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The Hogs of Entropy 0926
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ggg "Q-tips Are Preventing Human Evolution!" ggg
$$$ by -> Clyde $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #926 -- 12/01/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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my friends! let me share with you an interesting conversation my
friends and i had at a rave! now, i know what you're thinking! clyde
isn't rave-material! but yes! i do occasionally go to raves! but this
time it was an accident! i was simply trying to enjoy the fine dj work
of alex paterson, of the orb! if i had known it was a rave, i would have
told everyone to fuck off, instead of going like the lame-ass i was! i
mean, i forgot my glow-sticks, my back-pack, my meth, and my pacifier!
how does one rave without these essentials! (if you figure it out, let
me know!)
now, on to the subject matter!
while at this rave, my friends and i rather quickly decided that
the volume was unreasonably loud! this was not a surprise, given the
environment! unfortunately, the first two of the three acts were just
terrible! but the experience led us to realize that humans, as they
exist today, are inadequate! in order to take the human body to the next
level, it is necessary for humans to develop ear-flaps, such that the
human ear can be opened and closed at will, just like eyes!
imagine that! shutting someone out would no longer require
elaborate, self-developed defense mechanisms such as self-oppression and
tuning-out! in the future, it would only require a flap-o-skin with
muscles!
therefore, maybe my descendents who go to raves a thousand years
from now (that is, if the dipshit human race is able to sustain planet
earth as a viable ecosystem) can shut both their eyes and ears upon
submission to extreme sights and sounds which today's raves are known
for!
getting more to the point, it is my contention that the insertion
of various probing objects into the ear (such as q-tips) has put excess
and unnecessary pressure on the particular areas of the human body, out
of which, in an ideal evolutionary situation, would sprout up and develop
into ear-flaps! so, as much as i love cotton, these little dual-ended
cotton balls on a stick must cease to exist!
i ask you, dear friends who support human evolution, to please
stop inserting q-tips in your ears!
over time, as the ear is continually exposed to loud noises such
as the subway, the jet airplane, the garbage truck, the heavy machinery,
the jack-hammer, the coffee bean grinder, the loud-speaker, the rock
concert, the techno-rave, the incessant conversationalist, the
tractor-pull, the telephone, the crying baby, the sound of breaking
glass, the political protest, the holiday parade, rush-hour traffic, and
global thermonuclear war, the human ear will naturally develop an
ear-flap to protect itself! animals (such as humans (yes humans are
actually animals)) have a natural tendency .. an instinct, if you will!
...to develop these proper defense mechanisms over time, given the
correct circumstances! but our rampant consumerism and our demand for
products that make our lives easier has resulted in the q-tip, a bona
fide evolution-killer!
my friends! if you are one of those online-internet-gaga-dot-com
investor types, you better sell all your stock in companies that sell ear
plugs! nobody makes money from eye-plugs these days, now, do they!
well, i'm showing you the future! and smart investors understand the
future!
by the way, while i'm complaining, who the fuck is the genius that
invented the "low-fat latte"! i mean, what the hell is going on there!
is this another award-winning corporate contribution from the pathetic
metropolitan region of seattle!
i am fed up with seattle!
i hope you have enjoyed this knowledge-sharing! please do what
you can on a regular basis to further the evolution of the human race!
that which does not evolve, does not survive!
love, clyde
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #926 - WRITTEN BY: CLYDE - 12/01/99 ]
