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The Hogs of Entropy 0991
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ggg "Open Letter To Gotahoe.com!" ggg
$$$ by -> Clyde $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #991 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
hello!
i'm so nervous! i've never written a letter to a web site before!
let me introduce myself! i am a literate, internet-using
individual living and working in the san francisco bay area! this is
significant, so please remember this fact!
recently, while taking the commuter "bart" train to work, i have
noticed some new billboards on these train cars! the advertisement
billboards are white-on-blue, and seem to exist for the purpose of
advertising a web site "www.gotahoe.com"!
let me point out at this time that your "dot com" strategy has
failed!
due to the nature of my perhaps perverse personality, i look at a
web site address like "www.gotahoe.com" and can't help thinking that it
means, "got a hoe?"!
but when i go to your web site, i see nothing at all about
prostitution!
and truly there are many--possibly a number in the hundreds or
thousands-- who are exposed to this advertising on a regular basis who
think just like i do!
haven't you done any research! didn't you gather the panel of
average bay area residents in a room, stood behind a fake mirror, and
watched the reaction as the advertisement is introduced!
apparently not, my friends!
so, let me introduce you marketing geniuses to your new friend,
the hyphen!
many e-commerce businesses these days have already discovered the
hyphen as a powerful and effective way to properly align words within an
"internet domain name"! unfortunately, you are not one of them! so
watch as i carefully hyphenate your web site address, automagically
removing all doubt as to its meaning!
www.gotahoe.com -> www.go-tahoe.com!
now! you may be asking yourselves, "what should we do, now that
we have two registered domain names?"! let me tell you! first, while
your e-customers migrate to the new hyphenated domain name, redirect all
traffic from gotahoe.com to go-tahoe.com! then, once people get the idea
and will never--i mean never, ever, ever!--type the website address
"www.gotahoe.com" in again for the purpose of weekend getaway vacations
(now take note! you will need to do some heavy coordination with your
marketing department! if you are the marketing department, then you are
or should be in deep shit!) then you can open a new line of business!
this new line of business will be a complete, e-commerce solution
for purchasing the services of a prostitute, all online!
first, take pictures of your prostitutes! this should not be
hard, as you already seem able to take pictures of a lake! then, set up
shopping cart software! allow people to click on pictures, and add these
ho's to their shopping cart! i would suggest implementing one-click
checkout! if you can't figure out why, you shouldn't be in the sex
industry!
now, i have a copyright on this idea, but i don't have the
high-quality, eye-catching domain name for such a web site, like you
happen to have! call me and maybe we can work something out!
anyway!
let's get back to talking about lake tahoe, shall we! upon
reviewing the content of your fine, ultra-fast web site, i did find
exactly one example of proper hyphenation! for example, on the web page
located at http://www.gotahoe.com/winter/winterfs.html i have found a
listing for the phone number 1-800-GO-TAHOE! here is a case where you
have truly succeeded in cyberspace with punctuation! throw yourselves a
party!
see, you can do it if you try!
by the way, i hate snow!
love, clyde
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #991, BY CLYDE - 12/25/99 ]
