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The Hogs of Entropy 0963
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ggg "Large Bowl of Cereal with a Side Order of Morals" ggg
$$$ by -> LatinMan $$$
$$$ $$$
$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #963 -- 12/16/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
There's nothing that sticks out in my mind about my childhood than
waking up early Saturday mornings and watching cartoons. Running to the
kitchen in my Alf underoos and fixing a pot full of Count Chocula so I
could vegitate hours on end in front of the living room T.V. Acting out
each and every fighting scene from He-Man with my older cousin, who would
always kick my ass even if he was the bad guy.
Looking back on those days now I realize how much each and every
one of those cartoons shaped me into who I am today. From learning how
to tread water from Snake Eyes to always looking on the bright side from
the Care Bears. I learned that being small doesn't mean you can't kick
some wizard ass from the Smurfs I even learned how not to eat apples
during Halloween because they might have razor blades in them from Mc
Gruff the Crimedog. Each cartoon somehow showing morals of somekind
during their 16 minutes and 48 seconds of airtime. It was done in such a
way that no child knew they were being spoon fed the "American Dream"
with every spoonful of cereal they ate.
The children of the '90s don't have the same strong basis in
morals as we did in the '80s. No longer is it about entertainment laced
with self improving thoughts, but entertainment laced with advertisements
for some new line of toys. Pokemon isn't here for children to learn, or
even have fun watching. It seems more like a marketing ploy to buy a
shitload of cards and see how many toys you can buy, what other reason
could there be for there being fucking like 800 pokemon for the
toy-aholics to collect.
Yes the cartoons of the '80s also spinned off hundreds of action
figures, battle head quarters, and dream houses, but that was not the
sole purpose of the cartoons. I must admit, between my cousin and I, we
had about 400 dollars worth of assorted G.I. Joes and we used to hold
these elaborate battle sequences that would last for hours on end. One
of the battles which sticks out most in my mind is the great battle on
Darmon's Bluff.
Briefing: Normal reconnaisance mission. Easy in and out mission.
But something terribly goes wrong and the enemy finds out about the
mission and the whereabouts of my base on Darmon's Bluff.
The battle begins there, and the last scene 4.2 hours later at
1300 hours, both my cousin and I battle weary and hungry from not eating
all day long, stand there with 4 men a piece fighting on a cliff. Both
squads forced to Hand 2 Hand combat due to the lack of ammo. Suddenly
remembering the lone sentry I left upon a remote seldom used outpost I
fly him in immediately using his combat glider. Rather than land and
join in the melee I decided to shoot his only missile at both my troops
and the enemy's. My cousin came out with one of the most memorable
things he has ever said to me:
Session Start: Fri Feb 07 13:08:13 1987
*** Now talking in #GIJOE
*** Topic is 'Battle at Darmon's Bluff'
*** Set by Cousin145 on Fri Dec 03 17:20:30
<Cousin145> You can't do that
<LatinBoy> Why not? I will win if I do
<Cousin145> I dont care, G.I. Joe just wouldn't do that
<LatinBoy> I dont care, I want to friggin win
*** Mother69 sets mode: +b *!He-Man@CastleGrayskull.org
*** Skeletor was kicked by Mother69 (FilterKick! "Posing as He-Man")
<Cousin145> Look, don't you remember the time Destro was going to
kill Scarlett? And like ShipWreck had the choice to
either try to go for Destro and probably kill Scarlett
or be honorable and give himself up, he chose to give
himself up...
<LatinBoy> Yes, you're right :o(
<Cousin145> Our battle ends now because we have both learned a
lesson.
<LatinBoy> What lesson did you learn?
<Cousin145> That you're gonna make a great politician
<LatinBoy> What the hell does that mean?
*** Signoff: Cousin145 (You'll find out you dildo.)
<LatinBoy> WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT @#%@%#@%#%@@#$$@#$
*** You were kicked from #GIJOE by Mother69 (Come to Dinner)
Session Close: Fri Feb 07 13:18:25 1987
With those few words, my cousin showed me what he had learned from
G.I.Joe. You will never see a kid suddenly realize that his level 62
Raichu shouldn't use full force attack on a lowly level 2 Mr. Mime.
Thats just something that isn't incorporated in the scripts for this
cartoon. Sure there are examples of good cartoons that have come about
in the '90s but none will even come close to those that represent the
'80s at their best. I rather have my cheesy ass drawn He-Man episodes
then any high-tech fluff that they produce today, cuz they just aint
worth shit to me. This is LatinMan signing off, and remember kids, the
more you know the easier the task, because "Knowing is half the battle."
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #963, BY LATINMAN - 12/16/99 ]
