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The Neo-Comintern 031
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 3 1
WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
September 10th, 1998
editor: BMC
writers:
Cog
BMC
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.
featured in this installment: .
Two Paths To Atlantis- BMC .
Lifestyles Of The Rich In Spirit- Cog .
Do You Remember Where You Were on Janus 3, 2430?- BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
EDITOR'S NOTE
Well, now that we're laying blueprints for the Communist Global
Empire, you may be interested in knowing how we will implement our Atlantean
allies as well as you, the home unemployment recipient. Well journey on,
or go forth and fuck 'em.
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.
TWO PATHS TO ATLANTIS .
by BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
Atlantis is the ancient continent which was advanced far beyond our
current understanding. The continent has never been seen by modern man.
Correction- sightings have never been reported.
There are two ways to gain entry to Atlantis, and both are through
the earning of club Z points. Yes, before old King Poseidon went down he
founded the Zellers corporation. According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, the king
left the legacy of Zellers to be tended by land dwelling mortals in North
America. The history of Zellers is as mysterious as Atlantis itself.
Most people get a television or microwave when the gain a certain
amount of club Z points. They do not realize that instead of 5 or 10
microwaves they could be acquiring the Club Z double platinum card. This
card not only enables the bearer to unlimited free goods from Zellers, but
also permits entry to Atlantis. You still have to get to Atlantis by your
own means, but the door is open. Also, the double platinum card is not
listed in the catalogue, so don't call me a liar.
The second path to Atlantis is less expensive, but much more
treacherous. Somewhere within the Ural Mountains is a volcano which is
frothing with magma. Within this volcano are several magic diamonds which
enable the bearer to perform one of two spells, depending on whether his
alliances are with good or evil.
The first spell requires an apprenticeship in alchemy. The diamond
holder must first grind the diamond into powder. After step one, he must
wrap the powder in three bay leaves. When fed to a foe this creates the very
useful spell of sleep. I have been told that depending on how fine the
powder is ground, the spell can last anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes.
The second possible use for the diamond requires that you obtain the
staff of Z which looks like this:
Z
I
I
I
After you get the rod, place the diamond atop the great Z and
permission to enter Atlantis will instantly be granted.
The rod and diamond can also be purchased from Zellers with a certain
amount of club Z points.
What mysteries lie within Atlantis? Only my father and I have spoken
of what goes on inside, and neither of us have lived to speak a word since.
Let me just say that the last time I was there, there was a special encore
performance by music star Christopher Cross.
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.
LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH IN SPIRIT .
By Cog .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
I lost my job about a month ago. It's not so much that I miss the
paycheques; no, I miss bitching about the place. And I definitely don't miss
those assholes I worked for. Fuck you, Ralph Winterhalt, et family.
Especially you, Rebecca Winterhalt, you whore of a manageress. I'll bet you
were really a man. Sick.
They accused me of stealing, once. Stealing what, you ask? Well,
cigarettes and lotto tickets, of course. You know, the stupidest things you
could possibly steal. I'd rather just steal money out of the till than
filch a handful of "Money Doubler"'s. You'd end up with more cash in the
end, that's for damn sure. Yeah, I'd give some of the customers who were
lotto addicts some bullshit line about which tickets were "hot" or whatever
to maybe give them some hope, but trust me; if you're a clerk in one of them
inconvenience stores, then you see how many of those things actually come
back. Maybe 5% of them win two stinking quid. I mean, hey...only a retard
would steal those things, and I don't look like some mongoloid (although some
may beg to differ).
As for stealing cigarettes...I didn't do that either. We kept such
tight inventory on those things that I'd not only have to be a retard, but
a retarded Thalidomide baby with no head to be dumb enough to steal 'em.
All in all, it was a good place to work. Weird old people would come
in and ask if I could change "a tooo-dollar-coin", or "a fiiive-dollar-beel".
This loser named JOHN BLACK would come in and hang out there, wasting his
life, and thinking that you were listening to him talk. Little kids would
steal candy and cans of sody pop. Oh, and of course there were the rude
customers, the stinky people, and those disgusting pizzas we were forced to
make with rotten meat. You know, I think I may have been wrong. I do miss
something...
I miss the paycheques.
I worked there for six months. In that time, I fixed things up, and
organized things that were terrible. I did my job well, and didn't bitch
about it while I working. I put up with the losers who came in and kept a
smile on my face while they rambled incoherently, and I talked with the
decent townsfolk who were like nuggets of gold in a heap of wolfshit. Some
of the customers said I should get a medal of some sort, because I was so
good with the crowds of kids who would come in after school. I guess you
could pretty much compare me to, well, Santa Claus -- always giving.
But I forgot that Santa never gets anything back.
Imagine this: you work at an inconvenience store. One day you have a
job amid rumours (and the eventual fact) of the place being sold. You ask if
the new owners (a national chain, by the way) will be re-hiring the existing
employees or hiring a completely new staff. They say it's almost gospel that
you'll be there after the nice little inconvenience store is swallowed up by
the big, slutty corporation. You don't feel the need to look for another job
as you feel fairly secure where you are...
Then one day you come for your shift, and there's new people working there.
And I'm not just talking about a couple new staff members or some
other thing. No, I mean like different "uniforms", new cash registers, a new
manager, and other stuff. What a pisser, right? So what do you do..?
TO BE CONTINUED...
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.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE ON JANUS 3, 2430? .
By BMC .
:
. . . . . . .. ...................................;
The year is 2430, and blue jeans are the hottest trend. The world
is shaken when the continent of Australia declares war on the Communist
Global Empire.
The Australians are fighting with sticks and boomerangs, and the CGE
has recently developed the "bow and arrow" for military purposes. It is
known that although the commoners fear these new military advances, they
still have every confidence in our armed forces.
The CGE is also working hard to develop a "boat", an item with which
we will have opportunity to get closer to the enemy before launching attacks.
At present, our militia are standing on tall platforms at the edges of India
and South America, firing arrows into the ocean in case of enemy swimmers.
As of yet there have been no official deaths in the war, except for
the hundreds of civilian casualties due to returning boomerangs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doctor Reuban O'Neill has introduced the revolutionary "boat" to the
CGE. Within the first few months covert sea vessels have penetrated
Australian defenses and stolen the designs for the "boomerangs". Land Mass
civilian casualties have now begun to accumulate due to boomerang misuse.
No attempt at negotiation has been made yet.
The year is now 1530 and philosophers have decided to solve World War
3 by holding a boxing match which will place a kangaroo with boxing gloves
against the resurrected body of Karl Marx.
The year is still 1530, and Karl Marx has emerged victorious.
Australian negotiations have began, and Australia has agreed to attach an
outboard motor to their coast and sail north!
When Australia joins the Communist Global Empire, the world will be a
better place to live.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 |
| Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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#31-09/10/98
Copyright 1998 N-Com
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.
