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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research 1994-08
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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1994-08
December, 1994
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: science,humor,improbable research,Ig Nobel
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The mini-journal of inflated research and personalities
published by The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
at The MIT Museum
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1994-08-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1994-08-01 Table of Contents
1994-08-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes
1994-08-03 Sad News: Alex Kohn Has Passed Away
1994-08-04 Vos Savant Slated to Sip Soup at Ceremony
1994-08-05 Robin Leach / Rich & Famous / Food
1994-08-05 AIRhead Time Caplet: Contest Winners
1994-08-06 Further Selected Abstracts from AIR vol. 1, no. 1
1994-08-07 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
1994-08-08 Ancient Rocketry?
1994-08-09 May We Recommend...
1994-08-10 Musical Advice to Christmas Shoppers
1994-08-11 Slide Rule Surprise
1994-08-12 AIRhead Events
1994-08-13 Calls for Papers
1994-08-14 What is AIR? (*)
1994-08-15 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1994-08-16 How to Receive to mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1994-08-17 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses (*)
1994-08-18 Please DO make copies! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1994-08-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes
1. In the November issue we reported that many readers had pointed
out that the October issue of mini-AIR was mistakenly dated 1894
rather than 1894. We apologize for acknowledging our mistake.
2. Time Caplet Update
A time caplet was buried in 1914 by followers of Constant Desiree
Despradelle (1862-1912). The time caplet was coated with a special
anti-aging cream. On December 14, 1994, five Nobel Laureates and
their acolytes will unearth & rebury the time caplet. The event
is growing in scale, pomp and verisimilitude (see section 1994-08-
04, 1994-08-05, and 1994-08-06 below for details). This gala no-
questions-asked occurrence will mar the publication of the first
issue of AIR. A copy of this valued Collectible Issue will appear
in your home or that of a loved one within the next few weeks,
provided that you have remembered to send in your subscription.
(See section 1994-08-16 below for details).
C. AIR home page is still coming
Our World Wide Web home page is patently pending. Our Global
Village Idiot, Amy Gorin, assures us that January will be the
month when we reveal this home page. It will contain, among other
data, an X-ray image from our research project on "The Taxonomy of
Barney." Details will be announced.
5. We have nearly completed construction of the official MIT
Museum Public High-Vacuum Toilet Facility (there are only three
public restrooms in Cambridge). It features six opto-electronic
multimedia functions, including a data bank of 250 tatoos. The
number will be increased as soon as the Internet drop is
installed. Please stop by and try it.
6. Acting on a tip from a reader in Hong Kong, we have obtained a
cache of slide rules. (See section 1994-08-12 below for details.)
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1994-08-03 Sad News: Alexander Kohn Has Passed Away
Last week Alexander Kohn died. Alex was the co-founder and
editorial board chairman of AIR. In 1955, together with Harry
Lipkin, he founded The Journal of Irreproducible Results, of which
he was editor until 1989, and editor emeritus until this year,
when we all left that magazine to create AIR. By day, Alex was an
eminent virologist at Tel Aviv Medical School. By evening, he was
a scholar of the history of scientific fraud. At night, often in
the guise of Dr. X. Perry Mental, Alex produced some of the
funniest and most literate commentaries, parodies and satires ever
written. In coming months, AIR will reprint some of Alex's (and
X.P. Mental's) best articles. Alex was loved and admired by many
people in many places. Anyone who has read his work, and
especially those of us who were lucky enough to know him
personally, will miss Alex terribly.
-- Marc Abrahams
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1994-08-04 Vos Savant Slated to Sip Soup at Ceremony
AIR editorial board member Marilyn Vos Savant, possessor of the
world's highest IQ, will be present at the ceremony, eating soup.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, Ms. Vos Savant will hand out
crackers to all audience members who desire them.
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1994-08-05 Robin Leach / Rich & Famous / Food
Robin Leach, host of the noted science television programs
"Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" and "Robin Leach Talking Food,"
has created and sent us a special videotape (duration: 43 seconds)
and two other items for entombment in the Time Caplet. We do not
know why.
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1994-08-06 AIRhead Time Caplet Contest Winners, etc.
