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The Lone Gunmen Issue 071
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| | | | __ | | <_ | Issue #:071
_| |_ _| |_| | | \___/ | Date:07\26\96
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_ / / \ \ _
/ _ / ThE LONE GUNMEN Presents: \ _ \
| | | |
| | Short Term Money Making Scam | |
| | Written By: Saroyan | |
| | Volume 1 | |
| | (Soda and Candy Vending Machines) | |
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*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on text philez and that***
*** means that even the yuppie kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probably blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples,and P-P***
*** blown off, so before you continue read the File "DISCLAIMER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
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Well, I'm new here so if you've heard any of these before, please
don't give me rude feedback. Anyway, I feel oddly about capitalism. I feel
that many of us are born in positions in which they have a lot of money at
my age. Being a college student (which definitely has much to do with
privilege) at a private school with parents who are not rich I know just
how tight money can be. I really don't need much to survive (I don't have
a car or a high-maintainance significant other), just a couple bucks for a
case of beer or cigarrettes (which in some areas of Pennsylvania you must be
21 years of age or older to purchase) or personal items. Well, here comes
the point --- I've discovered many ways to get a few bucks when money is
tight both from experimentation and from word-of-mouth. Although I never
put any of these methods into practice and some of them are accompanied
by heavy fines, I thought I would share these with all of you, in somewhat
organized segments, for you to get a laugh out of.
1. Soda Machines / Candy Vending Machines
These are gold mines, both to the midnight snacker and the
cash-poor. The first method requires that the machine has a dollar slot.
Follow these simple directions.
Ingredients:
Lots of Salt
Lots of Water
Super-Soaker, squirt bottle, or suitable substitute
small sack (a winter cap works great) to catch change in
a larger sack (to collect sodas cans or candy)
a. Find a super-soaker or some other container that would
allow you to squirt some distance.
b. Mix a salt-water solution with a mad amount of salt.
c. Spray the solution into the dollar slot and jam on the
buttons to request sodas/tasty snack treats. (A 2 person operation
is probably the best)
d. Sodas and change will pour out. Be sure that neither of
the slots become jammed or that might put an end to your fun.
e. Continue spraying solution into slot.
f. The machine will make odd noises and might shake. Be
sure nobody is around that may rain on your parade.
g. The change will come out in types. (i.e, all the nickles
then all the dimes, etc.)
h. Don't give up if it stops. Tip the machine and slam it
back up. Sometimes it gets congested and needs a little help.
i. Keep the solution flowing. If necessary make more.
j. Gather all of the change and sodas.
k. Get the fuck out of there and don't leave any prints.
l. Save me a Snapple (those things are usually 85 cents!)
There are a couple of unfortunate side-effects to this. The first
and foremost is: I haven't heard of or discovered a way to get the bills
from the machine. The second is: The machine will need repairs before it
works again. It will not even accept change and will look broken (the
lights on the front make fun designs). It may not be a good idea to do it
in your dorm (if you go to a small school), you may have to foot the bill.
Another way to get a few snacks (less destructive) is to simply tip
the candy machine and slam it or drop it back up against the wall. A few
of the taller snacks (i.e. Hershey Bars) will fall (I wish I liked candy or
Soda). It lacks a certain clandestine element and a Baboon would have
probably gotten around to it, but hey, I don't know all of you. Well,
that probably covers this segment, so if you want to hear more ways to make
some cash just let me know.
P.S. If anyone knows how to get the bills, let me know.
