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The Hogs of Entropy 0928
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #928 -- 12/01/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
The newest thing to reach the minds of the few. Everyone has
their own opinions of the Teletubbies. Here is what I see happening to
those fuzzy things in the years to come.
They are the same characters, but changed quite a bit, each in
their own way. There is Stinky Drinky (SD for short), La-La, Joe, and
Tipsy. This is their story.
An introduction to the characters is necessary.
Stinky Drinky (SD), is the most experienced of the group is heavy
into alcohol. SD's favorite drink is a Manhattan. If there is no So-Co
for a Manhattan, SD turns to Budweiser. After a hard day of hard work
and playing with the others, SD likes to sit and and drink as much as he
can.
La-La on the other hand is more of a drug user. Your normal
flunky, La-la has a readily available supply of dope, ludes, and
mushrooms. Depending on the mood, the drugs are constantly working.
When feeling tired, La-La hits the crack pipe or pops a few Cylert for an
extra kick. To keep from getting hungry, La-La has an endless supply of
Toast and Jam. That was from a lawsuit, which will be described later.
Joe, La-La's partner in crime, is a drug user like La-La but with
a passion for the harder stuff. Joe once had the same habits as La-La,
but has recently moved on. After watching "fear and loathing in las
vegas", Joe is currently in search of ether. Mescaline, horse
tranquilizers, and qualudes are easy to get but ether is very difficult
to find.
Tipsy if by far the oddest. Not addicted to the more conventional
stimuli, Tipsy has a very unique method of getting a high. After years
of constant masturbation and self-humiliation, Tipsy came out of the
closet and became a submissive for a sado-masochistic dominatrix named
Yes-Yes. Tipsy is still liked by the others but they tend to keep their
backs against the wall to prevent any "funny stuff".
The Story
=========
One day in Teledruggie land, while everyone was doing their own
thing, whether getting sloshed, stoned, or spanked in Tipsy's case, La-La
had an idea. It isn't often that La-La gets and idea. The others wanted
to know what the idea was the idea was being withheld from them. La-La
was scheming how to use the Whirly Burley's power to grow more drugs.
The mushroom supply was running low, especially where there are
two hard core druggies chewing them up all day. The supplier hadn't been
around in a while and La-La was getting upset.
"man....my shrooms are almost gone.....that friggen
psycho-super-slut bitch with the huge nose Yes-Yes must have take
some...that.....that....oooh...ahhh...dah....bitch.(while taking a hit
from a bong.)"
La-La spends a few hours listening to Bob Marley while smoking
some very exquisite herb labeled "kind herb". A few hours later and many
many MANY tubby toasts later, La-La wakes up with a vicious craving for
tubby custard. While walking to the custard container in the kitchen,
the crack of the whip fills the air with noise. Hearing a moan and a
cynical laugh, La-La realizes that it is just Tipsy in an afternoon
ritual. Moving quickly past the screaming, the craving worsens but La-La
is suddenly distracted. There is a trail of mushroom crumbs leading out
the door. Following the crumbs, over the hills and far away, La almost
faints at a most hideous sight.
"oh shit.....heh...i need a hit..."
The local rabbits have stolen the last of his weed and shrooms and
are having a wild party. Rabbits tripping everywhere and some of them
fornicating, well like the jack rabbits they are. More like rabbits
jacked up on shrooms not knowing what to jump on first.
La does end up passing out, but not of hunger or from the sight,
but after joining in the fun, most of it anyway. Like most of the
Teledruggies would, except for Tipsy, La stayed clear of the more
"aggressive" rabbits.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #928 - BY TRIMMERHEAD - 12/02/99 ]
