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The Humus Report Issue 14
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THE Electronic Fun Zone dedicated to fertilizing Mother Earth
in the finest possible tradition. Serving Mother since the 1950s.
Issue 013, Vol III #04
copyright (c) March 1992
caren park
chief bottle washer, owner, publisher, editor, other stuff
all rights reserved, and any/all applicable legal rigamarole
============================================================================
February 1992: The month the president of the US would like
to forget. The month his Republican competitor (Pat "I'm Not a Journalist")
Buchanan set fire to his (President Bush) cojones by saying he (President
Bush) was politically barely to the left of Hitler and not worthy of the
office. The month when Buchanan was accused of consorting with/being "a
journalist," with all the "liberal" baggage contained therein. The month
when 30+% of South Dakota Republicans decided to give their vote of
confidence to "None of the Above." The month that five major Democratic
candidates stumbled over each other attempting to find "electability."
March 1992: When we probably find out which of the candidates will still
be "electable." When it's entirely possible the US electorate will finally
decide that only the stupid would vote for "any of the above."
We would like to thank cartoon artists and writers, your everyday
news gathering agencies, idiots, biblical scholars and dieters everywhere,
and the United States Executive Branch for making it exceptionally easy to
find good fertilizings...
So, without further adieu, on with the show...
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"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here..."
============================================================================
The fundamental problem with program maintenance is that fixing a
defect has a substantial (20-50 percent) chance of introducing another.
So, the whole process is two steps forward and one step back
- Frederick P Brooks, Jr, "The Mythical Man-month" -
============================================================================
Are YOU a CHOCOHOLIC? Take this easy quiz and find out!
1. Do you consider chocolate one of the 4 basic food groups?
Yes/No
2. Do you lie awake at night worrying about a potential world
chocolate shortage? Yes/No
3. Do you buy chocolate chips, claiming they're for baking
purposes, yet never actually bake? Yes/No
4. Have you been known to dab chocolate syrup on your pulse points
in lieu of cologne? Yes/No
-*-*-*-
DIETING UNDER STRESS
This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds
up during the day.
BREAKFAST
0.5 grapefruit
1.0 slice whole wheat toast
8.0 oz skim milk
LUNCH
4.0 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1.0 cup steamed spinach
1.0 cup herb tea
1.0 oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of oreos in package
2.0 pints rocky road ice cream
1.0 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts
cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2.0 loaves garlic bread with cheese
1.0 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
1.0 large pitcher of beer
3.0 Milky Way or Snickers candy bars
LATE EVENING SNACK
1.0 frozen Sarah Lee Cheesecake eaten directly from freezer
DIET TIPS
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the
candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, the calories don't count if you
both eat the same amount.
4. Food used for medicinal purpose NEVER counts, such as hot
chocolate brandy, toast, and Sarah Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look
thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they
are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal
fuel. This includes Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots,
and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain NO calories. The process of breakage
causes caloric leakage.
8. Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you
are in the process of preparing something. Examples: Peanut butter on a
knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color
============================================================================
The press says, "Why are you always playing teenagers?" I'm
nineteen. What am I supposed to do? Play a judge?
- Winona Ryder -
============================================================================
If the Bible is to remain a living document, it must be
periodically brought up-to-date to reflect the social and economic realities
of contemporary life. We have already been given the New English Bible, and
now a new edition is being prepared for the American businessman, edited and
written in living business prose. The following excerpt is from Genesis:
The Lord endowed man with sole proprietorship over the
Garden of Eden, but with one legal restriction:
"This is a free, competitive market," the Lord told man,
"and all commodities are available for consumption, with the exception of
the seasonal production of the Tree of Knowledge which, if consumed,
advertently or inadvertently, will lead to consequences, the seriousness of
which cannot be too greatly emphasized."
Then the Lord, in executive session, decided:
"Man is a socioeconomic creature whose standard of living is
currently geared to the primitive subsistence level. Furthermore, as a lone
operator he is handicapped by the absence of a free exchange of market
information and by the lack of personal incentives."
The Lord therefore initiated a research and development
program that soon produced the hardware which was to revolutionize
agriculture. From his laboratories poured birds and beasts of every
conceivable make and model.
