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The Hogs of Entropy 0931
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ggg "If I Could Have Lunch With Any Famous Person In History" ggg
$$$ by -> Ashtray Heart $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #931 -- 12/05/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
If I could have lunch with any famous person in history, living or
dead, it would be Jesus Christ. There are so many things I would like to
say to him and ask him about. I would drive him out to the Blue Boar in
my car, the Crankmobile, and I would ask him, "So, Jesus, are you into
Can?" Because I bet Jesus really would get into krautrock. Like, I'm
pretty sure Jesus is a big Brian Eno fan, so I'd ask him if he'd heard
that song on Robert Wyatt's latest album, Shleep, that Eno plays on,
"Heaps of Sheeps". "It's pretty cool," I'd say. And then we'd get into
talking about Fripp and Eno, and I'd ask if he'd ever read that diary Eno
kept for Melody Maker back in '78. He wrote Robert Fripp a letter
suggesting that they collaborate again, and Robert Fripp wrote back and
he said "Only if you buy me a dildo. Here are the exact specifications
the dildo has to meet." And then he signed it "Mr. Meany Mouth". And
then we'd both crack up, probably, because the thought of Robert Fripp
demanding that Brian Eno buy him a dildo is just so darned cool. Then
he'd probably turn me on to some cool obscure stuff I hadn't heard of
before, and I'd say, "Dude, I wish I'd brought a CD player so we could
listen to this shit!" I would actually say "dude", I would call Jesus
"dude", because when I get all hyped up and geeked out about really cool
music, I say stuff like "dude", and "Dude, that is so awesome!" Then I'd
say that we'd HAVE to go out to Ear X-tacy later, because it's the
COOLEST music store.
So we'd go there and Jesus would probably buy the Captain
Beefheart box set, and we'd talk about how cool Nick Drake is and how
he's still cool even though like everybody is finally starting to figure
out how damn cool he is and he's getting extremely trendy, which is funny
for him having been dead 25 years. Which would cause Jesus to make a
little wry comment to the effect of "You think he had it bad? I had to
be dead 300 years before I got cool!" And then I'd remember that I was
like talking to JESUS. And I'd laugh and say maybe "Fuckin' A", but
probably not because I try not to curse in public. I don't want to
offend anybody.
Eventually Jesus would have to go and I'd say "Well, man, it was
really great meeting you; I hope you enjoyed the lunch. Let me know what
you think of the box set." And he'd say "Yeah, it was good meeting you,
too, talk to you later." And I'd think to myself, "If I ever get
married, I'm going to have to invite him to my wedding, probably."
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #901, BY ASHTRAY HEART - 12/05/99 ]
