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The Neo-Comintern 047
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 4 7
WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
January 1st, 1999
editor: BMC
writers:
Cog
Junior Haagis
Wiznane
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.
featured in this installment: .
Thirteen Days, Thirteen Ways- Cog .
Mother, You're Just Like A Brother To Me- Junior Haagis .
Verbal Tea- Gnarly Wayne .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
And we venture forth into the 9o's (more specifically, the '99). So,
paix be upon you and joyeux noel to the country of France. We're also
working on our New Year's Resoultions, so maybe we'll reveal them in a future
installment. I guess that's all there is to say for now, so as snuop doggie
dog says, "Happy Hizaunakah!"
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.
THIRTEEN DAYS, THIRTEEN WAYS .
by: Cog .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
"Come see the man with no lips!"
-Thane Furrows
Day 1
I have gone into hiding to prevent the downfall of the human race.
I shall wait and see if I am successful.
Day 2
Looks good so far! Nobody is dead as far as I can tell. Well,
although there is nobody else here with me, I'm sure that if there was, they
would be fine.
Day 3
Oh, how I wish that I could communicate with the outside world! I
cannot communicate on the radio waves, as they do not penetrate my bunker.
Wish I'd the foresight to get a phone installed!
Day 4
I tunneled a little ways out of my bunker to see the condition of
the world's population. When my head poked out of the soil, a man died. I
retreat.
Day 5
I accidentally contaminated my fresh water supply with sewage. It
was a mistake I could have avoided, had I not been so distraught about the
man's death yesterday.
Day 6
I want to see if the world is as it should be! Earlier, I decided
to once again tunnel out of the bunker so that I might get fresh water. I
met the surface directly under a water cooler (what luck!). A baby witnessed
my emergence, so it dies.
Day 7
I feel the first pangs of hunger. I decide to eat some of my food.
Day 8
I begin wondering if the human race realizes what I'm sacrificing so
that they may all live. I decide to tunnel out and tell them. First I see
a child on a bike; it dies. Next comes the child's father. He too dies.
I yell the basics of what I am doing and why before tunneling back down to
my hell... I mean, my bunker.
Day 9
I tunnel back up to rent a movie. I choose a digitally remastered
letterbox edition of Police Academy. When I go to the counter to open an
account, the clerk dies. Poor lass. I decide to take the video anyways, as
the clerk probably would have wanted it that way.
Day 10
I can't sleep. I am upset over all the people left dead as a result
of my excursions. A man, a baby, a child, a father, and a clerk are all
dead. Other than this, it seems the race is doing well.
Day 11
I tunnel back up to the video store to return my movie. The manager
looks quite stern before he dies. I think he knew about the clerk..!
Day 12
Since I'm averaging a death every two days, I clench my teeth and
tunnel back out of the bunker. I'm confident that nobody will die today,
since it's the twelfth day, and I've already had six people die. I reach the
surface and six more people die.
Day 13
A man, a baby, a child, a father, a clerk, a manager, and the six
people that were probably electricians. I decide to stop murdering all the
people I encounter on the surface, and decide instead only to maim them
violently. I accidentally maim myself beyond recognition. I believe I am
dying, so if you read this journal at some future date after my death, pass
along my message to humanity; make them see how I saved humankind by going
into hiding!!
THE LIVING END
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.
MOTHER, YOU'RE JUST LIKE A BROTHER TO ME .
By Junior Haagis .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
My mother once said to me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say
anything at all." Then I said, "Lady, I really couldn't give a rat's ass for
your rehashed, home-spun advice!"
Suddenly aghast, Mom put her hand to her mouth. Realizing my
mistake, I tried to make ammends. "Oh!.....I'm sorry!..... Did I say....
'rat's ass'? ....What I meant to say was....'RAT'S ASS' !!!"
With only an hour for lunch before I'd be strapped in my seat for the
afternoon classes at special school, I eventually apologized and said 'That
was my stomach talking'.
