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The Lone Gunmen Issue 058
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| ___ ___ |
| |_ | | _| | ______ ______
|___| | | |___| |_ _| / \
| | | | | /----\/
| | | | | |
| | | | | | ___
| | | | __ | | <_ | Issue #058
_| |_ _| |_| | | \___/ | Date:06\16\96
|______| () |_________| () \________/ ()
_ / / \ \ _
/ _ / THE LONE GUNMEN Presents: \ _ \
| | | |
| | It didn't open the Payphone. | |
| | Written By: Abigwar | |
| | | |
| | Payphones are indistructable | |
| | in my oppinion. | |
| \____________________________________/ |
\________________________________________/
********************************STOP******************************************
*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that ***
*** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P ***
*** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
******************************************************************************
Here are 101 different things that did not help to get the money out of
a stolen payphone. These are not necessarily in order.
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1. Prying and wedging with a crowbar
2. Beating with a ball-peen hammer
3. Beating and prying with a carpenters hammer
4. Beating with a sledgehammer
5. Beating with a croquet mallet
6. Beating, prying, and wedging with a pipe
7. Kicking with steal capped boots
8. Blowing up with M-80's
9. Blowing up with gun powder and trace amounts of Ammonian Nitrate
10. Picking locks with paper clips
11. Picking locks with make-shift band-saw blade lock picks
12. Picking locks with pubic hair
13. Drilling holes with hand drill
14. Breaking gate off change return
15. Smashing with sticks
16. Beating, prying, wedging and smashing with bars
17. Beating with numchulks
18. Getting chased off by cops repeatedly
19. Attacking with sickle
20. Dropping it off the top of a table
21. Dropping it off the top of a filing cabinet
22. Dropping it off the top of a tall rack
23. Dropping it off the roof of a building
24. Dropping it off a rail road trestle
25. Throwing it at the floor
26. Throwing it at the wall
27. Throwing it at each other
28. Dropping an empty refrigerator on it
29. Throwing it at a photocopy machine
30. Lighting it on fire with oil
31. Smashing, beating and prying with other make-shift weapons
32. Throwing Chinese stars at it
33. Throwing chairs at it
34. Filling it with salt water
35. Pissing on it
36. Jumping on it
37. Stomping on it
38. Having sex with ugly woman next to it
39. Stepping on it
40. Standing on it
41. Cutting all the wires off it
42. Trying to unscrew it
43. Shooting bottle rockets at it
44. Throwing small fire crackers at it
45. Pressing the coin return
46. Breaking the coin return
47. Melting it with propane torch
48. Submerging it in water
49. Cutting it with a hack saw
50. Cutting it with the saw in a Swiss army knife
51. Cutting it with a Swiss army knife
52. Cutting it with a plastic kitchen knife
53. Throwing assorted silverware at it
54. Smashing strange wood rack over it
55. Wishing it would give us the money willingly
56. Preying
57. Hopping
58. Hoping
59. Cursing and swearing at it
60. Screaming and yelling at it (which only brought the cops)
61. Writing tag-lines on it
62. Looking at it dirty
63. Teasing it
64. Harassing it
65. Making obscene jokes about it
66. Throwing light bulbs at it
67. Dropping florescent light bulbs on it
68. Taking apart the receiver
69. Trying to hammer railroad spikes into it
70. Shooting it with slingshot
71. Shooting it with rocks VIA three man water balloon launcher
72. Punching it
73. Focusing energy into it
74. Pretending to unlock it with invisible key
75. Trying to trick it into thinking we where extra large coins that need to
get in
76. Putting more money down coin slot
77. Kicking doors down on top of it
78. Biting it (Just kidding, we didn't try that one)
79. Trying to electrocute it with car battery
80. Throwing 9 volt battery at it
81. Breaking ashtray over it
82. Dropping broken TV on it
83. Throwing it at dumpster
84. Throwing it through sheetrock wall
85. Pouring Pepsi on it
86. Putting lit cigarettes in and against it
87. Throwing unlabeled wooden mail box at it
88. Throwing it against a furnace
89. Beating it with baseball bat
90. Putting lit cigars in and against it
91. Wrapping it in a burning carpet, then macing with fire extinguisher
92. Macing with fire extinguisher while not burning
93. Spraying it with teargas
94. Throwing rocks at it
95. Hammering with rocks
96. Singing country songs at it, as a form of torture
97. Dropping set rat trap on it
98. Putting it in a mail cart and ramming it against concrete wall
99. Dropping it off a loading dock platform
100. Throwing it at a giant bolder
101. Throwing it into a river and never seeing it again
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(C)opyright 1996, April 20th. Abigwar [TlG] -'96'-