This developmental achievement was capped with a surgical
operation that must inevitably place His name alongside those of Pasteur and
Salk: putting man under local anesthesia, a rib was removed, and using this
rib as raw material, a new creature --- woman --- was synthesized. The
economic benefits accruing from this technological breakthrough were
numerous. The immediate effect was to double man's productive capacity, but
in the long run it enabled him to create a cheap labor pool which
effectively kept wages down and maintained favorable profit ratios.
Now, a competitive situation soon arose in the Garden of
Eden when a Serpent initiated a sales campaign aimed at lowering the
unusually heavy post-seasonal inventory at the Tree of Knowledge.
Approaching the woman, Eve, the Serpent said:
"We have a special introductory offer on fruit from the Tree
of Knowledge, better known by its brand name, Forbidden Fruit. How about
taking home a few lugs?"
Eve replied:
"The Lord told us Forbidden Fruit is cheap foreign
merchandise dumped in the Garden of Eden to try to undermine the Paradise
Way of Life."
"You must have our product confused with some other fruit,"
the Serpent said. "Look at this report from an independent research
organization. It shows that 84-percent of the serpents who ate of the Tree
of Knowledge attained infinite wisdom. It can do the same for you."
"Infinite wisdom --- who needs it? What else will it do?"
"It's also guaranteed to give you a better complexion in
thirty days or your money back."
"I'll take two lugs," Eve said, "but don't tell Adam; he'll
be furious."
After Eve had consumed the Forbidden Fruit, she realized she
had been duped by one of the few unscrupulous operators who give the whole
selling profession a bad name. Ridden with guilt, she went to Adam and
said, "Honey, take a bite of this apple; it's delicious."
"Isn't that Forbidden Fruit?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. I just bought a couple of
lugs from the Serpent."
"You little idiot. That's cheap foreign merchandise, dumped
on the Garden of Eden in a naked attempt to undermine the Paradise Way of
Life."
"I know all that, but he assured me that it would improve my
complexion and you know how I've been breaking out from all this rich food."
"That's fine for you, but what's in it for me?"
"Infinite wisdom."
"Infinite wisdom? Who needs it?"
"Look, sweetie," Eve said, smiling coyly, "do it for me, OK?"
"Well, OK," Adam replied, and ate of the Forbidden Fruit.
"Not bad for cheap foreign merchandise. Say, incidentally,
Eve, why don't you throw a few fig leaves together and make a little outfit
for yourself. It doesn't look so good parading in front of the birds and
beasts like that."
When the Lord received a communication to the effect that
Adam and Eve had allowed cheap foreign merchandise to be marketed in the
Garden of Eden in the face of explicit protective legislation, He was
bitterly disappointed. As Adam and Eve walked through the garden, the Lord
spoke to them over the public address system.
"I am bitterly disappointed," the Lord boomed, "that you
have jeopardized the Paradise Way of Life by allowing foreign competition to
make inroads into domestic markets. In order to assess the full extent of
the damage suffered by our sales structure and to insure the containment of
further erosion of our markets, it will be necessary to determine
responsibility for violation of the Tree of Knowledge Tariff Act."
"Of course, I accept full responsibility for the actions of
those under my jurisdiction," Adam said. "However, for the record, I want
it noted that it was Eve who made the illegal purchase of Forbidden Fruit
and persuaded me to eat this inferior foreign product."
"I'm only a poor housewife victimized by the sharp practices
of an unscrupulous Serpent," Eve replied. "How are we consumers supposed to
protect ourselves without adequate labelling laws?"
The Lord declared:
"This violation of sound business practices cannot go
unheeded. It is the decision of the executive board that you are to give up
your franchise to the Garden of Eden. I hope it is understood that this
action was taken without personal animosity, since you have both rendered
loyal service in the past. However, We find We must cancel your health
insurance and pension benefits. You have My sincere best wishes and hopes
for success in your future undertakings. Please leave the keys at the gates
as you leave"
- John J McLaughlin, "The New Businessman's Bible" (excerpt) -
-*-*-*-
There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense. In
other words, a good offense wins
- VP J Danforth Quayle, attempting to paraphrase Bobby Knight,
basketball coach -
============================================================================
Delivered by Brother I/O at the December 1990 PULSAR meeting:
THE SERMON ON THE MONITOR
Dearly C-loved, we are basically assembled here today
because PCing is believing. We're here to console you; ASCII and ye shall
receive. We say there is a life worth debugging! Data, data everywhere,
but not a thought to think, that is the problem...