CAPLET CONTEST WINNERS
Our contest was to determine "What/who should be placed into the
time caplet when we re-bury it?" A frighteningly large number of
readers felt compelled to submit entries. Winners will receive
nothing, because this contest was devised by AIRheads. However,
their names and winning entries will be included in the AIR home
page; space does not permit its inclusion here. One of the
winning items, submitted by reader Donald Turnblade, represents
the Internet: it is a half naked Barbie doll with fiber optic
cables instead of doll hair.
RESEARCH MINI-PRESENTATIONS
Several pieces of outstanding improbable research will be mini-
presented at the event:
"Politically Correct Cardiology."
"QI of IQ: A Quantum Interpretation of the Intelligence
Quotient."
"The Taxonomy of Barney"
ATTENDING THE EVENT
The event will take place at the MIT Museum, on Wednesday,
December 14, at 6:30 pm. For details on attending the event, see
section 1994-08-13.)
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1994-08-07 Further Selected Abstracts from AIR vol. 1, no. 1
Following are further selected abstracts from vol. 1, no. 1, of
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). For full details,
including lurid photographs and data, see the issue itself.
"The Paradigm Paradox," Bill Schweber.
The word "paradox" has appeared frequently in the standard
literature since its use in a 1965 book by Thomas Kuhn.
Occurrences are tracked year by year, and presented in chart form.
Literature citations of the word (known as "citings of sightings")
have decreased by 75% during the past year.
"Einstein's Shoes" (poem), by Heather Rypkema.
"I would not live in Einstein's Shoes, despite his noted name./
For as I walked, each shoe would move in someone else's reference
frame..." The author pursues this thought and reaches a logical
conclusion.
Sleep Research Update (who is sleeping with whom in the lab)
Scheduled UFO Appearances
"The Pop-Up Medical Thermometer," by Stephen Drew.
The pop-up medical thermometer is inserted into the skin or into
existing body apertures. The inner cylinder pops up when the
patient's fever subsides, indicating that it is time for the
patient to go home. The technology was originally developed for
the poultry industry. This is its first application to
biomedicine. [Includes photo]
"Book Review: The Nairobi Telephone Directory," by Tim Healey.
This reference work has been deliberately constructed so as to
encourage the contemplative life. Some, but by no means all, names
are listed by forename rather than surname. Alphabetical order is
enhanced in new ways (A,B,C,D,E,S,E,M,E,F,G,...). The Classified
Section headings invoke long chains of "see also" references,
often ending with nonexistent sections.
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1994-08-08 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1993), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. Randomly selected items from the list include:
ITEM #0000A-71 (submitted by investigator Dave Bell)
Infantryman AD 2000. "Jane's Military Review" reports
that: "as visualised by Scicon Computer Systems, he would
be armed with a two-shot vertical-launch missile system and
a twin-barrel personal defence weapon."
COLLECTION #309 (submitted by investigators Earle Spamer and
Richard Clark):
ITEM #SC908 "Wildlife 2000," edited by Jared Verner,
Michael L. Morrison, C. John Ralph, University of
Wisconsin Press.
ITEM #SC909 "Sky Catalogue 2000.0, Vols. 1 and 2," by
Hirshfeld and Sinnott, Cambridge University Press
and Sky Publishing Corporation.
ITEM #SC9902 "Sky Atlas 2000.0," by Wil Tirion, Sky
Publishing Corporation.
ITEM #SC4192 "Norton's Star Atlas 2000."
ITEM #SC4189 "Uranometria 2000.0, Vols. 1 and 2," by Tirion,
Rappaport and Lovi.
ITEM #26 (Submitted by Investigator Roger H. Goun)
Shopping2000, by ContentWare. "The largest audio
and graphically enriched electronic mall as Internet
shopping content."
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1994-08-09 Ancient Rocketry?
Dervishes Not the Only Scientific Pioneers in Turkey
by Bill Higgins
Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, Batavia, IL
mini-AIR 1994-07 (Nov. 94) mentioned[1] a Turkish scholar[3] named
Dr. Celaddin B. Celebi, who explained the significance to physics
of the Whirling Dervishes: "Contemporary science definitely
confirms that the fundamental condition of our existence is to
revolve." His name rang a bell, so I went scampering for my
history references. Could he be a relative of a seventeenth-
century commentator, Evilya Chelebi?
