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The Hogs of Entropy 1080
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$$ .d""b. .d""b. HOE E'ZINE #1080
[-- $$""b. $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ss$$ "The Island"
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ by Kreid
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ 05/15/00
[-- $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
$$ $$ "TssT" "TssT"
--(1)--
"maybe i should just fucking smack you across your face," dan told
sue. the problem was solved. sue cowered:
"you always do this to me! just because you're smarter than me
doesn't mean you have to win every single argument!"
it was over. dan would continue to get sex three times each day, and
sue would continue to do what she was fucking ordered to do. that
afternoon, sue cooked up something cajun and dan ate it.
it was a saturday. they went to the bars. dan brought a flashlight
and shone it in guys' and girls' faces until some tough motherfucker was
picking a fight with him.
"why are you acting like an asshole?" asked dan, a pacifist at heart
but not by nature. he got no response, of course. "perhaps you were
born that way. i suppose i can't blame you for that." dan was a fucking
smartass whom nobody liked. dan loved going to the bars and didn't
really mind being hated since he had been engaged to be married since he
was 19.
that night, dan was a 22-year old fiance, halfway getting drunk,
halfway saving his paycheck for a cheap diamond ring. he was a one-woman
man, excited to spend each upcoming night of his life with the woman he
loved to take to The Mariner. dan was a romantic guy, in a psychotically
routine kind of way.
he didn't like to go out on dates. instead, he went to the bars to
pick fights. "i dare you to hit me as hard as you can, right here,
buddy," said dan as he stuck out his chin.
buddy took a swing and hit dan square in the eye. seconds later,
dan retaliated. buddy was bleeding from his face and neck, with shards
of a broken beer bottle obstructing his vision and blood obstructing his
breath. "maybe you're right, buddy. it's just not right to avoid
violence."
"fucking drunk jackass," buddy choked. "go the fuck home."
it was late. people were all starting to get a little too emotional.
dan went home and fucked his girlfriend three times.
the next day, dan got stomped for running his mouth at a dunkin'
donuts in South Orange by a very small gang of black men.
dan stood up, bleeding, and ordered a coffee. "i like my coffee like
i like my women," said dan. "BLACK." he breathed psychotically and
coughed a puddle of blood into the floor.
someone grabbed sue's ass at The Mariner that night. dan said,
"what the hell do you think you're doing? i should kick your fucking
ass!" buddy replied:
"but i am french!" buddy got his ass kicked pretty hard after that.
"blessures de christ! je suis brise!"
--(2)--
sue visited buddy at his home the next day. buddy was laid out in
bed in a pool of his own sweat, bruised and badly hungover. "sue," he
groaned, "you came to cheer me up, honey?"
"i can't believe dan beat you up last night. he's such a jerk!"
"i was being an asshole."
"you were just fucking around. dan's got no sense of humor."
"what the hell are you talking about? dan has a great sense of
humor. that kid makes me laugh my ass off all the time."
"well, he certainly can't take a joke."
"maybe not when he's that drunk. nobody likes to get insulted like
that, sue, i shouldn't have grabbed your ass in front of all those
people. don't you realize that when you wake up in the morning?"
sue gave no reply; she just stared blankly.
"everyone likes to have fun when they're drunk," said buddy, "but
there's such a thing as remorse. you're supposed to feel like shit in
the morning and regret everything. otherwise, you learn nothing."
"now you're just full of shit," replied sue. "besides, i don't even
get hungover."
"that's because you drink like a woman. and you know what? you
probably always will drink like a woman, and you'll never learn anything.
you'll just get older and uglier and never regret a single thing. and
every man you're ever with will have to deal with the same stupid chick
that dan's gotta deal with now. dan will end up dumping you soon enough,
sue. unlike you, he's getting smarter and more handsome every year."
sure enough, sue was crying. "that's not true! asshole! you don't
know anything!"
"sue, i think your best bet is to find some chump who'll marry you
while you've still got your looks."
"no, you don't understand!" sue took a moment to restrain her tears.
"dan and i are in love, buddy. and that's something you'll never know!"
buddy gave a short, abrupt laugh, then became very somber. "no need
to get defensive with me, sue."
"i'm not being defensive."
there was a long silence after that, which buddy broke. "sue, could
you please get me a glass of water?"
"okay." sue stood up and walked to the kitchen. buddy stared at her
ass. god damn.
--(3)--
sue returned with a tall glass of water with ice in it. the cold
water tasted so good, so healing. when a woman like sue cared for buddy,
it hurt him deeply. buddy longed for the kind of companionship guys like
dan took for granted. his heart started to get hard inside his chest,
his eyes became glazed and defenseless, and the water started to burn his
insides. he set it down on his nighttable.
"buddy, let me ask you something."
"y-yeah?" he stuttered.
"does dan love me?"
"yeah." the answer came without hesitation; it was the truth.
everyone that knew sue & dan knew they were in love.
"okay, now let me confess something to you."
"yeah."
now sue was the one with the lump in her throat. "dan has been
really horrible in bed lately. there's no excitement anymore. he'll
spend hours trying to get me turned on, acting smooth and petting me, but
it's just that he's lost all his energy."
"are you sure you're not just bored with him? i mean, there's a
thing called sexual bankruptcy..."
"well, we're sexually bankrupt, but i swear to god, it's not me.
i try so hard to get him fired up, but it's impossible."
"it sounds to me like he's being too careful. he wants to please
you so badly, and he doesn't know what he's doing wrong. sex has to be
intense to be good. sounds like dan forgot that, maybe?"
"how do you know all this?"
"well, sue, i don't have a girl that loves me enough to let me fuck
her three times a day for no reason."
"you're just afraid of commitment."
"you're so fucking wrong, sue. i should smack you."
"you hate women."
"well, sometimes i have to hate them to get laid."
"you're sick!"
"ever had angry sex, sue? not 'let's-make-up-and-fuck-you-bastard'
sex, i mean real angry, hateful sex. in my experience, most women prefer
it over all other kinds of fucking. for me, of course, i don't care too
much, i aim to please."
"i can't believe it, you bring hate into lovemaking. that's just
wrong, buddy!"
"i mean, i don't tell the girls i'm angry or hate them or anything.
obviously i have to start out slow and withdrawn, and gradually lead into
murderous fucking rage."
"just stop. let's change the subject."
"i'm saving up to buy a motorcycle."
"fuck me now, buddy."
"i don't think so, sue."
--(4)--
"let's not mention this to dan, okay?" said sue.
"just that you offered me sex or the whole conversation?"
"just that i offered you sex."
"i don't think we should mention any of this conversation to dan."
"...but i wanted to take your advice, buddy."
"just leave me out of it."
"whatever you say, sweetie. dan and i'll be by to pick you up at 11!"
sue went home to dan. it was a sunny drive home; sue took it slowly
with her windows rolled down. she was more in love with him now than she
had been in months. and when she got home, she'd be a good girl; they
weren't going to fight. soon enough, dan would be just as much in love.
for buddy, however, the day was over. he waited for 11:00, the
passing ship that would take him from his island and send him swimming
back.
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[ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu HOE #1080, BY KREID - 5/15/00 ]
