Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Neo-Comintern 044
____ ______
__/ _/_ \ _/__ ________ _________ ________ ________
\ ____)__/ __ )_/ ______/_ \ __ )_/ ______/_/ _____/\
/ \) / (/ / ________/ / (/ / ________/ \) /
\___ \ /____/ /____ / /____/ /____ /_________/
\____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/
____
/___/ ____
________ ________ _________ ___ ______ __/ _/_ ________ ______ ______
/ _____/_ _____/\ __ __ )_ \ __ )\ ____)_ ____/_/ ) __ )_
/ \) / \) / (/ (/ / / (/ / \) / ______/ /___/ (/ /
/____ \ /________/___/__/ /__/___/ /\___ \ /___ /___/ /___/ /
\____/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 4 4
WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
December 12th, 1998
editor: BMC
writers:
Gnarly Wayne
Cog
BMC
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
.
featured in this installment: .
Tea Trek: Search For Tea; Part the Second- Gnarly Wayne .
Time Travel On Campus- BMC and Cog .
:
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
.
TEA TREK: SERCH FOR TEA; PARTE THE SECOND .
By Gnarly Wayne .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
"A ZOMBIE!" cried the crew in unison.
"Yes, it's me, Sir Ronald Hampton, Esquire." said Sir Ron.
"Oh Ron." said everone, very relieved that this zombie was friendly.
"Yes, I was hiding in Cog's chest hair and waited until an
appropriate time to jump out scare you." explained Sir Ron.
"What are you doing here?" enforced BMC.
"I am in dire need of a high skilled, fearless crew of able men and
women, but I couldn't find them so I came here. The zombies back on Earth
are the victim of a horrible conspiracy. A fellow known only as the villian
of Mista Iggy has stopped all sandwhich lines going into the zombie
community. The zombies are now coming into the cities, looking for
sandwiches. Silly mortals are mistaking this for a zombie rampage and are
about to bring in a small group of adventurers who are experts at destroying
zombies. I believe their names are Birthday Suit Boy, The Masked Arrow, and
Gobbie Gee." explained Sir Ron.
BMC arched an eyebrow. "Hmmmm...I will help you if you can beat me in
a game of Boloballz." challenged BMC. The action started. Sir Ron was red
and BMC was blue-green-blue. Sir Ron won the first move. He chose the
fourteenth column from the right. The ball went down and landed on a gray
square near the bottom, claiming two ten point squares on the way down.
"The real strategy lies in the gray squares." said BMC. The action
steadily increased for two hours. At one point, BMC fell into a seven-move
ploy set by Sir Ron, in which Sir Ron was able to block one of BMC's ballz at
the top of the screen.
"Damn!" cried BMC, sweating profusily. He wiped his neck with a cold
rag. Then BMC slyly spied a move that neither one had spotted. His worried
look quickly changed into an expression of triumph.
"WORD!" he screamed. Just as he was about complete his finishing
move, Wayne came over and accidently hit the up arrow, thereby ending the
game. "Hey, guys, what's up?" he said. BMC could be seen for the next thirty
minutes screaming while throttling Wayne's neck. After BMC was done, he
ironed his shirt and approached Sir Ron. "I guess I will accompany you to
Earth. I need to buy some bottom-fruit yogurt cups, anyway." said BMC.
Seven minutes later, they entered Earth's orbit. Sir Ron got to beam
down to Earth as tranporters could only beam down non-living material. BMC
took down the typical p-osse and two more red uniformed guys. One of the red
uniformed guys asked if they could be armed with truncheons.
"Sure." BMC said and armed them with bruncheons instead.
"That's what you get, smart ass." BMC cackled.
None were prepared for the sight that they saw. Zombies ran freely,
breaking into greazy spoonz and Subways'. People fled in panic. Cog
attacked such a man running past.
"What are you doing?" asked BMC.
"I dunno. I thought I was spose to do this." said Cog.
On the horizon, the crew saw the group the adventurers they were sent
to stop. They were truly a magnificent bunch.
The one called Birthday Suit Boy stood, sword sheathed, completely
naked except for a penis cage which he wore with pride.
"Hey, that guy kinda looks like you, BMC." said Cog.
"Yeah, but my penis cage is bigger." BMC bragged.
The one called the Masked Arrow stood a full 6'5". His garb
consisted of a green and golden body suit with an arrow pointing up onto his
mask. He wielded a large 1/4 staff and a book of spellz.
That nasty African called Gobbie Gee was the short one of the bunch.
He was dressed in a fourteen thousand dollar tuxedo, complete with top hat
and cane. He sipped on a glass of bubbly while leaning on his cane. He was
armed with a short sword whose bite is well known.
A fourth member had seemed to join them. He was a nerdy-looking
fellow wearing a large black winter coat and holding a fireball in one hand,
and a sneer on his face.
"Whose that?" asked BMC.
