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The Neo-Comintern 061
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 6 1
.WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
.April 28th, 1999
.Editor: BMC
.Writers:
.Gnarly Wayne
.BMC
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";P'
Featured in this installment: `$
$
The Tribulations Of Star Force- BMC $
Gold Apples- Gnarly Wayne ;P
Unicorns- BMC d'
;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
/---\ /--\ EDITOR'S NOTE
/------\-\ | \
| | \___/
| ^ ^ |
[| (0) (0)|]
| | | Welcome to another BEAUTIFUL installment of The
| \ / | / Comintern. In this issue we embark on a five
|/------\| installment collection of articles dedicated to
|-^^^^^^-| "Video games," "Computers," "BBSes," and the greatest
--\ /-- game of all time, "Barren Realms Elite." You will note
-- that the writing is masterful and the ideas are thought-
provoking, but such has always been our style. In this
issue, we begin our series with "Video Games."
(p.s. "Gold Apples" and "Unicorns" are based on Dragon Court
http://www.ffiends.com)
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";P'
THE TRIBULATIONS OF STAR FORCE d'
by BMC ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
No game had ever made me question my niche in the world as this
classic has. In the game, you are a spaceship that flies around and shoots
flying spheres and squares. It is amazingly challenging, and once you have
destroyed enough flying space debris, you will be put in an end-of-round
showdown. This idea, commonly referred to as a "boss" or a "big man", is
nothing new, but back then it was cutting edge. I am not sure if this was
the first game to ever have "bosses" or not, but it seems quite possible.
At the end of each level, you have to throw down with a letter of the
Greek alphabet. It is for this reason that I beg of the Canadian government
to put no more effort into the research of space flight, because if we ever
do acheive it (which the theory of relativity states is unpossible anyway),
it will surely result in the omega of life as we know it.
In all seriousness, though, although "video-games" may be considered
by most to be violent and a waste of time, there is a valuable lesson to be
learned from this one. For the mere cost of a quarter, gamers are given a
crash course in the (evil) Greek alphabet. Perhaps there is a lesson to be
learned from this game.
Well, not really, becaus ethe first time you play the game you'll
probably only reach the second level. We already knew that ALPHA was the
first letter of the ALPHAbet, and to nobody's surprise, it was characterized
with the symbol "A". On the second level, you are introduced to B, erh, I
mean Beta. Great. Now you've learned the first two letters of the Greek
alphabet, which are also the first two letters of the English alphabet;
therefore, you have learned nothing (yet).
Once you have spent about five dollars, you can learn about a few
more letters, namely Gamma, Delta, and Epsilon. Better grab a pencil,
because you're not going to remember the symbols for each letter the first
time (unless you're smart, unlike me).
Since there is no option to continue in this game, you'll have to
keep spending more money, and gaining skill. Eventually you will have
learned the Greek alphabet, gained the hand-eye coordination of a puma, the
pattren recognition skill of a very smart person, and an intense hatred for
the game of Star Force.
By the time you showdown with Omega, you will have spent enough money
to have put yourself through the college of your choice. There is a good
side to it, though, because nobody will be confused or shocked when you
commit suicide.
Love, BMC
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";P'
GOLD APPLES d'
by Gnarly Wayne ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
"Gold apples, gold apples, eat the gold apples... eat them."
- folk lore song
Not to be mistaken for worthless Golden Apples, Gold Apples, or Gold Apples,
as I like to call them, are gold in color and shaped like an apple. A man
with lots of Gold Apples is rich in more ways than one. Gold Apples can be
found in trees with Unicorns stuck in them. If you do not wish to aid the
poor booger, you can try to swindle the Unicorn out of his gold apples and
possibly even his horn. If you get a horn, just sell it and buy Gold Apples
with it. Gold Apples can also be atained by joining the Gold Apples clan,
where Gold Apples are exchanged freely between clansmen.
If you eat a Gold Apple, you will get double your Guts back of what
a Healing Salve will give you. In other words, you get 30 Guts back. But that
it not the end of their usefulness, oh no, not by far. Gold Apples can be
used to barter with, as they are a highly sought after commodity. You can
also exchange them for just gold, but doing this is both unrecommended and
foolish. Gold Apples can be loaded into Elf Bows and shot as vorpal weapons
(a little known secret), and, if you have enough apples, you can melt them
down and create a Golden Apple suit of armor, and we all know how strong
Gold is. Various spells can also be casted upon Gold Apples, like the Glow
spell from a Glow Scroll. This new Gold Apple will always be a good source of
light and a constant friend in a cruel world.
So, the next time you pass by a wooded glade and see a Unicorn trapped in
some bushes next to a tree, run over and try to help the poor booger, or,
if you are powerful enough, Bezerk on his azz and take it all.
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UNICORNS d'
by BMC ;P
d'.
.,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
As we approach the next decade, people are becoming ever more
obsessed with their inventions of fancy, such as the "video game," and the
"type-writer," but society as a whole has forgotten about some of the simpler
things in life such as unicorns and gold apples. Instead of wondering why
we stopped looking at the stars or why we've lost faith in our fellow man,
my concerns of late have shifted toward the beauty that existed in times of
lore, and will live again.
When the revolution comes (and it is very close), what will you do
when you spot a poor unicorn trying in vain to untangle himself from some
reeds, or trying to eat the gold apples from one of the trees in your
orchard? Time is of the essence, and you would have to act fast. Would you
give the unicorn a ladder, or would you just stare in amazement? Well
getting a ladder for the unicorn would be futile, because unicorns are
incapable of climbing trees. There are some flocks of horned monkeys who
roam the world and are equipped with golden-apple-tree-climbing-ladders, but
these are not unicorns, so be warned!
So when you see a unicorn in trouble, share a gold apple with it and
it will be your best friend. Then when you've gained its confidence, swindle
it out of all its gold apples, and then take its horn. This may sound cruel,
but remember that though you can swindle the unicorn out of its horn, you can
not rob it of its dignity.
If you follow this guide to the letter, you will find life to be a
beautiful and fruitful thing. If not, then a gold apple upside the head for
you.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #61-04/28/99
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
