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The Neo-Comintern 074
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 7 4
.WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
.August 25th, 1999
.Editor: BMC
.Writers:
.Junior Haagis
.BMC
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";P'
Featured in this installment: `$
$
Weekly Horoscopes- Junior Haagis ;P
Voyage From Atlantis c.ii- BMC d'
;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
EDITOR'S NOTE
Komrades. Komrades. Komrades! In this new issue, the spotlight
shines on Junior Haagis' new weekly feature, "Weekly Horoscopes," and also,
the muthafuckin saga continues with the Atlantean serial. Komrades? Aside
from that, I suppose I should update you all on the current debate of
whether or not to change the name of "The Comintern" to "The Love." The
pros and cons are obviously to all of you, so I won't get into particulars.
If anyone has feedback on the decision, send me an email and let me know.
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";P'
WEEKLY HOROSCOPES d'
by Junior Haagis ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
You know what you want to be doing with your life, so why aren't you
doing it? Perhaps the rarest of opportunities continues to elude you. Could
it be you lack the confidence, an adequate skill level, the necessary talent,
or even average intelligence? If that's the case, not to worry; you're about
to get the break you've been praying for. A quick and painless one between
the third and fourth vertibrae.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
A co-worker, in a disagreement, abruptly kicks you in the face.
Your adrenileine rush is at a fever pitch, and you quickly shake off the
effects of the blow. Laugh heartily, and promptly stomp his head into
pablum. Afterwards, reward yourself.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Comes now the time when you should move on with your life and finally
cease the grieving over the loss of loved ones. I mean, you did indirectly
cause it. Remember?
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Guess what. You've got cancer. Consult a specialist.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Cheap cologne becomes you. An unenviable traight, but works in your
case. Pat yourself on the back.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
To your shock, you suddenly realize you're a 35 year old still-born
baby (which explains a lot).
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
A headache just before bedtime quickly turns into a swollen lump on
your temple by morning. It constantly pushes into your brain. Now for some
reason, you believe you have to prove your superiority in,..well,.. just
about everything. Any professional physician might tell you that you have
advanced terminal terechonitus, but any amateur psycologist would say you're
currently feeling inferior about something. But why? You have so much going
for you. You've always been a match for anyone else's abilities. Stop
comparing yourself to healthy, non-afflicted people.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Do you rapture in the sensation of ignited kerosene trailing up to
your buttocks? Then look to the horizon. True love comes your way.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Twelve toes with one of the extra two growing out of the cleft in
your chin? At least get the one operation. Please!
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
You have unresolved issues with your step-mother. You feel that
somehow, by her intrusion, she is the reason why you feel alienated from your
father. But it really resides in the fact that not having ever known your
own mother, you feel some pent up frustrations caused by neglect and loss.
And so you vent them against this surrogate parent figure. Be the first to
offer an olive branch, and quickly put this ugliness behind you. Plus, now
would be a good time to get that wart removed from your g-spot.
AUQUARIUS (January 20 - Febraõry 18)
I see in the near future, a can-opener bought at a garage-sale
quickly leads to trikinosis poisoning. At the very least, haggle for a
discount when you buy. Show the seller this horoscope as a bargaining aid.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
You learn, after reading a recent horoscope, about its obvious
connection to the occult and Satan. Consult your neighbor's pets for
tonight's instructions.
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";P'
VOYAGE FROM ATLANTIS (chapter ii) d'
by BMC ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
With the blessing of our grandfather, Poseidon, Komrade B and I
embarked on what might have easily been our final journey. We boarded
the former king's own sub-water boat and pushed off toward the evil surface
world. Suffice it to say that it was a terrible trip.
First of all, I never should have let Komrade B drive the sub-water
boat. He put a Sade (prounced shar-day) tape into the deck and was playing
the music way too loud. Then he had to stop to go to the bathroom every
half hour, and to top it all off, he rear-ended some sub-water truck at a
red light. The trip was very short in terms of minutes and seconds, but it
was eternal in measure of patience.
When we reached the surface, we were outside of an extremely large
building. This made Komrade B very angry, and he began kicking and punching
himself until he became injured. I told him he needed to stay and protect
the sub-water boat, which was a total lie because the sub-water boat would
probably end up protecting him!
Figuring that this was the castle of my mortal enemy, Proteus, I
stormed the building, kicked the doors open, and beheld a most awesome sight.
The room was filled with gigantic stone men that were about fifty feet tall.
They moved very slowly, and while they were creating a battle plan, I
castrated, decapitated, and dismembered every one of them with the Trident of
Neptune.
After I had vanquished my foes, I took note of the many pictures that
hung on the walls, the sign that said "museum." The thought hit me that they
may have actually been statues, and as this filled my mind, a swarm of
normal-sized security guards were rushing me. They had a score of blades to
my one, and I determined that I could only take half of them out. As the
battle ensued, I took note of how much more difficult these opponents were,
and as I felt my trident puncture the throat of an adversary, I further
considered the mismatched fight.
After several minutes, there were twelve officers left, and I was yet
unscathed. As I thrusted the trident between the ribs of another foe, the
pole snapped, and I was left unarmed against 11 viscious attackers. I
imagined Komrade B sleeping inside the sub-water boat and wondered whether
I would survive this encounter.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #74-08/25/99
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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