An issue of "Aerospace Historian" (Fall/September 1988) had
"Birdmen of the Middle East: Early Attempts at Human Flight," by
Gary Leiser, a USAF historian specializing in Islamic history.
Leiser quotes, and so will I, from a seventeenth-century account
by Evilya Chelebi. This supposedly happened around 1633 in
Istanbul. (Native speakers, please pardon my slaughter of the
transliterations!)
"This Lagari Hasan had fabricated a seven-cylinder rocket using 50
okkas [about 64 kg] of gunpowder compound. When the Sultan was at
Saray Point, he got on the rocket and his apprentices lit the fuse
of the rocket. Saying, 'My Sultan, I have recommended you to God.
I am going to speak with the Prophet Jesus,' and, praising and
glorifying God, he made his ascent to the highest heaven... At the
roof of the heavens, the powder of the great rocket was exhausted
and when it descended toward the earth, he opened the eagle wings
that he had in his hands and landed in the water in front of the
mansion of Sinan Pasha. He swam from there and came naked to the
Sultan. He kissed the ground and began to joke, saying. 'My
Sultan, the Prophet Jesus sends you his regards.'"
Leiser doesn't believe a word of this, but he says, "Evilya's
account does show that the Turks had the ability to make large
rockets, that some Turks had contemplated human flight by means of
rockets as early as the seventeenth century, and that they may
have even experimented with such a flight."
EDITOR'S NOTE:
1. One incensed reader[2] sent us a letter objecting, in highly
colorful, ethnically oriented language, to the original report,
which was a verbatim quotation from a Turkish ethnomusicologist.
This reader informed us that we should not identify any reports
concerning improbable research from Turkey as being from Turkey.
2. No pun intended.
3. We were unable to identify the nationality of this researcher.
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1994-08-10 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library:
"Three cases of disputed paternity in dogs resolved by the use of
DNA fingerprinting," I.F. Hermans, J Atkinson, JF Hamilton and GK
Chambers, "New Zealand Veterinary Journal," vol 39, no. 2, pp. 61-
64. (Thanks to Doug Freckelton for bringing this to our
attention.)
"The Orthogonal-Random Waveform Dichotomy for Digital Personal
Communications," Andrew J. Viterbi, "IEEE Personal
Communications," vol 1, no 1, Q1, 94, pp. 18-24. (Thanks to Pat
O'Leary for bringing this to our attention.)
"Energy of the Closed Universe With Respect to the Gas of Clocks,"
by N.N. Gorobey and A.S. Lukyanenko, "Classical and Quantum
Gravity," vol. 10, no. 10, 1993, pp. 2107-2110. (Thanks to Scott
Osborne for bringing this to our attention.)
(We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please include full
citations. If possible, please send us a photocopy of the paper.)
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1994-08-11 Musical Advice to Christmas Shoppers[1]
by Harry Lipkin
Weizmann Institute, Rehovot, Israel
Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you
have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get
gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have
time to give Bach thins you decide you don't want.
NOTE
1. No pun not intended.
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1994-08-12 Slide Rule Surprise
We have obtained a stash of genuine 12" slide rules. They are
logarithmic in nature. They can be ordered via email
(mitshop@mit.edu) or telephone (617-253-4462). The price is
$19.95 plus $4.50 shipping/handling. The primary use of this
instrument is to produce the following speech from your father,
the engineer:
"When I was your age, we didn't have one of them fancy-ass
computers, we had to do all the calculations by hand, and
I'll bet you don't even know what the square root of 369.72 is,
but I can find it using this here stick, you see, now how was
it these things worked anyway, you are supposed to line up, uh,
something and something else, uh, well, we were real engineers
back then, I tell you."
Don't say you weren't warned.
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1994-08-13 AIRhead Events
AIRhead TIME CAPLET UNEARTHING/BURIAL Wed., Dec 14, 6:30-7:45
The event will take place at the MIT Museum.
