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The Lone Gunmen Issue 046
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| | | | __ | | <_ | Issue #:046
_| |_ _| |_| | | \___/ | Date:04\26\96
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_ / / \ \ _
/ _ / THE LONE GUNMEN Presents: \ _ \
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| | Pinky and the Brain are REAL! | |
| | Written By: Abigwar | |
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********************************STOP******************************************
*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that ***
*** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P ***
*** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
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As most of you know, I have been away from the hacker scene for
quite some time. The reason is because I was deep in the heart of
London, researching the evil, Pinky and the Brain. This mission
was the smallest covert operation ever, but the results, are
so important the whole world could be lost if I don't write down
what I learned. Not that I am complaining or anything. I think
we might actually benefit from this! Anyway, this is what I learned.
Pinky and the Brain are REAL lab mice. They really breath, they
really walk on two feet, they even really talk. In fact the only
thing different from the cartoon, is that Brain actually has a english
accent as well.
See, the people who made the cartoon, are not people. They are
Pinky and Brain. Oh, and of course their Gestapo of other rodents
which is led by Dien Hargen, The insanely suicidal Mongoose. The
show is a cover of an actual elabrate scheme to rule the world.
Ironically enough because the cartoon is actually about the rodents
trying to control every thing.
In many episodes, Brain often admits to the people unknowingly
involved in his plans, that he is a mouse hell-bent on one particular
goal. When he does this, the people just laugh in disbelief. Just
like so many people who laugh at the cartoon itself.
His real plan, is to turn capitalism against the world, by making
his cartoon so well liked that Pinky and the Brain merchandise is
produced. Now do you remember when Chelsea Clinton (With such a wonder-
full name might I add! [see footnote]) had her birthday, and people
actually sent her cars? Well Pinky and the Brain will be so big next
year, that on her birthday, she will unsuspectingly receive a pair of
life-like rodent dolls.
And hidden in side these dolls, guess who? Thats right Brain and
Pink. The scientists at Acme Labs, test out a formula on the mice
which happens to be closely related to LSD which on humans has the
same effects. (Not that I stole a whole gallon of it and tested it
before writing this or anything!) But oddly enough makes lab mice go
into a conscious state of coma so to speak. Using this chemical Pinky
and Brain render themselves temporarily paralyzed.
Then Dien Hargen will place them into the special dolls and mail them
direct to the White House. Chelsea, that night, will go to bed with
her dolls not far away. After a short while the potion will where off
and the diabolical two will release them selves from the dolls, and
start phase three of the plan.
Using the skills they learned in the Highlands of Scotland, and shores
of Scandinavia during their odd 'trips' caused by Acme's experiments,
Brain and Pinky will kill all the secret service, and other guards in
the large White Hole, err, House. Then they will decapitate President
Clinton AND HIS WIFE (yes, _HIS_ _WIFE_ not HUSBAND, but WIFE) and hog
tie Chelsea with an American flag.
How in the world could two MICE do this? Your asking... Well, The
Vikings and highlanders where the best, and guess who they learned from
in their altered states of consciousness. Now, Brain will send a message
to all other nations, saying if they did not empower the Rodent Gestapo
leader of that country, Brain would give the command to use the United
Spades, err, States vast nuclear arsenal against that country.
And that my friends is how it will be done! Below is a list of some
of the rodent operatives in different countries. Oh and indecently, Brain
intends to give North Ireland back to the Irish! HAIL BRAIN!
Scotland - Mouse MacNugget the HighOne
England - James Vermin Smithe the Dirty
Ireland - Pat McDrunk the Tipsy
Germany - Dien Hargen the Suicidal
Brazil - Zaubinka Gonako the almost unpronounceable
South Afr.- John White the Rodent ANC spy
Denmark - Gerbil Rodent the Horrible
Sweden - Hamster Rodent the Brutal
Wales - Googlemyr Myraan the Truly Unpronounceable
Poland - A. Koolandski the Incompetent
Russia - Furry White Mouse the Un-named
Zimbabwe - Abi Gwaran the Rude
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FOOTNOTE- Chelsea is a great name. Skinhead girl hair cuts are called fringes
or chelseas. Many skinheads who have children or plan to have children name
their daughters 'CHELSIA'. To bad shes a Clinton.
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(Dramatization)
-In todays world news:
"The IRA is being charged with blowing up english garbage cans! What will
they think of next?"
-Back at the pub:
"Aye, When I told ya to blow up the english trash, I didn't quite mean it like
that lad!"
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(C)opyright 1996 04/09 ABIGWAR[TlG]
