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The Neo-Comintern 083
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 8 3
WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL - LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW
November 19th, 1999 - 9991 ,ht91 rebmevoN
Editor: BMC - CMB :rotidE
Writers: - :sretirW
Junior Haagis - sigaaH roinuJ
BMC - CMB
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ Komrade B, We Will Miss You- BMC $
$ Komrade B - It Was Only A Matter of Time- Junior Haagis $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
A wise man once had this to say about life and death:
"One never knows the sweetness of a berry until its juice has been
squeezed. It is merely a useless fruit until it has been plucked and crushed
between your teeth. The life spills like blood down your throat, the stem
is left in the past and forgotten, and the fibre is excreted. All that is
left is the memory of the sweetness that will never be tasted again."
-Dylan Thomas
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;P KOMRADE B, WE WILL MISS YOU .b
`q by BMC p'
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I have been informed by the other writers that Komrade B has recently
passed on. This is paramount tragedy much like the deaths of Eazy-E, W.O.
Mitchell (my father), and Jason Bateman were. It's been very hard on me,
and most of my time in the past few weeks has been spent seeking comfort
from friends, family, and my one true love. I'd like to thank everybody for
being so supportive of me during this time. I know that we all have our own
grieving to do, and I am going to do my best to be strong for all of you as
you have done for me. The purpose of this article, however, is not for me
to express my feelings about all of you. It is to tell you about Komrade B
and what he meant to me.
Back when I started up the original Comintern series in 1995 it was
basically just a way for me to write up biased and judgemental articles and
force other people to read them. I figured that if I made several text files
and gave a name to the series that they would have a better chance of
surviving. Anyway, the point is that the e-zine was nothing special. In
fact, it was less than nothing special. Berry came over one day and wrote
something for the Comintern and it pretty much sucked as much as the rest of
it. Well, it was a political magazine by people who knew nothing about
politics. We did some more writing over the next weeks, and one night we
came up with something that was actually amusing. While playing a bunch of
video gamez we got from Animal we started talking about how the games would
be so much better if they had communist themes. It was funny at the time, so
I forced Berry to write them up after we were done playing. It was
beautiful, and in the next weeks we ran the series to 15 issues. Then we
stopped cause our girlfriends said we sucked.
In early 1998, Berry, Gnarly Wayne and I went to a movie at Place
Riel, and to no real surprise Wayne's car died and we had to wait in a
confectionary for several hours until CAA came and towed his piece of shit,
erh, I mean art. Luckily, the confectionary proudly boasted ownership of
two of the best games ever programmed: Gal's Panic and Bust A Move. After
playing them all night, Berry and I penned "I Love You, Yuki!" and "Young MC
Was Right." It was the start of the new era of The Comintern, but this time
it would be called "The Neo-Comintern." And so it was born.
During the year and a half that Berry wrote for The Neo-Comintern,
we saw his beautiful articles about MONSTER LABOUR CAMPS, Sea Monstars, MoOn
MonStarS, and... come to think of it most of his articles were about monsters
of some sort. This is a good thing, though, cause monsters rule.
His articles added something very special to the N-Com. Oh damn I
know there was something. It was on the top of my head, but I forgot it.
Anyway, he did add something. When he was alive, his articles always brought
great happiness to me, but now that he is dead all that they do is make me
miss him more.
Komrade B had one true passion, and I feel that it is my duty as his
friend to take this stand for something he believed so strongly in: War
Bonds. Yes, Komrade B had a prosthetic leg which prevented him from being
able to join the military, but he still supported his country in the best way
he could. He worked hard in the factory and put all of his money into War
Bonds. It is the least any patriotic Canadian can do. So I advise you all
to follow his example with me and use your hard-earned money to protect our
freedom!
Nobody knows why Komrade B committed suicide, but I can't help but
feel responsible. I mean, I feel like I could have helped him or saved his
life or something. Apparently spilling his heart into the magazine was too
much for him, and one day he broke and ended his life. The warning signs
were there. For months he was not being his usual high-spirited self. He
looked unenthusiastic about everything and he would often start crying
without reason. One day he started talking to me about religion and told me
that he had found the Jewish faith and that there was nothing for him to fear
because he was going to be going to a better place soon. I imagined he was
talking about Tahiti or somthing and laughed it off cause I knew he couldn't
afford to go to Tahiti. Well it looks like Berry got the last laugh.
Anyway, it was a soft suicide, done by taking an overdose of sleeping
pills. To me this is ironic, because I have been prescribed sleeping pills
by the doctor as well, because that is the only way I have been able to sleep
since the death of my dear friend. Perhaps I will dream of him tonight, or
perhaps I might wake up in the place where he is. I don't know what could
happen if I tried to follow him, but a world without my one true love Komrade
B is not a world for me. Wait for me, Berry, wait for me. We will meet
again.
d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
;P KOMRADE B - IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME .b
`q by Junior Haagis p'
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or
"How I Won Big in the Office Pool"
When I heard the news, a sudden shock fired through me and I
collapsed in a heap of screaming insanity. Subsequently, this was how I
banged my elbow on the coffee decanter, and thus I was immediately consoled
by friends and lovers. So much so, that we forgot about Komrade B for
awhile. I think maybe it was the following Friday sometime after lunch that
the pain of the tragedy really hit the hardest. B meant so much to this
publication. Cheap commie bastards that we are, I think he meant even more
to us personally, him being a cheap commie bastard and all.
And so come the spoils.
We all got dibs on a vast and varied harem of Malaysian pleasure-
skanks B kept in a huge lazy-susan. I mean HUGE!
Cog claimed a collection of powder-blue leisure-suits from B's London
villa. He found them in a special walk-in closet; when you opened the
folding doors it played a haunting, 101 strings instramental version of
Biz Markie's 'Just a Friend'.
Gnarly Wayne found a fortune's worth of 'Ice Capades' souveneir
programs dating back to 1937. The story goes that B's grandmother passed
them down to his sisters and that B used to roll them up and beat them about
face with them. Shortly afterwards, half his family mysteriously disapeared.
And BMC dropped B's dad, and got $700,000 in a signed cheque that B
left his family in hopes that they'd publicly donate the funds to any
organization sworn to cure a condition B souly referred to as "70's Style
Banana-Tits". Whatever the hell he meant by that, thankfully he took it to
the grave.
And for me, there were B's own pickled remains sectioned into twelve,
and this creepy Plaster of Paris death mask cast from B's face with
tire-treads obscuring the eyes. How 'bout that?
None of us openly expressed any interest in the Lunar or Mars MoNstaR
Labour Camps. They go up on the block on Thursday if anyone's interested.
Life support in boths facilities are predicted to fail on the Tuesday prior
to the auction.
So in closing, Berry, I mean, Jason...that's the luck then, eh?
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #83-11/19/99
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
