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The Neo-Comintern 024
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E-MAG
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The Neo-Comintern Installment 24
We are The 5th International
June 18th, 1998
Editor: The BoSS MC
Assistant Editor: Komrade B
Writers:
BMC
DJ Gnarly Wayne
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ISSUE NUMERAL DEUX X DOUZE
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Featured in this installment:
70 Digrees- BMC
Adventures of Archie And Tha Gang- Gnarly Wayne
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70 DIGREES
By BMC
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What about the weather? People are always complaining about it. If
it's winter, people say it's too cold. In summer it's too hot. If it were
always 20 degrees from now till infinity, people would still find something
to complain about, probably the fact that the temperature was too constant.
So let's talk to the weather traffikers and buy some unreasonably hot
weather. 70 degrees celsius sounds good. People would be dying, and the
masses would have to convert auditoriums into huge refuge centers for people
without air conditioning in their homes (homes which coincidentally would
now be like prisons to people who could afford air conditioning).
Power lines would sag until they touched the ground, perhaps even
cutting off the power supply to the air conditioners. Then more people would
die. Ice caps would begin to melt, thereby flooding the earth. People would
be burning and drowning in the hot water. The only people not suffering
would be high-ranking Communist officials, who would be away for business on
other planets, recruiting Moon and Mars monsters.
After about a month of this, let's return the earth back to normal.
Wait a while, and we'll see how many people complain about a -5 degree day.
The ones that do complain will be reminded that we can and will do it again.
If they continue to complain, they will be sent to a special labour camp on
the sun, where their diet will consist of yellow fire on weekdays, and
perhaps some red fire on Sundays if they are well behaved. If they choose to
misbehave while being held on the sun, there is little we can do, because
there are not many things worse than being forced to live on the sun and eat
yellow and red fire.
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ADVENTURES OF ARCHIE AND THA GANG
By Gnarly Wayne
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Roll Call:
Archie: team leader
Jughead: kommunications specialist
Reggie: demolition expert
Dilton: computer specialist
Moose: team tough guy
Betty and/or Veronica: team whores and/or fodder
This episode: Archie and the Gang infiltrate a Capitalist Stronghold
Time: 3:07pm
Location: outside a fortress on an island in the Carribean, like me.
Mission: infiltrate, assassinate, and detonate
Target: "The Bee"
The squad quietly approached the small beach where the drop point was
located. After gathering their equipment and making a quick check of the
perimeter, the unit proceeded to the pre-determined access point. This
particular point was a sewer opening leading into the ocean. Moose quickly
ripped the rusty gate off its hinges and the squad entered. Archie motioned
for everyone to don their masks and kommunication gear that Jughead supplied,
and they carefully made their way down the filthy tunnel. As they
progressed, Archie thought to himself "Hmmm.. 10 minutes, or a turn, has
passed. I wonder if we will encounter any wandering monsters?" The GM
replied "No, I rolled a three."
Soon, the entry point into the fortress was reached. Reggie placed
some silent explosives and rolled percentiles. He made his check and the
explosives went with a <K A B L A M !>, but not as loud as the typing may
mislead you to believe. In fact, it sounded more like this... <poot!>.
A quick check confirmed that they were, indeed, in a deserted hall no
longer used by "The Bee" or any of his cronies. The squad were almost sick
to their stomaches as they look at the long forgotten propaganda used in the
Cold War.
While they were choking down the bile which had begun to rise to
their throats, Dilton used his tricorder to determine the location of "The
Bee". Betty said, "Is he close?". Jughead silenced her with his nine.
Dilton used a complex system of hand signals and body language, which
involved him pointing up. The other members, except Veronica, knew that
meant "The Bee" was located on the second floor.
All of a sudden, the large double doors leading into the hall blasted
open, sending shards of wood everywhere. Gun fire sprayed into the room, but
the well trained squadron had already dove behind cover. Unfortunetly for
Veronica, Archie decided to use her as his cover. As he crouched behind her
bullet-riddled body, a sly grin danced across his lips. He was enjoying this
too much.
Archie got a good look at the enemy, as he always did in such
situations. The grin faded from his face as he took in what was before him.
A giant robot, humanoid in shape, and the words ETHEL painted across its
chest in red, blue, and white. Gun fire rang out from four different points
in the room. Archie could not pinpoint the exact location of the gun fire.