Dear friends, perhaps you've interfaced with someone out
there with a terminal illness, some poor hacker with bloodshot eyes in data
distress who's been attacked by the evil one, Glitch, and his wicked helper
Crosslink, someone whose FAT is truly in the fire. Even if your data has
been blown all to HAL and it's your cluster's last stand, there's not a
thing we can do to bring it back. But, we can solace you in your hour of
need.
And that is why the Giver Of Data has downloaded to me, from
his heavenly host mainframe, at 9,600 baud error-free, the Keyboard Prayer
for the data distressed. Now, let us make the sign of the monitor (trace a
square with your finger in the air), bow our heads, and pray in parallel:
THE KEYBOARD PRAYER
Our program who art in memory,
HELLO be thy name.
Thy keyboard hum,
Thy work be done,
On disk as it is in memory.
Give us our data
In key-field order
And forgive us our I/O errors,
As we forgive those with faulty logic circuits,
And lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us from power surges.
For thine is the algorithm,
the application and the solution,
looping forever and ever.
Return!
============================================================================
Other people set one's objectives, provide one's resources,
and furnish one's information. One rarely controls the circumstances of
his work, or even its goal. In management terms, one's authority is not
sufficient for his responsibility. It seems that in all fields, however,
the jobs where things get done never have formal authority commensurate
with responsibility. In practice, actual authority is acquired from the
very momentum of accomplishment
- Frederick P Brooks, Jr, "The Mythical Man-month" -
-*-*-*-
SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT,
TEMPE, ARIZONA
CASE #B19294,
JUDGE JOAN KUJAVE, PRESIDING
Wile E Coyote, Plaintiff
vs
Acme Company, Defendant
Opening statement of Mr Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr Coyote:
My client, Mr Wile E Coyote, a resident of Arizona and
contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme
Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise,
incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and
territory. Mr Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of
business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the
actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the
United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to
product liability.
Mr Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he
purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, `Defendant'), through that
company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily
injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling.
Sales slips made out to Mr Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the
possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr
Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his
profession of predator. Mr Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible
for Workmen's Compensation.
Mr Coyote states that on December 13th, he received of Defendant via
parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr Coyote was to use the
Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey.
Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled, Mr Coyote removed it from its
wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the
ignition. As Mr Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated
with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr Coyote's forelimbs
to a length of fifty feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr Coyote's body shot
forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and
placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the
horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path,
the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr Coyote abreast of his prey.
At that moment the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the
right. Mr Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was
unable to, due poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or
nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of
the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr Coyote into collision with the side of a
mesa.
Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit
B), prepared by Dr Ernest Grosscup, MD, DO, details the multiple fractures,
contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr Coyote as a result of this
collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head
(excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four
legs. Hampered by these injuries, Mr Coyote was neertheless obliged to
support himself.
With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to mobility
one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product,
however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which
occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter,
without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case,
two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger
safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr Coyote lost control of the Rocket
Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard
so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.
Mr Coyote states on occasions too numerous to list in this
document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant:
The Acme `Little Giant' Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc.
(For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and
attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe
to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr Coyote
performed in an expected manner.
To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal
effort, Mr Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden
trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiralling downward around it
to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough
was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by
Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation
indicated by the X. Mr Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly
on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue # 78-832),
climbed to the top of the butte. Mr Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed,
approached, and Mr Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the
fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate.
In addition to reducing all Mr Coyote's careful preparations
to naught, the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the
following disfigurements to Mr Coyote:
1) Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle
2) Sooty discoloration
3) Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to
dangle in the aftershock with a creaking noise
4) Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing
kinking, frazzling, and ashy disintegration
5) Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring
We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains
of a pair of these purchased by Mr Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's
Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical
laboratories of the University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis,
but to date no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and
extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity
itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs
of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a
cocking devise with a lanyard release. Mr Coyote believed that this product
would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the
chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.
