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The Neo-Comintern 119
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888 888 888 888 , the weekly capitalist electronic magazine $$
888 888 888 "YeeP" "fucking the world slowly and painfully" $$
installment number 119 $$
August 24th, 2000 $$
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Editor: The Capitalism Monster
Writer/Slave: BMC
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Featured in this installment
A Serious Balloon Matter- BMC
Ask an expert: Cadets- BMC
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MONSTER'S NOTE
This week one of my faithful followers wrote to me informing me that
BMC snuck an underground message in at the bottom of issue 118. Rest assured
my friends, I knew all about it. I allowed Mr. BMC to include his "secret"
message in to prove that I am not afraid of him or his vigilante comrades.
They may huff and puff but they will never blow the house of Capitalism to
the ground.
Speaking of the strength of Capitalism, my friend Capitalism Rocks
sent his regards recently and I wanted all my readers to hear what he had to
say:
"Capitalism Monster, you rock. It is about time that the hard
working people of Canada and the rest of the world finally had a voice.
Capitalism is the only thing that keeps the world functioning smoothly. If
it was not for capitalism everyone would be treated equally when they
shouldn't be. Keep up the good work."
How refreshing, to hear from such an articulate and obviously
brilliant individual. I take these words of insight as rock-solid proof
that my message is being received and accepted all across this wonderful
nation of ours. Of course, there are those who still cling to the outdated
and second-rate (at best) editorialship of BMC. I will include an excerpt
of a letter from one of these half-wits just to demonstrate the moronic
nature of these socialists:
"[The Neo-Comintern] exists still within the hearts and minds of all
it's [sic] readers. Much like the Mother Russia of old, we offer
unconditional love. A suckling, nuturing [sic] love. Not the shallow,
fingers-crossed-behind-the-back, 'Let's do lunch sometime.' love that exists
between one back-stabbing, middle-class bastard to another. Oh, we'll be
back alright! With or without BMC!" -Junior Haagis <saintsammy@hotmail.com>
This gnat is so slow that he labels Capitalists as "shallow" and
"back-stabbing" in one breath and proceeds to abandon his precious comrade
BMC in the next. "With or without BMC" hey? Well just like BMC, you are
too ineffectual to accomplish anything other than whining and complaining.
You know, that's what I love about socialists, they like to cry a lot about
the state of the world but they are too lazy to ever do anything about it -
this leaves us Capitalists to run things virtually unimpeded... and believe
me, we're having a glorious time of it.
BMC has written some articles this week that are mildly
entertaining. I am very disappointed in his work ethic lately - even
repeated whipping hasn't seemed to motivate him. I did get an interesting
piece of writing from Capitalism Rocks this week which I will share with
you. If only BMC could be more like this wonderful fellow.
What's Hot And What's Not - Top 5 Lists of Monsters
-Capitalism Rocks <capitalismrocks@hotmail.com>
WHAT'S HOT
1. Capitalism Monster
Reason: How can you not love anything that deals with capitalism.
Capitalism is the best.
2. Cookie Monster
Reason: He likes cookies and is a symbol of capitalism. He hoards all of
his cookies and does not share with Grover or Elmo.
3. Herman Munster
Reason: If not for Herman Munster, the hit T.V. show "The Munsters" would
have been a flop and no Hollywood execs. would have been able to make a
profit at the expense of others.
4. The Town of Muenster
Reason: What reasons can you give to why The Town of Muenster is not hot?
Zero.
5. The Monsters from the book "Where the Wild Things Are"
Reason: How can you not call something hot when it provided you with hours
of entertainment as a child?
WHAT'S NOT
1. The Sphinx
Reason: The only good thing to ever come out of Egypt was slaves for us
capitalist gods.
2. Dracula
Reason: He drinks blood and is afraid of crosses. Obviously this is a
metaphor for homosexuality.
3. The Socialist Monster
Reason: The Socialist Monster does not exist because if he did he would
suck. If The Socialist Monster had his/her way all the other monsters would
be equal in scariness. This would not be fair to the monsters that spent
their whole lives trying to become scary. If they worked harder to become
scarier then they should get the respect that they deserve.
P.S. Socialism sucks.
4. Roy Romanow
Reason: AKA The Socialist Monster. See number 3.
5. The Skeleton Man in My Dreams
Reason: He gives me nightmares and does not allow me to sleep. I hate him.
Well, I hope you enjoyed hearing what some of the loyal readers had to say.
I must admit that most of the letters I received were terrible and too
idiotic to even include. The ones I have printed for you this week are the
best of those and they aren't even that good.
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Our sponsor this week is HOE magazine <http://www.hoe.nu>. In case you
haven't heard yet, they are releasing their last issue because the Weekly
Capitalist has run them out of business. With the last two-hundred dollars
in their corporate account they have paid for sponsorship of this issue and
for that reason are worth a read. For the extra fifty bucks that Mogel gave
us out of his own pocket we have awarded HOE with the "Weekly Capitalist
full support award." This means that we believe in everything they stand
for and will publically announce that a minimum of three times over the next
fifty-two (52) weeks.
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A SERIOUS BALLOON MATTER
by BMC
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Ok, this is my story and that's all there is to it.
I want - no, I NEED at least one balloon of each colour.
When I say balloon I mean a rubber pouch filled with helium on the end of a
ribbon. A string will do if necessary, but I would strongly prefer a ribbon
in this matter.
And when I say at least one I mean two or three, but as a last resort I will
accept one (though I will not be happy about it).
And when I talk about colours I mean every colour in the infinite spectrum,
but if only colours that balloons are manufactured in can be provided then
that will have to be sufficient.
And they better have lots of helium in them, but if they're so tight that I
can't sit down on them without breaking them then that will make me mad.
And I want them right away. And I want two black ones.
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ASK AN EXPERT: CADETS
by BMC
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"BMC, as a subordinate of the Capitalism Monster are you still
capable of Love?"
Well... I love KKKadets, 'specially the Air KKKadets and Army
KKKadets. This wonderful program allows people to enlist in the Armed
Forces when they are 12 years old, and the way I see it is that the sooner
we have them fighting, the better. I love war, because it is KKKapitalism
in its purest form. War is a fairer and more KKKompetitive system, just
like an economic plan after a hard right-wing tax reform! If we can
brainwash all of the children while they are young, we can increase support
for our way of life and reduce tolerance of other cultures! And once we
have trained the children to kill, we can use them as enforcers of
KKKapitalism, not only as a threat to other countries, but also to take
care of anyone who gets out of line in my country. Oh, and when I refer to
getting out of line, I am talking about unwholesome things like believing in
equality or workers' rights. Workers have plenty of rights already. They
have the right to work and they have the right not to get their asses pipe-
beaten in the alley IF they listen to what I say and believe everything I
tell them to. So, in answer to your question, no.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #119-08/24/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern/Weekly Capitalist.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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