Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Hogs of Entropy 0960
,...
$$$$
$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
""" """""" """
ggg "#ASCII OUTSIDER ART MANIFESTO" ggg
$$$ by -> AIDS $$$
$$$ $$$
$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #960 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
||
==||==
||
||
__ ____
/__\ / \
|__| / \
| | | __ |
| | | | | |
|_ _| | | | |
/ \ |____| |____|
/ /\ \
/ / \ \
/__/ \__\
(MARTIN LUTHER) (HIGH CHURCH OF ASCII ART)
________________________
| |
| 95 Theses to the High |
| AND MIGHTY ASCII GODS |
| of the earth: |
| |
| YOU |
| SUCK |
| |
|________________________|
A letter unto the high and mighty of the ASCII WORLD, those who
imprison and constrain the true art form within their "standards" of
quality, skill and execution, accurate representation, and good taste. A
letter unto those who would keep expression caged and give me base
impudent kisses.
The 95 theses:
1. When Our Lord and Master Jarett said, "DRAW! FOR GOD SAKES DRAW!", he
willed the entire life of the ASCII artist to one of expression.
2. That namby pancy fancy ASCII art which looks like the thing it is
intended to depict is not the greatest of the arts, but rather the
weakest.
3. That those who participate in such a use of ASCII art are without
imagination and are consequently, not human
4. That they are in fact slime and should be treated accordingly.
5. That such treatment should include constant harassment and verbatim
quoting of their inner monologues.
6. That those who profess the idea of QUALITY within the spectrum of
ASCII art have already missed the point.
7. That as having already missed the point they are not likely to see it
ever.
8. That being so blinded they are useless.
9. That the useless should be taken out and shot.
10. That the useless are primarily categorized as those who are to be
found on #ascii.
11. That by de facto association, all those in #ansi and all those who
were once, or are currently, members of ANSI groups should also be
shot and buried in a mass grave beneath the mountains of Machu Pichu.
12. That ASCII is the ultimate means of geek expression.
13. That those who deny its power should be thrown down and stomped upon.
14. That those who mock its power should be viciously satirized in the
very medium they mock, particularly by using crude and grotesque
manifestations of their bodily defects. For instance by drawing a
large nose as such:
____
| 0 |
| |\\
| - | \\
|____| \\
(HEAD) (NOSE)
15. That the use of parenthetical labels beneath unclear ASCII is not a
crime or an impurity of form.
16. That the form, as being made up the very symbols which form words,
should not be opposed to the use of labels.
17. That abstraction is not necessarily the best nor the worst of
technique.
18. That ASCII is not ANSI.
19. That it should not be treated as ANSI.
20. That those who would treat it as ANSI should be shot.
21. That those who would become infuriated at the shooting of those who
treat ASCII as ANSI should also be shot.
22. That once these offenders are shot, grotesque and crudely formed
ASCII drawings of their deaths should be passed out at their
funerals.
23. That their graves should be pissed upon.
24. That #ascii should be subject to botnet wars and hostile takeovers
and the like until these scum realize the fallacy of their ways.
25. That ASCII is how men become gods.
26. That girls such as Metalchic should be viciously parodied for having
big boobs, such as:
O - HI. MY NAME IS MELISSA
| I SEEK THE DRAGOLANCE
/ \ AND ALSO DICKS SHAPED
/ \ LIKE THE DRAGONLANCE
( 0 ) ( 0 ) SO THAT THEY MAY BE PLACED
| | BETWEEN MY GIGANTIC DRAGONORB
\ / SHAPED TITTIES AND MADE TO
/ \ EJACULATE ON MY FACE AND NECK.
| || |
| || |
| || |
27. That the inclusion of dialogue is a healthy and necessary technique
in the crafting of ASCII art.
28. That swisspope is a bitch.
29. That ASCII is the finest and purest distillation of man's efforts to
reach the empyreal heavens.
30. That all important social events and historical happenings are
irrelevant unless immortalized in an ASCII depiction.
31. That this does not imply ASCII is a political medium.
32. Nor does it imply that ASCII is apolitical.
33. That RottenZ is also a bitch.
34. That had all the recognize artists of the world been allowed to use
ASCII as a form of expression they would have abandoned all tangible
mediums and fore sworn physical representation.
35. That I didn't do nothing wrong with the yellow gal.
36. That the yellow gal is in fact a bitch.
37. That I would draw a crude ASCII representation of her genitalia if it
wasn't such a played out idea.
38. That having a girlfriend in high school makes one want to draw in
ASCII.
39. That French poet Guilliame Apollinaire is the patron saint of all
ASCII artists and they would be best served to read CALIGRAMMES.
40. That war is hell.
41. That to KEEP IT REAL in ascii is to forswear ever drawing a
representation of J.R. Bob Dobbs, emoticons, zany faces which appear
to be peering over a fence constructed with underscores or minus
signs, gigantic dollar signs, and other common USENET ascii
apparitions.
42. That the high and mighty ASCII gods of the earth will be thrown down
and forced to roll in their own dung.
43. That ASCII is not the devil's playground.
44. That there should always be receptive places to show ASCII.
45. That is the sign of a sick society if the said society does not
embrace ASCII and give it gallery space at the drop of a hat.
46. That the only cure for this sick society is violent revolution.
47. That the power figures of the same sick society shall be parodied in
crude and revolting forms of ASCII, such as:
\\\\/////
\ /
|0 -|
_| |_
/ || \
( -----0 ) - I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS
\_______ / WITH THAT WOMAN, MONICA LEWINSKY.
48. That a black snake is creeping in my room.
49. That God should strike people down who claim mp3s are CD-quality.
50. That it is hard to be broke.
51. That a good woman is hard to find.
52. That the hardest thing I ever done was to find a weary woman to ease
my worried mind.