To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr
Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder.
Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr Coyote's prey was known to
frequent. Mr Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and
crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard
release. Within a short time, Mr Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the
path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr Coyote, well
within range of the springs at full extension. Mr Coyote gauged the
distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release.
At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr
Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown,
the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr Coyote. As
the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr Coyote hung suspended in air. Then
the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr Coyote to a violent feet-first
collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters
falling upon his lower extremities.
The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound,
whereupon Mr Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision
followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had
begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs
adding to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr Coyote came into contact with
the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr Coyote, or both came
into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process
continued for some time.
The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical
damage to Mr Coyote, viz, flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement
of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression
of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a
vertical axis produced a series of folds in Mr Coyote's body tissues --- a
rare and painful condition which caused Mr Coyote to expand upward and
contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key,
accordion-like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing
nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr Coyote's pursuit of
a normal social life.
As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual
monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr Coyote's work. It
is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the
detriment of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder,
giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber
bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr Coyote has
no other domestic source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder
what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a
situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the
most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.
Mr Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard the
larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of
seventeen million dollars. In addition, Mr Coyote seeks actual damages
(missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation) of
one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to
reputation) of twenty million dollars; and attorney's fees of seven hundred
and fifty thousand dollars. Total damages: Thirty-eight million, seven
hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr Coyote the full amount,
this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders,
successors, and assigns, in the only language they understand, and reaffirm
the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law
- Ian Frazier, 26 Feb 1990 'The New Yorker' -
============================================================================
Last month's puzzle was a short little poem about an innkeeper
who had been asked to place 10 men into 9 rooms, such that each had their
own room. The poem made it sound as if the innkeeper was able to do so...
However, the true answer follows. In poetic form, of course... :)
-*-*-*-
Innkeepers are a clever lot,
But one was not too bright,
'Cause in nine rooms he could, he thought,
Sleep ten without a fight.
When to the inn our party strode,
I was the last of ten
The other nine were bedded first,
My turn had come, but then;
Back to the first, the innkeep ran,
From there one man was led
He took him to the room twas mine
And gave to him, MY bed.
He called him last who was the first,
And left me cold and tired,
So with my sword, I ran him through
And in his bed, retired.
Now wiser men from this should learn,
A simple rule of thumb
When fucking with a tired man's bed,
A clever plan is dumb
-*-*-*-
Straight men need to be emasculated. I'm sorry. They all need to
be slapped around. Women have been kept down for too long. Every straight
guy should have a man's tongue in his mouth at least once
- Madonna -
============================================================================
Now, we come to my favourite section, "The News Slick," where truth
is almost always stranger than fiction... It's doubtful that anyone could
make up better news than what the normal wire services provide on an almost
daily basis... With that in mind, here's all the news that fits to
print... Enjoy!
-*-*-*-
An enraged South African motorist bit off a policeman's ear while
being ticketed
- March 1986 -
-*-*-*-
Berlin Heights, Ohio: A couple filed a $125,000 lawsuit
against a pizza company, claiming a "spoiled, rotten, rancid and moldy"
pizza caused the death of their dog Fluffy. Their lawyer said the couple
"became violently ill after eating a small quantity of the pizza. Then,
they became severely distressed in their search for medical assistance and
ran over Fluffy in the driveway."
-*-*-*-
A goldfish dealer in Florida asked tax collectors if he should keep
a dead fish as proof of a loss.
The auditors' reply? Please don't
- March 1986 -
-*-*-*-
Indianapolis: A woman accused of writing more than $100,000 in bad
checks was freed when she posted $1,800 bail --- by writing another rubber
check
- March 1986 -
-*-*-*-
Gresham, Oregon: A supermarket clerk sued a co-worker for
$100,000 for mental stress and humiliation. He charged the colleague with
"repeatedly and intentionally" passing gas at him while both were clerks in
a local supermarket.
