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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 5 5
.WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
.March 8th, 1999
.Editor: BMC
.Writers:
.Komrade B
.BMC
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";P'
Featured in this installment: `$
;P
Poseidon VS Proteus; The First Battle- BMC and Komrade B d'
;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
EDITOR'S NOTE
(Komrade B)
Well ,what can we say but that we have a very special treat for you
today. The creators of The Comintern have come together, how shall we say
it, to pen a duet of the trials and tribulations that have made Atlantis what
it is today. In keeping in context with the official celebration of The
Comintern's one year anniversary, we are releasing the largest installment.
It pens the tale of an early Atlantis built from the ground up, and the epic
battle between our grandfather and the vile Proteus for the hand of our
delicate grandmother. So as we bled and suffered to survive you may enjoy it
in rich, ascii format. From us at The Comintern.. Thank you for a great
year.
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";P'
POSEIDON VS PROTEUS; THE FIRST BATTLE d'
by BMC and Komrade B ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
People have raved of the tales of Atlantis in the previous issues.
Many tales have graced your screen including: Voyage to Atlantis, Weegie
Dreams, the Ren one, etc. But never have the tales been told with it's two
favourite sons together.
You have heard about recent events and politics, but it wasn't all
hit albums and weegie cuisine below the choppy waters. In ancient times,
great battles were fought between foul foes. This is a tale of a battle
fought with not only brawn, but also wit. The stars of Atlantis were but
mere lads. Wide eyed and with love in their hearts they shaped a world.
In the eons back, man was settling the Tigris and Euphrates. Mere
goat herders and farmers were living in squabble. The grandeur to come was
but a dream (a weegie dream), and below the golden blue seas of the
Mediterrnean (which man feared) a great empire was thriving.
When mortal man was "creating" things such as fire and ceremonial
burial, our fair country of Atlantis had already learned of higher knowledge.
The young king, Poseidon had done away with these barbaric inventions because
Atlantean science deemed them no longer necessary. What would the underwater
race need with fire? NOT HING.
The Atlanteans created political ideologies that far surpassed those
inferior ways of Marx, Hobbes, Aquinas, and Plato (pronounced Play-Doh).
Atlantis had no interest in violence or imperialism, so a great deal of time
was dedicated to their pursuit of science and sex with young mermaidens.
From his great throne, King Poseidon decreed that all young maidens
of the kingdom be brought to him to recieve his royal "blessing". One of
these women, a young sea nymph named Carlene bore him a bastard child who he
called Namor. This man would eventually grow to be the power of land and
sea, but now, he was yet unborn, and therefore not important to this story.
With power and glory comes decadence, and with decadence comes sloth.
As Atlantis grew conflicts with the land kingdoms of Thera and Lemuria grew,
and more importantly friction rose with the rival sea city of Ry'leh.
Cthulhu and his minions resented Poseidon and believed him to be a
threat to their evil, alien plots. Cthulhu sent his horid commandos, led by
a young 17 year old foolish Proteus, to sway Atlantis to the dark side.
Proteus was a brutish fellow who led with the fist and sword, not
with his brain or heart. He took his horde to Atlantis and demanded to see
Poseidon. Having fear of this young, bashful lad, the king strode to meet
Proteus. Proteus having no intention of accepting surrender and instead
planned to raze the city and take Poseidon's head to his overlord, but he did
not take into consider the fire he would have in his blood when he laid eyes
on the young maiden Carlene.....
He gazed at the beautiful maiden and was stunned at her almost
supernatural beauty. Her beautiful, swaying hips, and her supple breast
amazed him; her lusty smile and pouty lips drew him in deeper. As he gazed
into her vacant eyes and imagined running his fingers through her shock of
unnaturally orange hair he spontaneously ejaculated. It was true love, and
the bond of lust could not be broken by his trifling orders from what he once
considered to be his high command.
With all intimidation lost because of his embarrassing folly, and his
defection from the rule of another, he felt that he was, for the first time
in his life, a truly free man. He vowed his undying love for her, but in him
she saw nothing but a great warrior. There was nothing more to this man,
whose rugged looks and battle scars could never entice her as the golden
locks of the great Poseidon did. What was there to be gained? She felt that
the life of wife of a warlord was impossible. She loved her freedom, as a
spring rose loves the morning dew on its beautiful pink petals.
But she was property nonetheless, as any woman has been from the
beginning of time to the end. Proteus challenged Poseidon to a battle for
the hand of the fair and as of yet innocent Carlene. Since he had already
sullied his garments, and Poseidon's trident gleamed as though it had a mind
of its own to kill, he suggested a battle of wits for the ultimate prize,
the maidenhood of the seventeen year old Carlene.
The battle of wits was to convene on Monday morning. Seven categories
were to be labeled. Arithmetic, literature, socialism, weegie breeding,
love-making, invention, and song-writing.
The battle was on, and the entire city came to see the events. The
first event was to be arithmetic. Addition was the only thing the sages had
essentially figured out that anybody cared about. The sage was to throw two
buckets of sea shells and the first to give the correct amount of total
shells would win.
As the first bucket was dropped Proteus knew he would never be able
to add all those, let alone a second bucket, so as the second was being
dropped he kicked it across the field and bludgeoned the sage, and said "Who
needs to count shells but fairies and weaklings?" The Atlantean population
at the time had a strange sense of humour laughed in an uproar. Then he
smashed all the shells and said, "Now how many are there Poseidon? Too many
for your ass."
Poseidon 0 Proteus 1
Literature was the next stage. The king was an epic poet whereas
Proteus was illiterate. "An easy win," the king thought. As the contest
began, the king wrote furiously, whereas Proteus merely sat and did nothing.
