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The Neo-Comintern 093
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 9 3
LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW - WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
0002 ,ht62 yraunaJ - January 26th, 2000
CMB :rotidE - Editor: BMC
:sretirW - Writers:
amsylcataC aniragraM - Margarina Cataclysma
CMB - BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ About Being A Moonstar- Margarina Cataclysma $
$ The Top 15 Atoms of the Millinneum- BMC $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
letters words spaces punctuation arrangement beauty
Blow me.
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;P ABOUT BEING A MOONSTAR .b
`q by Margarina Cataclysma p'
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I must confess, before my sordid Moonstar past surfaces some other
way, of my previous penchant for killing zombies. Now some women carve
notches into their bedposts each time they devour a man, but me, well, I
carved a notch whenever I kicked the ripe head of a zombie clear off it's
body. (I liked to holler BUENOS NOtCHES to the newly decapitated zombie too,
as sort of a sick personal joke to myself.) And let me tell you, gentle
readers of all ilk, that there are no fewer than a million zombie notches on
my bedframe. So I just thought it might be prudent to reveal this info
myself lest some rotting corpse collapse out of my closet one of these days.
Please don't hold it against me, I am sure that those of you who are zombies
realize that one of the greatest things about decomposing flesh is the
satisfying thunk the pieces make when they hit the pavement. It is a sound
we all love, no? It is a sound to make a zombie mother proud, no?
Now for those of you out there who are concerned that you or your
loved ones might be susceptible to these urges to kill zombies, there is
hope. At least for us Moonstars, anyway. (I am one, apparently. In my next
life I hope to be a carp because I hear that they are lucky) This is what
you do to avoid being a zombie murderer: don't eat so many christmas oranges,
and for lurching christ's sake, lay off the Rolo ice cream! Another thing
that might help is if you leave your handgun at home when you go to the
corner store.
Lately what I have done to avoid the so-called accidental deaths of
zombies that I have come across is munching carrots. Now I know, I know,
this calls into question the ethics of eating carrots. Am I merely replacing
one genocidal tendency for another? I cannot tell, I am almost completely
without reference on this one. For those of you who are interested, one's
notch carving knife dulls less quickly if one is chopping carrots instead of
hacking through bone and other connective tissue.
Anyhoo, I am boarding a plane at oh one hundred hours, apparently I
am needed for some sort of consultation thingee over in Iran, I do sometimes
wish that people could make up their minds about things without my help. Oh
well. By the way, Moonstar women do not need to cover their heads in Islamic
countries. This makes travelling there more pleasant, and I especially love
the way the men curl up into little foot-stool shaped balls for my foot-
resting pleasure. But perhaps I should save that anecdote for another day.
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;P THE TOP 15 ATOMS OF THE MILLINNEUM .b
`q by BMC p'
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Since Wayne wrote that article about the top ten people of the
millennium, I suppose I should write one about something cool too. Since
Wayne already talked about all of the important people, I had to find another
worthy category; I chose atoms. You have to realize that the atoms aren't
created equal, and there are about one-hundred-et-six different kinds of
atoms, people! I looked back on the last millennium and determined which
elements have done the coolest stuff in the past 1000 years, and here are my
findings- my top 15 list!
15) Mo(42)- I have no idea what this stands for, but every time I see
it I imagine Busta Rhymes saying "Gimme Some Mo," and for some reason that
amuses me.
14) B(5)- Boron is the st8 shit! It reminds me of Borox, and that
stuff gets clothes pretty clean. I love it all the time! Or maybe I'm
thinking of Clorox. Anyway, I think this element gets a bad rap by the
mischevious tykes that call it "bore-on." It may not know how to party, but
it does its best and for that reason it deserves a spot on my list.
13) Au(79)- This one was a three way tie with blue and green, but
then I realized that blue and green weren't elements. Actually, I thought
I was making a top ten of colours at first, so that is the way that gold
made the list. It's pretty lookin', and apparently it is an element too.
12) Ag(47)- The giant is greater.
11) Li(3)- Everybody loves lithium. When you eat this you become
happy cause you find your friends in your head and you start up a rock group
and be cool and then you kill yourself and get rich (in that order).
10) Pb(82)- We all love lead and the good things it does for us, but
not everyone knows that Pb stands for the Latin "Plumbum." HAhHAhHAh I think
that is quite funny.
9) (Unq)(104)- Nobody knows what the hell this one is, and that makes
it kinda cool. It reminds me of the beginning of the Batman movie when he
tells the crook "I want you to tell all your friends about me." (Unq) has
also attempted to advertise itself by word of mouth, but it hasn't caught on
yet.
8) U(92)- Uranium is number one out of the actinide series, and it is
also very dangerous to human beings! I think my favourite thing about this
atom, though, is that if you say "hey you!" it will turn and look even if you
are not talking to it.
7) Kr(36)- Though I greatly prefer Marvel to DC comics, I still have
to give some respect to Superman's home planet. Krypton, this one's fa you!
6) O(8)- Oxygen. We all love living and breathing and such, and I
think this would be a lot less fun if we were breathing Californium. That
would probably really suck. Thanks, oxygen!
5) Ra(88)- Word to Ra!
4) H(1)- The first and most influential atom, Hydrogen inspired a
whole series of atoms to spontaneously create themselves. Definitely one of
the most important of all time, Hydrogen popularized the idea of atoms and
blazed trails so the rest could follow in his footsteps.
3) Ba(56)- Named for Komrade B, Barium doesn't do much, but it is
charming nonetheless and has a penchant for 17 year old girls.
2) P(15)- Named after a famous doctor-turned-super-villain,
Phosphorus is necessary to sustain human life and tastes great on a cracker.
1) He(2)- Number two on the periodic table, but number one in your
heart. Helium is names for the famous blue Healer named Healie from my
favourite game and yours, Dragon Warrior 4. He is the one who helped us
learn that magical keys DO EXIST! If you have never played DW4, I suggest
that you download it from an emulation site right now.
Well that completes the list. I think I have done a good job at
picking the top 15 of the millennium, but I have a feeling that my work isn't
done. If you have a complaint (as I know Wayne will), feel free to email me
so I know what changes should be made for the next list (to be released in
January 3000). Peace!
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #93-01/26/00
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