A VERY limited number of tickets (they are free!) will be
available at the Student Center Museum shop ONLY the week of the
event ONLY ONLY ONLY.
SCIENCE WRITERS OF NY (SWINY) Thurs, Feb. 2, 6:30
New York Academy of Science, 2 E. 63rd St., NYC
SCIENCE DISCOVERY MUSEUM, Acton MA Tues Feb. 7, 3:30-4:30
A hyperinteractive presentation for kids and other scientists.
Info:617-264-4200
NEW ENGLAND SCIENCE FICTION ASSOCIATION Feb. 17-19
Sheraton Tara, Framingham, MA
MENSA OF CENTRAL NJ Sat., Mar 4, 1995, 7:30
Sheraton, Woodbridge, NJ
Info: 908-297-5492 matray@watson.bms.com
INTERSOCIETY POLYMER SOCIETY October 10, 1995
Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD
The society recommends early reservations. Info: (518) 387-7942
*** If you would like to host an Improbable Research Event
*** at your conference, university, research center, company,
*** hospital, high school, or scenic mountain vacation home,
*** please get in touch with us.
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1994-08-14 Calls for Papers
CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Chocolate Research." Reports of
your research RESULTS are preferred to speculative essays.
CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes. Ig Nobel Prizes
are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be
reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or
otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail.
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1994-08-15 WHAT IS AIR? (*)
AIR is a new magazine produced by the entire former editorial
staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results
(JIR)". The new magazine's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who
edited JIR from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who founded JIR in
1955 and was its editor until 1989. AIR is published by the MIT
Museum in Cambridge, MA. The editorial board consists of more
than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world including
seven Nobel Laureates. Each October, AIR and the MIT Museum
produce the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose
achievements cannot or should not be reproduced.
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1994-08-16 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Stay way ahead of what you need to know:
The Taxonomy of Barney * A Natural History of the Articulated
Lorry * Effectiveness of Chinese Fortune Cookies * A Review of
the Nairobi Telephone Directory * The Aerodynamics of Potato
Chips * The Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony * Scientific Gossip *
Nobel Thoughts (offbeat interviews with Nobel Laureates) *
Elegant Results (reviews of cosmetics ads) * Hot Air
(exhalations from our readers) * X-Rays of the Rich and Famous *
and then some!
The first issue of AIR will appear in December, 1994. Join us as
a subscriber, and as a collaborator!
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1994-08-17 How to Receive to mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an electronic publication, available over the
Internet, free of charge. It is distributed as a LISTSERV
application. We publish approximately 12 issues per year.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either of these
addresses:
LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU or LISTSERV@MITVMA
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words "SUBSCRIBE
MINI-AIR" followed by your name.
Here are two examples:
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR Irene Curie Joliot
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR Nicholai Lobachevsky
To stop subscribing,
send the following message to the same address:
SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues,
send this message:
INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue,
send a message specifying which issue you want.
For example, to retrieve issue 94-00006,send this message:
GET MINI-AIR 94-00006
To obtain a somewhat complete list of gopher sites that maintain
mini-AIR, email us a request.
::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET news group clari.feature.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research. The material presented there is different
from what appears here in mini-AIR. [Please note: The newsgroup is
available to you if and only if your Internet site subscribes to
the Clarinet newsgroups.]
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1994-08-18 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA 02139 USA
Subscriptions: (617) 253-4462 fax:(617)253-8994 mitshop@mit.edu
Editorial: 617) 253-8329 air@mit.edu
PLEASE include your Internet address
in all printed correspondence.
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1994-08-19 Please make copies! (*)
We urge you to distribute copies of mini-AIR or excerpts from it.
The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material appeared in mini-AIR and is
reprinted with permission.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy or excerpt this document
for commercial purposes.
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(c) copyright 1994, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
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Editor: Marc Abrahams (marca@mit.edu)
WWW Editor/Global Village Idiot: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu)
Associate Editors: Mark Dionne, Stanley Eigen, Jane Patrick
Technical Difficulties: Diego Garcia, Francesca Thurston
Authority Figure: Barbara Linden
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IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY
associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" or with the publisher of "The Journal of
Irreproducible Results"
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