The Hogs of Entropy 0981

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

                ,... 
                $$$$ 
                $$$$T""P$$$ba,  ,gd&P""T&bg.   ,gd&P""T&bg.               
 ggggggggggg    $$$$    $$$$$b d$$$$    $$$$b d$$$$   $$$$$b   ggggggggggg 
 """""""""""    $$$$    $$$$$$ $$$$$    $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P   """"""""""" 
                $$$$    $$$$$$ T$$$$    $$$$P T$$$$                       
 $$$"""""" "    """"    $$$$$$  "T&$bxxd$&P"   "T&$bxx$$$$$'   " """"""$$$ 
 """                    """"""                                         """ 
 ggg                               "Bah"                               ggg 
 $$$                           by -> Meeyoww                           $$$ 
 $$$                                                                   $$$ 
 $$$        [ HOE E-Zine #981 -- 12/23/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$$ 
 `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' 

	I wanted this "holiday season" to be different. You know, Martha 
 Stewart-esque, complete with the scents of mulled spiced cider and pine 
 wafting through the house, perfectly wrapped presents cascading over 
 each other under an exquisitely decorated tree. I was actually considering 
 having the gas fireplace turned on, even though the average temperature 
 here in balmy North Carolina has been in the mid fifties, just to add 
 that "special something" to the holiday atmosphere.  I had planned an 
 elaborate holiday gathering, complete with a twenty-item buffet prepared 
 from scratch, time for tree trimming, and even some spiked eggnog to send 
 our guests out the door with a warm, fuzzy feeling in hopes of creating 
 some "holiday cheer" of their own. I had even started writing out 
 Christmas cards around Thanksgiving, just to get them in the mail and on 
 their way before the holiday rush.  I was so set.  Martha herself 
 would've been proud. 

	And it all came to a screeching, crashing halt. 

	Sometimes, it's beneficial to be the slacker.  One should learn to 
 say "no" emphatically, resolutely and repeatedly, if necessary, when 
 asked to run errands beyond the scope of one's routine duties as an 
 employee. 

	I, of course, being the "nice" person, did none of the above, and 
 complied with a co-worker's request that I run to the post office and 
 have an abandonment letter certified. -More on this momentarily.- 

	So here I am, visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head, driving to 
 the post office, when my sugar-plums are abruptly cut off by a mini-van 
 running a stop sign and in my direct path!#@ "Hooooonk". Break! Turn! 
 Break! 

	crash. 

	Am I alive? Check yes.  Is anything broken? Check no.  Is my car 
 okay? Check no. 

	Now...had our office not been acting in the spirit of the 
 holidays, and not taken in a *parvo-positive pit bull puppy from a 
 derelict who could only offer a meager deposit on the dog, barely fill 
 out a standard admissions form or afford the care of a puppy in the first 
 place, I wouldn't have been on my way to get the collections letter 
 certified for his charge-off ass. 

	grrrrrr#@%!. breathe. ok. 

	So anyway, I have accomplished nothing this holiday season.  I 
 canceled my get-together, decorated the damn tree myself, sent out 10% 
 of my holiday cards, felt like a total loser for not purchasing presents 
 for anyone, and then felt worse because of the realization that the 
 marketing media OWNED me this holiday season. So instead of stringing 
 garland and baking sugary sugar cookies, I've spent my 12 days of 
 Christmas fighting insurance companies, visiting various doctors to find 
 out what happened to my back in the accident, fighting off drug-induced 
 deliriousness, sleepiness and overall bitchiness due in part to the 
 doctor's non-pro-active stance on treating injuries like mine. And I've 
 spent an inordinate amount of time on irc, simultaneously reading up on 
 back issues of HOE and inserting random url's into my browser window just 
 to see if they exist.  I've been pissy, I've been randomly lame. It's 
 been oodles of fun. 

	At least I get a check to replace my car before school starts. 
 Yay. 

	The morals of the story, gingermen and women, are these: 

	1) Expect very little and you'll be happy when your expectations 
           are exceeded. 
	2) Don't render services for people who have no intention of 
           paying for them. 
	3) Doctor-prescribed narcotics tend to exacerbate moods and 
           attitudes. 
	4) Don't try to be like Martha. It's not possible.  She is, after 
           all, Satan. 

	I don't take the "end of the world/y2k armageddon" ideas 
 seriously.  However, if there *is* an apocalyptic event in the next 
 couple of days, all of this might not seem like such a huge deal.  And 
 we'll all get to meet Martha, in person.  I'm sure that hell is 
 color-coordinated, complete with matching pillow shams, coming soon to a 
 K-Mart near you. 

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] 
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!            HOE #981, BY MEEYOWW - 12/23/99 ]