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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 5 4
.WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
.February 28th, 1999
.Editor: BMC
.Writers:
.BMC
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Featured in this installment: `$
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The Communist Global Empire's Top 10 Revolutions- BMC d'
;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
EDITOR'S NOTE
Our books teach us that the winners of the wars are the virtuous
ones. The winners write the history books, and unsuccessful revolutions are
taught to have been less "noble".
The revolution is similar to the rebellion, the only popular
difference being that one was successful, and one was not. When a rebel
succeeds, he is a revolutionary.
Through the reading of this, the "true history of the world", I hope
that each of you will begin to harbour dreams of your own violent and
superficial revolutions wherever and whenever possible.
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THE TOP TEN REVOLUTIONS IN HISTORY d'
by BMC ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
TIMELINE
1678 The Atlantean Revolution
1688 The Glorious Revolution
1885 The Riel Rebellion
1917 The Russian Revolution
1968 Revolution Number Nine
2101 The Glorious Revolution part deux
2240 The Uunited Statian Rebellion
2430 The Australian Rebellion
3601 THE MOOn MONSTAR REBELLION
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The Atlantean Revolution of 1678
The civil war that resulted in the first socialist society was headed
by Poseidon, who kept the title of "king". The definition of socialism at
this time was exactly the same as monarchy, but the king held much more
power, and the serfs had fewer rights. This was achieved through years of
civilian bloodshed.
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The Glorious Revolution of 1688
This was the first "cool" revolution, and it was probably best known
for spawning the invention which later was referred to as the "glory hole".
The glorious revolution, though, was more than innovation. This was a group
of guys overthrowing the monarchy before it was the fashion. They made
revolution a household name throughout the world. Although their idea of
"glorious revolution merchandise" was not very profitable, they did continue
to have effect as a world power.
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The Riel Rebellion of 1885
This is the war that Louis Riel lost because of his foolishness.
A few weeks ago, we fired up the old time machine and went back to 1884 and
supplied Riel with heavy artillery and long range missles. Then we sat
around and watched as Louis Riel confidently prepared for war. Heh, what
he didn't realize was that we had armed the government with nuclear weapons.
Ha, then we watched as John A. launched the missle that destroyed all of
Saskatchewan, except for a small child in the far north who was promptly
killed with the butt end of an RCMP's shotgun. Oh, did I mention that this
explosion also killed all of us who were too hung over to get out of the way?
Yeah, we died, so we had to go back in time again and tell ourselves not to
give the world of 1884 the gifts of nuclear science and conscription.
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The Russian Revolution of 1917
Way back when things were corrupt in royal Russia, a brave young man
named Lenin shaved the mold from the ice, then formed the Russian cube into
one of the finest ice sculptures ever witnessed. What was once a frozen land
soon became a love inspired figure of power through peace. This true image
was never shown on our television sets, but neither was Saturday Night Live
'80, and that also constituted reality, though it was reality in the most
horrific sense of the word.
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Revolution Number Nine of 1968
You say you want a revolution? Well, you know John Lennon said that
in Revolution Number One, but it was when John Lennon got high on LsD and
started screwing around with some sound effects that something much bigger
happened. It was Revolution Number Nine, and from the introduction of this
experimental masterpiece a series of thirty-three and a third revolutions
per minute took place for the next five minutes. If you add this to the nine
revolutions that John already started it comes close to 200 revolutions!
So after he started and finished all of these revolutions, was he happy?
Obviously not, because he was murdered in 1980.
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The Glorious Revolution part deux of 2101
This was the revolution to end all revolutions. The founding of the
"Beautiful Communist Family" (which later became the Communist Global Empire)
meant simply that Canada would change it's flag and gain soverignty from
Quebec, where the majority of the nation's power was held. It came about
when the rest of Canada had been begging for 100 years, and Quebec held like
the fiftieth refferendum for our freedom, and we lost again. Oh well, we
finally realized how we outnumbered them by something like 4 to one, and then
we murdered them all with branches of trees and broken pop bottles. Anyway,
the land bridge was close to done, and we were ready to finally get some
heroic leadership and go imperialist on the world and coerce them into a
communist lyfestyle.
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The Uunited Statian Rebellion of 2240
As the EU put up one last protest against joining The Land Bridge
Country (Canada and Eurasia), the Zakkor, an ancient race of immortals,
started performing terrorist acts against The Land Bridge Country. This
resulted in World War 3, also known as "Secret Wars 3". The fight ended with
Iron Fist catching The Beyonder (god) with a surprise shot to the pouch. The
result was a universe ending explosion which destroyed everything within the
EU. After that entire country was slaughtered, we were finally free to live
in peace with their dead bodies.
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The Australian Rebellion of 2430
When we, the Communist Global Empire decided to physically move the
geographic location of Australia, they considered it to be an act of war.
OK, well maybe it was done in a very hostile manner, but that still didn't
give them a reason to defend themselves. In 1530 the Australians, defeated
through a televised boxing match, decided to peaceably join the CGE, thereby
ending the conquest to create the largest empire possible. This last puzzle
peace made the earth the greatest tourism planet in the entire solar realm.
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THE MOOn MONSTAR REBELLION OF 3601
When humans found the moon of earth to be inhabitable, the mOon
monStars attempted to destroy us by offering to live in harmony with us.
Since we were fully aware that any unmurdered mooN monsTar would eventually
turn on a human being, we waged war most bloody until all of the monstars
were slain. As we feasted on their flesh, we gained a higher consciousness
of the cosmos, to the point of realizing the moOn monstarS may actually have
intended no harm to us. Years later, we constructed the first wonder of the
moon; a huge monument to peace constructed from the soft bones of our special
friends, the MooN MonstaRs.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #54-02/28/99
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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