53. That if I take a notion to jump in to the ocean, it ain't nobody's
business if I do.
54. That if my friend ain't got no money and I swear "Take all my mine
honey", it ain't nobody's business if I do.
55. That if I swear I won't call no copper if I'm beat up by my poppa, it
ain't nobody's business if I do.
56. That there is an eye in the sky and it is watching.
57. That ASCII is the way to make all young girls scream.
58. That's it a shame I have to live this way.
59. That I can't be satisfied.
60. That only ASCII will be the healing salve, the UNDEAD URGENT, placed
upon my soul's wounds.
61. That only ASCII will lift me up and deliver me from this modern
world.
62. That on the wings of ASCII I will into glory ride.
63. That 96 tears are too many tears for one heart to be crying.
64. That the vomit tongue kiss is perhaps the most disgusting thing one
person can endure.
65. That ASCII will bring mana to the working man and feed him on
ambrosia and nectar while ANSI will only bring him pain and hunger
and toil without reward.
66. That it shall be hard for you to kick against the pricks.
67. That I should thank you for the tea and sympathy.
68. That in the heart of the ASCII world tree there is a unified spirit
of theoretical love called GAIA.
69. That this GAIA is the mayor of ASCII town.
70. That drug dealers who would make profit in ASCII TOWN are subject to
being locked in a metal cage on the lawn of town hall.
71. That GAIA loves those who create new ASCII.
72. That love is the greatest single weapon we have against itself.
73. That ASCII can be used to depict love.
74. That ASCII is love.
75. That ASCII is the only key to the lock of the human soul.
76. That ASCII ART IS THE UNDILUTED SOUL OF THE HUMAN HEART.
77. THAT 96 TEARS ARE TOO MANY TEARS FOR THAT HEART TO BE CRYING.
78. THAT INSTEAD IT SHALL CRY 95 TEARS.
79. THAT THESE 95 TEARS WILL BE THE 95 THESES ON ASCII OUTSIDER ART.
80. THAT IT WOULD BE WOEFULLY UNJUST FOR THOSE HIGH AND MIGHTY OF THE
ASCII EARTH TO IGNORE THE 95 TEARS OF THE ASCII HEART.
81. THAT THOSE WHO IGNORE THE 95 TEARS OF THE ASCII HEART WILL BE
DESTROYED.
82. THAT THE TEARS WILL FLOW OVER THOSE WHO HEED THEM WITH A CLEANSING
GRACE AND PURIFY THEIR SOULS.
83. THAT THOSE PURE OF SOUL WILL BE PURE OF HEART.
84. THAT THOSE WHO ARE PURE OF HEART WILL BE ABLE TO SYNCHRONIZE THEIR
HEART BEAT TO THE THUMPING OF THE ASCII ART HEART.
85. THAT THE 95 TEARS SHALL BE THE AS THEIR OWN TEARS.
86. THAT THE CRYING WILL BINGE AND PURGE THEM OF ALL IMPERFECTION.
87. THAT GOD SHALL COME DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS ON A CHARIOT OF FIRE.
88. THAT HE WILL SHOW THAT I PROPHESEE IMPERFECTLY, THROUGH A GLASS
DARKLY.
89. THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME MY SINS.
90. THAT HE HIMSELF SHALL WIPE AWAY MY TEARS.
91. THAT HE WILL REVEAL TO ME THE TRUE WAY OF ASCII.
92. THAT HE WILL APPRECIATE MY ASCII ART.
93. THAT HE WILL CASTIGATE THOSE WHO MOCK IT TO THE LOWEST REGIONS OF
HELL.
94. THAT THEY WILL BURN IN THESE REGIONS UNTIL THEIR SINEW IS MADE FLESH
AND THEIR FLESH IS MADE BONE.
95. THAT HE WILL REVEAL TO ME THE TRUE NATURE OF ART AND THAT IT WILL
LOOK LIKE THIS:
____
(____) -- COWABUNGA!
\||/
:(.)(,):
:(.)(.): \
:(.)(.): \
| \
/ \ \
(TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE) \
\
\ +
[0 0] --- TRANSFORM AND ROLL
--- OUT
--- ||----
| |
| |
| |
________
() ()
(TRANSFORMER!)
/
/
/
| /
|
| (.) -- BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL
|/----\
+ ( )
||
- -
(HE-MAN)
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
() ()
I'D LIKE TO BE KNOWN --- +
AS THE FARMING PRESIDENT /\/\/\/\
(JIMMY CARTER)
a private letter of publique use
** AIDZZ (aids@hoe.nu) has joined #ascii
*** Users on #ascii: AIDZZ, dngrmouse, blk_jack, two11two, mojoMMC,
sekwence, mry0y0, DrLego, eufanasia, Drax, HILFIGER,
@t-bob, @Vissago, genius-, ewheat, Cthulu, spinsy,
@cmang, F7, @spear|fx, phriend-, @R00STER, abstrakt,
cat-dog, shizumaru, tkz, arcade_, B0AR, cm4ang,
tee_away, @nMANCEr, aeternam
<AIDZZ> yo what's up ASCII niggas?
<AIDZZ> I just want you bitches to know
<mojoMMC> huh?
<AIDZZ> your time is up
<AIDZZ> and the ASCII OUTSIDER ART movement has started
<eufanasia> is it?
<eufanasia> has it?
<AIDZZ> I have nailed the 95 theses to your church door
<mojoMMC> your nick is AIDZZ
<AIDZZ> and you are no more
<mojoMMC> thats stupid
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #960, BY AIDS - 12/14/99 ]
