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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 3 2
WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
September 12th, 1998
editor: BMC
writers:
Gnarly Wayne
BMC
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.
featured in this installment: .
The Wrath Of Cats- BMC .
Keep Your Prize On My Eyes- Gnarly Wayne .
The Intergalactic Auction- BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
EDITOR'S NOTE
Yeah. R I P E. Go to hell. This 1'z fa you. This evening's
news report, see you around buddy boy.
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.
THE WRATH OF CATS .
by BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
Although cats make nice house creatures, I find something greatly
disturbing about them. Why are they always drinking stuff? They drink
water, they drink out of the toilet, they even drink from leaky faucets.
I think they drink from street puddles, but I know they also drink from
swamps, lakes, rivers and oceans. Sometimes they drink antifreeze.
<insert picture of cat standing on prominent ocean-side rocks before a cold,
crisp, and slightly misty autumn sunset skyline. The cat is lapping at the
rolling waves of the tide>
So why are cats always drinking? There are many different
explanations given by various scientists, but the popular belief is that
cats are an ancient race of beings formerly known as extraterrestrials, or
Martians, to be exact. They were beamed to earth from Mars in the late
1800's. Their purpose was to pillage the rich earth and steal it's natural
resource of "liquids". This has been proven, because you can see how the
cat is designed to be a consumer. It lies around all day, produces nothing,
and often drinks liquids.
This all started in the late 19th century when cats were worshiped
as Egyptian gods, and just look at that ecosystem. It is dry and barren,
certainly no place for a cat anymore. Then they went to Arizona, and now
you can find them in your very house if you were foolish enough to aid them
in their quest to destroy earth (especially the human race). And you
probably fanatically play their game, Alleycat, the first computer program
ever designed completely by cats, for cats.
People say I have too much time on my hands, and I would just like
to say that is not true, and also if anyone wants me to fix their old tires,
email me by next Thursday.
It is general knowledge that the only other thing that cats consume
is fish. Fish are the other source of global destruction. They are another
race designed to consume as much water as possible. Cats and fish fight each
other to get water trade superiority. The cats may have the corner on
the human water supply, but the fish hold the bastard card- the sea monstars.
The only thing that cats and fish both eat (besides water, of course)
is birds. Birds are a race created from earthen mounds of clay. These are
the defence against cats and fish. Unfortunately, birds are all strictly
herbivores, and prey to cats and fish. The birds do need to consume water
to keep their clay wings pliable, but other than that, they provide much
more water than they consume.
Oh, and mice. They are the water-runners between the ocean floor
and the cats that eat them.
One day the cats and fish and birds will all team up to destroy the
human race, but hopefully our secret police and underground militia will
be in full force at that time so we can foil their plans. Then the only
species consuming water will be (high-ranking-communist) humans.
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.
KEEP YOUR PRIZE ON MY EYES .
By Gnarly Wayne .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
At my home in the boogie Bronx, my eyeballs had proceeded to leave my
body sometime during my night of fitful sleep. Upon awaking, I realized my
eyeballs were gone, which was a good explanation of why I couldn't see.
I grimaced in undertones as I though "Dang". Where, oh where, could
my eyeballs be? I looked to see if the Meowmeow or the Woofwoof ate them but
to no avail. Strange how I looked for my eyeballs while being completely
devoid of any visual sensors. I had to rely on my keen sense of knowing
where eyeballs are.
First I checked the Iris, a swanky, ritzy club just north of the
kettle. When I floated in, I asked around to see if anyone had seen my
eyeballs. All I got were upturned noses and the other cheek (so I assume).
I was apparently underdressed, having no eyeballs. I neglected to read the
sign saying "No shirt, no shoes, no eyeballs, no service".
Another profound thought reached my cerebellum. "Dang". Going with
what I had learned, I checked the gutters and alleys for my beloved eyeballs.
"Please don't let them sink this low", I pleaded to a pass-out bum in a
cardboard box. "Cog?", I said lustfully. A belch confirmed that this was not
indeed Cog but an imposter trying to live to high life that Cog was
accustomed to.
A lightbulb appeared over my head which I promptly ate. "Of course",
I thought to self. "Cog has many eyeballs. He owns Joey JoJo Jeremiah
Shabadu, a dog." Rushing over to the Cog mansion, I thrusted my radium rods
at Cog. "YOUR DOG!", I screamed quietly.
"Why of course", Cog replied, calm as usual. After he made Joey eat
the radium we waited... and waited... and waited... until Cog said "Hey,
wanna peanut?". I said no. So we waited... and waiting... and played
Scrabble (which Cog always beat me at, the bitch). After a while we heard
eyebally sounds coming from the basement. "Success!", I though as I tumbled
down the stairwell. Sure enough, many an eyeball laid around the children.
I took the finer pair and shoved them in my sockets. I looked at Cog for
approval and he said "Smashing" and gave me the wink and the gun.
I fled for home and got ready for bed. "What a day", I thought. As I
got ready to enter dreamland, I noticed my eyeballs on the night stand next
to the statue of BMC. Silly me. I had taken them off the night before.
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.
THE INTERGALACTIC AUCTION .
By BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
You know how you sit there and look at the universe, and you just say to
yourself,
"How much is out there? Where does it stop? What lies outside this
globe of visible atmosphere? You can't see the sphere during the night when
the Golden Orb doesn't pale the rest of our universe. If not for that ball of
gas, we might see clear to the edge of infinity. DAMN YOU SUN!"
So where is the end of matter? Can it become infinity? Perhaps it
is on a playing field to some supreme power's enjoyment. What does our
structure resemble from a large eye?
What if some of our surrounding heavenly bodies were put up for
auction?
"Now ladies and gentlemen, get out your flappers, cause Jupiter is
next up on the block. Jupiter was once sold to the Tsar Nicholas the Second
for 1 million dollars. This sale was made by someone going only by the
name of V. I. Lenin and it is common knowledge that this money was used for
the then-secret Communist underground Militia and KGB. Anyway, the bidding
will start at 2 quintillion dollars- Mr Gates- 2 trillion! 2.1 trillion?
going once..."
"ok, now Mars..named after the roman god of war...but don't let that
SCARE you folks, this loveable planet of red is housebroken and GREAT with
children..let the bidding start at one hundred dollars.."
"Pluto...this may be one cold, unsurvivable atmosphere, but this is
gonna one hot item tonight...."
So anyway, I think that Castro would probably buy a planet,
Bill gates would get Saturn, and the Communists would buy all the stars (and
scuds) from Iraq.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 |
| Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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#32-09/12/98
Copyright 1998 N-Com
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.
