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The Hogs of Entropy 0995
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ggg "M&M Conspiracy Theory" ggg
$$$ by -> JoJo, The Indiana Circus Boy $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #995 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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About 3 weeks ago I was watching T.V, I have to give a three day
presentation in school about how advertisements effect what people buy,
so I have been paying a lot more attention to the commercials that I see.
Anyway, I was watching T.V and I saw one of those M&M commercials that
had those M&M's eating M&M's, which was disturbing on its own, but I will
get back to that. The guy from Seinfeld, Puddy, comes in and talks to
them. At the end of the commercial in the top right corner of the screen
there are pictures of Regular M&M's, Peanut M&M's, and The New Crunchy
M&M's, which suck. Then I was thinking, wait a second, isn't there
peanut butter and almond M&M's. This made me wonder where the peanut
butter and almond M&M's were during all of this. I was disturbed by
this, I am sure that most people do not realize what a big problem of
discrimination this is. Why do only the plain M&M's, Peanut M&M's, and
Crunchy M&M's get all of the attention?
Also, another question that I will attempt to answer in this
report is what is, the reason that the M&M company decided to replace the
light brown M&M? There is one more thing that I will try to make sense
of and that is, if you remember back about last year there were all of
those M&M's commercials that had that guy from Drew Carry on it eating
M&M's and the M&M guy said "Can't you put yourself in my position for a
change," all disgusted that someone is eating another M&M. But a year
later the M&M's morals have changed so much that they think it is OK to
devour their own kind.
First off I only have one explanation about the anti Peanut butter
and Almond M&M campaign going on. The other M&M's had to have someone or
something to operate the machines, so they are stuck doing all of the
grunt work that none of the other M&M's want to do. I still do not know
why the crunchy M&M is in the in crowd, he is the newest and he just kind
of jumped right in. I think that the Plain M&M's and the Peanut M&M's
needed a favor so they went to the crunchy M&M and said "Listen, we need
a favor, the Peanut Butter and the Almond M&M's are out-selling us like
we are nothing, you need to be the new hip thing so they are put out of
the picture." The Plain M&M's and the Peanut M&M's were actually
planning to get rid of the Crunchy M&M's once the plan was over, but the
Crunchy was just to popular, for reasons I cannot explain, so they had to
keep him in because the M&M stock grew and we all know that M&M's are all
into making money.
Now about the light brown M&M, why did they think that they needed
to replace it? If I have a sister or brother that I do not want I cannot
just say to the rest of my family "Lets vote on which one of these three
people I want to replace him/her with." What is the person going to
think when they are just replaced so easily? I personally would want to
destroy the new person for taking over my spot. But why would they
replace a classic? They thought it would be the new hip thing to do.
The other possibility was that the light brown M&M was the "Uncle No One
Wants To Talk About." It may have been a raging alcoholic but still we
can not just throw away people with problems, we need to help them.
The last and final thing I need to discuss is why did the morals
of the M&M's change so much in the past year. You want to know the
answer, who is new to the M&M family this past year. Yup you guessed it
the Crunchy M&M. It has corrupted the system. It has had such a strong
influence on the others and it can only get stronger. They let this
devil into their home and into their place of work and it has completely
destroyed everything that the M&M name used to stand for, good family
values.
Well as you can see, the new crunchy M&M has destroyed the M&M
name. They are no longer sweet and nice but mean, moral-less, and
crooked sneak thieves.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #995, BY JOJO - 12/25/99 ]