As it came to an end the king submitted a tale he humbly called "Illiad and
the Odessy," which nobody understood as it would only be popular in the next
millenium. Then Proteus stepped up to the judge and handed in a single sheet
of paper. The judge laughed and said "This is not a language but merely a
bunch of scribbles." Proteus smiled and said, "You did not say in what
language oh great judge!" Laughter erupted from the crowd, but silenced as
he raised his hand. It says, "From the depths of my soul! Where I shall be
going!" Poseidon angered at the young upstart. "Yes cur? Where will you be
going?" Prots asked, "What is your maiden's name great lord?" "Why it is
Carlene." Proteus smiled. "Yeah that's where I'll be.....up in that ass!"
Then a complete hush fell over the crowd, and Proteus realized that he had
lost the favour of the audience.
Proteus 2 Poseidon 0
The third beautiful contest consisted of developing and scribing a
set of laws for a socialist government. Of course, the word "socialism"
was not yet created, so they used the word "drizzay" in its place. Poseidon
wrote two essays, one which would be handed down to Marx as "Das Kapital",
and the other would become the first living issue of "The Comintern".
Proteus merely drew his sword and slew the judge, and said "who will be the
next judge?" "I will be the judge," said the maitren Carlene, and another
hush fell over the crowd, this time hushier than the first. Unthinking,
Proteus attempted to slay her as well, but as he pulled his sword once
again, a stingray swam into his loin cloth and repeatedly stung his penis.
Proteus 2 Poseidon 1
The forth was acknowledged to be the most dangerous of the trials.
Weegie Breeding. Weegies at the time where wild, undomesticated creatures,
and as such were impossible to breed. Surely though the judges believed the
sea's greatest heros could achieve the impossible. Poseidon got attacked
repeatedly by a surly male bull, whereas Proteus stood perplexed. Poseidon
gave up, believing the task to be impossible. The judge was about to call
it a draw when Proteus sprung into action. He grabbed the feelers of the
female and raped her repeatedly. Amazingly enough she calmed down and bred
with him, and the judges deemed her to be pregnant. To this day, breeders
must go through the same process.
Proteus 3 Poseidon 1
The next was the most beautiful competition of the contest. The
science of lovemaking was nothing new to Poseidon, as he had sullied every
mistress within the Atlantean regime. His experience was not limited to the
women of the kingdom, though. He had traversed the earthen lands and
impregnated many of the savages and reptillian life forms. Rumor had it that
he had even spread his seed to the large white circle above the land.
Poseidon laid with three women, all of them being virgin sisters of Proteus.
Then Proteus attempted to make love to a beautiful seahorse, but the toxins
of the weegie were still within his man-root, and this rendered him numb
from the waist down. As he cried out in anger, a sea scorpion crawled into
his left ear and stung his brain.
Proteus 3 Poseidon 2
Invention was an interesting thing, because at the time everyone
fancied themselves as inventors. The requirement was that the contestants
invent something new, and it would be approved and patented. The two went
off like wild men in their respective corners. Proteus spent most of his
time trying to sabatoge Poseidon's inventions, but the king still finished
ahead of time. Then both were summoned to submit what they had done.
Proteus went first and submited a glass vial full of brown fluid.
"What is this young lad?" The youth smiled and said "IT is Sting Ray anti-
venom." The judge glowered and said, "That is useless!" and smashed the vial
on the ground. Then Poseidon presented his. "What is this, my gracious
King?" "It is a truncheon!" and he jabbed Proteus in the leg.
TIE GAME
Match Point
The final crucial contest was the songwriting competition. The man
both considered themselves to be somewhat of artists in this field.
Poseidon was trained from a young age in the flute and the harp by his
father, Cronos. Proteus had the uncanny ability to play "Mary Had A Little
Lamb" by tapping a spoon against several glasses which were filled with
different levels of mercury.
This was the most draining event, and it took months for the artists
to create what would be, or what MUST be their master works. Proteus
presented first, and his song was called "Eazy Street", and it was proclaimed
the beauty and angst of 21st century ghetto life. The audience was
impressed, even though they had no idea what he was talking about. The
entire song was sung in the future language of ebonic english, but ended off
with the universal language of "Oh ooh bay day ohh ay, come on baby and suck dis
wayyy-owww-ooooh." The audience was again silent, though this time with
respect for Proteus.
Next came Poseidon's turn to present. "I have no song", he said.
There was no way that he could have shown his love without giving her the
gift of immortal descendants. With tears in her eyes, Carlene gazed into the
beautiful eyes of Poseidon and said "I'm sorry, but you lose."
Proteus 4 Poseidon 3!
Proteus was full of exctasy at his victory, and said, "Oh my maiden,
this contest has taught me humility and respect beyond belief." Then he
said, "It will be all the better when I take your innocence." At that point
he lifted his loin cloth and moved towards the maiden fully prepared to take
her in front of her husband, but remember, we said she was to be unsullied.
What happened? Well, as the sea contains mysteries, so one happened
on this day. A school of Sting Rays, Jelly fish, and a giant squid converged
on Proteus. Lacking his anti-venom, he was stung repeatedly and rendered
sterile. A laughing stock, he fled the city being chased by a couple of cod
and a lobster. He swore revenge, and later found a city named Cavercus where
he reigned havoc on the fair kingdom for a number of years.
Well that is a story told to us by grandad, and we hope you enjoyed
hearing it as much as we enjoyed sharing our first Werther's Original candy
with him before he went senile. Thank you. The End.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #55-03/08/99
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