"Yeah?!, Mom said, "Well, your stomach talks out of it's ass!"
I said,"Mom, my stomach IS my ass. I'm haagis, remember?"
Suddenly, the bitter truth bubbled and resurfaced once again, and
whilst kicking and screaming, mother was taken away for another six weeks.
Boy, we spent alot of money on that woman.
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.
VERBAL TEA .
By Gnarly Wayne .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
Gnarly Wayne decided to have a tea party for the great "T"'s in da
world. Gnarly Wayne looked at his guest list. In gold ink were the words:
- King Tee
- Ice-T
- T-Fly
- Ice Cream Tee
- Mr. T
- Kool Moe Tee
- The T.O.C.
- Chuck T
- T-Nice
- Shock T
- Eazy-T
- Biz Marktee
- all members of the Y.B.T.
Wayne gave himself the wink and the gun. "This list kicks azz!" he
thunk.
One hour and twenty-seven minutes later, everyone showed up at the
same time. Shock T had already killed Mr. T and King Tee had mailed Ice
Cream Tee away to Calcutta. They all sat around the fireplace and anxiously
awaited the tea.
G. Wayne came out with large mugs of steaming tea and a ball of
sugar. Kool Moe Tee asked "Is it orange pekoe?". Gnarly Wayne grinned and
said "Just as Bo$$ decreed!".
T-Nice uttered witisisms while Biz Marktee rode a giant ball and
juggled fishes. At one point during the festivites, The T.O.C. sneezed.
King Tee flirted with the one member of the Y.B.T. that looked that a girl.
L.L. Cool J and B-Real tried to crashed the party but Biz Marktee scared them
off when he tried to greet them but it just came out as loud, incoherent
rambling.
"More tea?" asked Wayne.
Everyone wanted some. Everyone got some. As the tea was sipped, the
crew sat around in silence and smiled at one another. The clouds parted and
the sun shined down upon the little hut they were in. Grass grew, flowers
smelled, and tea was drank. Eazy-T suggested in indulging in a little
"weed".
Gnarly Wayne smiled knowingly and ran into the kitchen. He returned
with some "joints" or "tea cigarettes". They all took a phat toke and
absorbed the pekoeness of it all. Just then, a niggity knock a knock at the
rat-a-tat door. T-Fly opened the door. It was Schoolly T, and he was upset
for not being invited.
"Whoops!" said Wayne.
Schoolly T had some catching up to do. While he drank two cups at a
time, everyone watched and laughed. Schoolly T was just TOO funny! How
could he have not been invited? After everyone settled down, the door to the
water closet opened and out came T-oni.
"ARRROOOOWWWWWWWW!" he screamed.
Everyone laughed. "Where have you been?" cried Chuck T, punching
T-oni in the head, hard but lovingly. T-oni replied "In the water closet,
stoopid.". Everyone got mad at T-oni and started beating him with their
truncheons.
Gnarly Wayne let this continue for about three hours before he
interjected. "OK, OK, that body ain't gittin' any bloodier." he calmly said.
T-oni got up and laughed. Everyone laughed back at him. "Back to the TEA!"
bellowed Shock T.
Everyone laughed. Then everyone got sick of laughing and stopped.
More tea was drank. As the hours progressed into eons, people began to
wonder why so many high profile rap stars had stopped releasing albums. Even
the group members weren't sure where they were.
After everyone's 34,969th cup, Eazy-T announced "Well, I guess I
should be going." The others agreed. Gnarly Wayne saw everyone off safely,
like the caring dee-jay he is, then he and T-oni drank some more tea and
played AD&D. In this fantasy role-playing session, both Wayne and T-oni
imagined they were two guys sitting around drinking tea, but they had swords.
Wordz of Wizdom: If you bet against yourself, you cannot lose.
BMC Notez: You can't win, either.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 |
| Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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#47-1/1/99
Copyright 1998 N-Com
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.