-*-*-*-
"Human Events" has come up with what we think is one of the best
definitions of deficit spending we've seen. Such spending, it says, is like
burning the logs of your life raft to keep yourself warm
- March 1968 Augusta Georgia Herald -
-*-*-*-
Bellevue, Washington: A man, frustrated after his car got stuck,
took a tire iron out of his trunk and smashed every window in the car.
Still not satisfied, he pulled out a 9mm pistol and shot all four tires full
of holes. The man then reloaded the gun and fired several more shots, but
the gun jammed. He threw it down in the snow and returned to the tire iron.
He was battering the hood when the police arrived. They said the man
appeared sober and rational, just extremely perturbed
-*-*-*-
The war between deadbeats and businesses issuing credit cards is
being escalated again. And it has gone electronic with a vengeance.
Two Wisconsin inventors have re-designed those imprinting devices
that merchants use to record your name and account number on sales slips.
They added a computer wire to it and also a small oven.
When your card is placed in the new device, the home-office computer
goes over your account. If you've been paying your bills, the gadget works
just as before. But if you're a deadbeat, the oven goes on --- and your
credit card goes up in smoke...
- March 1968 Atlanta Journal-Constitution -
-*-*-*-
Meribel, France: The Safest Sex Award at this year's Winter
Olympics goes to the United States hockey team which, despite the presence
of 36,000 condoms being passed out to athletes at the games, evidently had
no energy to use them.
"Ice hockey," said forward Viatcheslav Bykov, "is the best
form of contraception"
- 23 February 1992 -
============================================================================
Editorial Commentary
-*-*-*-
January 1991: 58% of the people in the US live in areas
where the air quality falls short of the standards set by the 1970 Clean Air
Act
-*-*-*-
Every ton of re-cycled paper saves 9.9 cubic feet of landfill space
-*-*-*-
Every day, the citizens of Los Angeles drive 142 million
miles --- the distance from Earth to Mars
- 50 Simple Things You Can Do to Save the Earth -
-*-*-*-
Every second, on each square yard of its surface, the sun
produces enough energy to light 100,000 homes
============================================================================
And, last but not least, a few words of wisdom. It's true that
mankind does not live by bread alone, and we've pretty much proved that
axiom with these unusual masterpieces. To quote someone much smarter than
myself (hi, Kalen!): "I am non-denominational --- I accept all forms of
currency. So, open your hearts and empty your pockets!"
A wonderful sentiment, don't you think?
If you should find it in your hearts to like what we are doing
here, and would like to help us stay in business AND solvent, please send
your non-tax-deductible subscriptions and donations in whatever amounts
please you to:
caren park
2557 - 14th avenue west
suite 501
seattle, washington 98119
(01 March 1992)
We will acknowledge, in print, messages from our reading public
with the warmest thoughts for our survival...
If those among you would kindly send in junk that you have no
other use for, stuff that you read and find humorous, filth that no one
else will take, stories absurd or preposterous, news that isn't fit to line
litterboxes anywhere, if you would send those gems to us here at The Humus
Report, we'd appreciate it. We will cull from the post office box all
death threats and denunciations, and print what we can of whatever is left.
The rest is up to you...
We would appreciate it: (1) if you should see non-attributed
copyrighted material in our stuff, please let us know ASAP so we can take
appropriate actions; (2) if you like what we do here, please donate or
subscribe with dollar amounts you feel appropriate and helpful, so that we
can continue to bring you this stuff on a regular basis...
We also have a program contained within CKP-MSG.ZIP (a
Fortune-like program) from which everything you will see here can be found,
and then some. For a nominal cost per year ($25 US), I will provide the
latest copy of the ibm/compat program AND the latest updates of the
datafile to you... Address inquiries about this program and/or the datafile
to the address above...
We leave you now with a last thought...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The president is to be the commander in chief of the army
and navy of the United States, and of the militia of the several states,
when called into actual service of the United States.... In this respect
his power would be nominally the same as the King of Great Britain, but in
substance much inferior to it. It would amount to nothing more than the
supreme command of the army and navy as the first General and Admiral of the
Confederacy; while that of the King extends to declaring of war and raising
of fleets and armies; all which by the constitution in consideration would
appertain to the legislature
- Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist #69, March 14, 1788 -
...until next month...