"Damn, we're good.", he thought, the grin returning to his face. Rising up,
he noticed ETHEL firing in all directions, unsure of what to attack. Archie
saw his opening and proceeded to tear a grenade from his chest strap. Archie
tossed his grenade into ETHEL, screaming "For the motherland!!". A black guy
appeared and said "Yo, Arch, you went to Africa?". Archie kicked him in the
chest and dove behind an old dresser. An explosion rocked the room. After
the debris had settled, Archie rose from his hiding place, and said loudly
"Stat check!". All team members (except for the whores) checked in and they
rethought their strategy.
They had to move fast before reinforcements showed up. Dilton had
scanned the room and found a secret elevator leading upstairs. The elevator
was now defunct, so they team broke out the grappling hooks and hemp rope.
Halfwayne up the shaft, a noise above them startled the group. A familiar
voice sent shivers down their spine as it said "Very ingenious, Mista Archie
(& the Gang). But now I'm afraid you are caught like rats in some kind of
trap. HA HA HA HA HA HA!". A grating sound above them atested to the long
unused elevator car descending down upon them. Moving unthinkablely fast,
Moose swung in the floor and allowed the car to pass by. Grabbing onto the
elevator cable, he braced himself as the full weight of the elevator car
almost ripped his arms out of their sockets.
An explosion ripped through the bottom on the car and the rest of the
team members swung up and out the elevator shaft. A shot rang out and Moose
grunted in pain. "The Bee" was running down a hall, smoking .357 still in
hand. Too wounded to move on, Moose was forced to stay behind as the other
team members started in hot pursuit of "The Bee". They followed him into a
large office where the team stopped and quickly scanned the room for his
presence.
All of a sudden, a piercing scream tore through the air as two bodies
emerged from the shadows atop the roof. It was Miss Beazly and Svenson, "The
Bee"'s top agents. Due to element of suprise, Reggie and Dilton were
promptly knocked out of commission. Archie and Jughead tried to train their
sites on the two targets but they simply moved too fast. Within moments,
both brave soldiers had been disarmed and were getting their asses handed to
them on a silver platter.
After several unsuccessful attempts to retailiate, Archie thought to
himself "Hold up, I got skillz." He thought back to the techniques that
master Ren had taught, but, not seeing a broom handy, resorted to some moves
he saw while playing Puzzle Fighter. Since he would not rest until this
small child was happy, he eazily pulled off the huhuhuhwahu move, taking out
both Svenson and Miss Beazly in the process.
Jughead gave him a hearty meal and they were on their wayne to find
the evil "Bee". They found him holed up in his main office, crying in the
corner, muttering such nonsense as "I only wanted to crush communism" and
"my fascist dream ... gone <sob>". Archie and Jughead stood over him,
nines' aimed directly at his head. "See ya around, buddy boy.", Archie said
as both he and Jughead squeezed the trigger and unloaded their clips into the
capitialistic pig.
The whole squad met just outside the castle after Reggie had set up
his explosives in key places within the structure. The sound of chopter
blades interrupted their post-mission cigars as a large Apache rose out of
the forest floor not 200 yards from them. A voice over a loud speaker
brought a sinking feeling to the squadrons hearts as they heard, "Ha Ha Ha!
Capitialism will never die, fools!". "The Bee"'s copter then proceeded to
fly off in the opposite direction. The sullen looks from each team member
conveyed a similiar feeling; it wasn't over. With a deep sigh, Reggie
pressed the detonation button as they saw the pickup boat approach. The loud
explosion followed by the collaspe of the castle lightened their hearts only
a little as they bordered the boat.
Within 24 hours later, back at the main kommand post, the recently
resurrected Lenin approached the group opened armed. He spoke, "Well done,
team, well done. Even though "The Bee" still lives, you did an outstanding
job nonetheless. Have a Guiness Stout on me." The group started to relize
that maybe all wasn't bad as they sucked back their Guiness. Lenin spoke
again, and all listened. "We have tracked "The Bee" to another secret
hideout. In 48 hours time, you will touchdown there to try another
assassination attempt." Archie said, "Where is it this time?".
Lenin said, "The moon ...".
to be kontinued ...
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
|Website http://ncom.base.org |
|Email The BoSS MC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright (c) 1998 Comintern Publications and The Boss MC
All Rights Reserved. #24-6/18/98