"Oh no," said Sir Ron. "They've found the Befriend the GM kit."
"Took them long enough." murmured Sir Ron.
Birthday Suit Boy approached them.
"Who goes there? Fiend or foe?" he asked in a thick Russian accent.
"Uhhhhh.... foe?" replied BMC.
"Boo-yaa!" cried Birthday Suit Boy and the party attacked the crew.
The GM threw a bunch of fireballs but they all missed and hit
innocent bystanders and buildings. Gobbie Gee jumped on one of the red
uniformed guys and started eating his flesh. The Masked Arrow bellowed out a
sound that could only be compared to the death wail of the legendary phoenix.
The Masked Arrow plowed head on into the crew with no regard to his
own personal safety. Birthday Suit Boy strolled into the fray, swinging from
side to side. Then he drew his sword. An intense battle commenced.
After a couple of turns, the only casualties were the two red
uniformed guys, both dispatched by Gobbie Gee.
"Boy, he does quite a bit of the work for just a henchman." commented
STUYA.
After a couple more turns, both sides began to realize that no one
was getting an edge over the other. Fighting slowed down until it came to a
halt.
"Hmmm...why isn't anyone winning?" puzzled Wayne.
"I'll explain." said the GM. "You see, you guys can't die because
you are the main characters of the story. We can't die because, even if I
get a roll which would kill them, I would just say 'Ummm... they rolled a 3.
Inish.'."
"Well, what should we do?" asked The Masked Arrow.
BMC explained the situation about the zombies and their plight.
"Ohhh... whoops!" said Birthday Suit Boy. "We're so used to killing
monsters, we just do it naturally. Well, in this case, I guess we'll go back
to Traysia and spend a few nights at the inn. See ya later."
The party of hardy adventurers faded out of sight.
"Nicely done," said Sir Ron. "I'll go explain to the zombies' the
consequences of their actions. I am forever in yo debt, Captain BMC."
Back aboard the C.C.C.R. TeaBag, BMC flopped down in his lawn chair.
"Man, two adventures in one day. I can't handle this. I need some pot." BMC
said. Gnarly Wayne joined him but Cog couldn't have any cause he had
quit a long time ago. He enjoyed a nice tall glass of tea instead. Then
Wayne and BMC played the enhanced version of Rock Star. All was fine in
the universe once again.
Except for the citizens of Planet, who never did get their tea.
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
.
TIME TRAVEL ON CAMPUS .
By BMC and Cog .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
Now, H. G. Wells was the first to write about "the" time machine on
campus, but we were the ones who invented it. So FUCK YOU H G Wells, and
get off my nutsack, or we can go toe-to-toe. So now, as MC Ren said "All
bullshit aside". In the last 13 years (count 'em), not many advances have
been made into the philsophical possibilities of advantage from time travel.
Now that South Afrika has invented space travel for all the world to
behold, they will soon be catching up with the underground "Communist Global
Empire" in the technological battle. Perhaps they will even beat us to the
invention of "warez". (but I have 0-Dae accezz anyway, zo I will just laugh
my 3l!te aZZ oph at U.)
Although the Afrikkanis have reached the key to spaceflight, they
haven't yet come close to the "Zirconian Key", so to speak. This "Zirconian
Key", is Thyme Travel!
Not quite "time travel", Thyme Travel is still quite a feat. Might
I also add that it is only one step away from actually travelling from the
NeverLand of Time. Which we have just acheived. (can we print that?)
So now that time travel is a reality, you'll be seeing quite a few
more people (this is just a theory, mind you, because I have no idea why
you would...only TIME will tell). ha ha ha!
Now that you know the technology exists, what of the practical usage
of time travel on campus? Well, if you have a particularly long winded
teacher and have only five minutes to walk (run, actually) from the
agriculture building to the arts building, you can just go back about 10
minutes and actually have time to stop at the excretorium, or whatever you
want to call it.
Yeah, that would be cool! And then when you're in the middle of
the fifth week and realize that you have no books because you ate your
course outline in desparation on the very first day of class, you can go back
in time and make sure to get 2 coppieeeess! YES! Two copies, unless you
weren't quite full after you ate just the one... then get three or four.
Do you only drink to relieve stress now, instead of for fun? Well,
follow this to the letter: On Monday, travel forward in time until you
reach Friday. Find out what was and will be due all week, and the next, and
next. Then travel to sometime before you were born (to avoid the dread
paradox), and do your homework. No pressure, and the drink is cheaper!
For these reasons, the U of S time travel kiosks will be available
in the '00-'01 school year. Please note; other ideas included "rocket
sleds", "teleporters", and "sub-water boats". These will be implemented in
some eastern schools next fall, but for now we have to rely on our feet or
one of the wheelbarrows found in the agriculture shed.
The End
P.S. I stold deez nutz off your tires
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 |
| Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::::
#44-12/12/98
Copyright 1998 N-Com
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.
