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The Lone Gunmen Issue 026
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| | | | __ | | <_ | Issue #:026
_| |_ _| |_| | | \___/ | Date:02\23\96
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_ / / \ \ _
/ _ / THE LONE GUNMEN Presents: \ _ \
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| | Pee-Pee Tax | |
| | Written By: Mulder | |
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********************************STOP******************************************
*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that ***
*** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P ***
*** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
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Form: Internal Revenu Sevice
Subject: Increased Tax Payments
Dear Taxpayers:
The only thing the Internal Revenu Sevice has not taxed is
your pecker.. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is
hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of
the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is employed, but it
operates it the hole.. Furthermore, it has two dependents and the
are both nuts.
Accordingly, After March 1, 1996 your pecker will be taxed
based on its size, using the "Pecker-Checker Scale" below. Determine
your catagory and insert the additional tax under "Other Taxes,"
Page 2, Part V, Line 61 of your Standard Income Tax Return.
PECKER-CHECKER SCALE
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
10-12 inches .............. Luxury Tax $50.00
8-10 inches .............. Pole Tax $25.00
6-8 inches (Privilege) $15.00
4-6 inches .............. Nuisance Tax $ 5.00
Note: Anyone under 4 inches is eliible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION....................
Males with peckers in excess of 12 inches should file
under CAPITAL GAINS..
If you are unsure of you correct category, please call our office and
we will send out a Peter Meter Reader.
Very Truly Yours,
Your Tax Woman
