
The Hampster Dance site has a policy list. I never read it and
realized I had already violated three things on the list as well as two
American laws which included defamation of character.
1). I stole BMC's credit card to buy all the things of their site,
which I found out you cannot do.
2). I called and asked repeatedly if I could buy a screen saver of
the hampster dance for my friend Cog. I even went so far as to spam on ICQ
and news groups to see if any hackers had made one.
3). I am 12 years old.
4). I thought the hampster was ten feet tall.
Lastly the hampster dance site has no real articles, whereas The
Comintern has many articles and I even wrote some of them and some of those
articles are not that bad either!! I asked the makers of the hampster dance
why they never wrote any articles, and they replied, "We don't have time to
write articles. We are too busy selling out!!" Well, I thought that was
deadly, and I put the hampster dance site ahead of The Comintern for the l337
site of the year by a score of 22 - 16. If we make a few changes to be more
like the hampster site I believe The Comintern will win next year.
The End.
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;P I'M DEAD INSIDE .b
`q by BMC p'
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In my opinion, the most underused phrase in the English language is
"I'm dead inside." Sure it gets used every once in awhile, but once in
awhile is not enough. The words are language to my ears, though.
I think my favorite thing about the phrase is that I don't know what
it means! It could mean that you have become devoid of emotion, or maybe it
means that your kidneys stopped working, or maybe it could mean something
that I haven't even thought of! It's ambiguous, and that's one awesome thing
it's got going for it.
I humbly bow to the magnificance of this phrase. It has been stuck
in my mind ever since I asked my girlfriend how her day had been and she
said, "I'm dead inside." I looked at her for a second and then I erupted
with laughter because it was just so funny. Then I poked her stomach with
my finger and said, "you're not dead in there!" She started laughing, so I
guess she wasn't really dead inside after all.
I guess I took things too far after that. For the rest of the day I
continually approached strangers and told them I was dead inside. I guess
most of them didn't know how to take the news, because they'd usually just
ignore me or walk away.
In the past couple of days, I've determined that "I'm dead inside" is
the greatest phrase since "hi," and I'd like to encourage you to use it as
much as possible. I think it would be really funny if this term came to
replace "I love you" as the most often said and least often meant phrase in
the human dictionary. Then we can finally start production on the three cent
coin.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #99-03/20/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
