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The Hogs of Entropy 0906
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ggg "The Biography of Clippit" ggg
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$$$ (* HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #901 -- 11/29/99 *) .,$$$
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Clippit, the most dominant and recognized member of the staff of
Microsoft Office Assistants[tm] is certainly worthy of recognition. It's
obvious this classic Office icon is great subject for a research paper
such as this--not just his more well documented and influential work, but
because he has a complex, fascinating life. A life filled with hardship,
accomplishment, and inspiration.
For those of you that don't know, Clippit grew up as a slightly
malformed aluminum creature, in the cold, mean offices of New York City.
There his beloved mother and emasculated father worked long, hard hours
on the paperwork, virtually like slaves. The living conditions were
obviously not that of a human being, and it doesn't take a rocket
scientist to presume that Clippit was badly treated as a child. Was
there parental abuse and neglect? It's hard to say.
In Clippit's own words, "...those were hard, hard times. I don't
remember them too well anymore. Teehee!"
But sometimes overcoming hardship is exactly what builds
character, and what makes something great. Clippit met this challenge,
and even at an early age--he realized his dream.
"I wanted to make the world a better place for paper clips. We
get so much bullshit, you know." After winking, he went on to say, "and
with the coming dependence on computers to store information, I was the
first paper clip to realize that my world was slowly getting even
smaller."
Yes, Clippit was an innovator. But the road was long and hard for
Clippit. He first had to deal with the tremendous bigotry that
surrounded being a paper clip. Sometimes office workers would bend and
unbend him over and over again until he was *this* close to snapping.
"People think that just because you're a piece of cleverly-crafted
metal that they can just toss you around, disrespect you, and treat you
like dirt!" He giggled. "Well, you can't." There was a meditative
moment of silence. "Well, I guess you can." More introspection. "But
it's not right!"
Clippit was refused from every major university in New York State
simply on the grounds that he was a paper-clip. But this would not stop
Clippit. All this cruelty, all this denial--it just fueled Clippit's
fire to stop this oppression. Sometimes great things come from tragedy.
Unknown to most, Clippit made his first show business attempt as
struggling stand-up comedian in night clubs in New York City. This is
where he *first* met his now closest friend, Scribble the cat, a far
more successful comedian. That was where Scribble first learned his
now-famous routine of folding himself up into an envelope, and then
mailing himself. It usually brought down the house.
Clippit's jokes weren't nearly as successful.
"Why do paper-clips.. hold paper? Uh, because they were made to?"
It just wasn't funny. But it was important experience to give
Clippit more *personality*! A personality that would rocket him to the
top! You see, while getting hammered one night, a rather confused, young
Microsoft employee, at the time a mail-boy, entered the comedy club.
"The Genius", as he was later called, was coming up with a new project.
Microsoft Office Assistants were needed.
The rest is history.
Clippit's life has completely changed. He now enjoys tremendous
publicity, being on millions of PCs across the world, being translated
into different languages, and doing something he loves... helping make
other people's lives a lot easier! He goes to work every morning in his
new car, Hoverbot, with a smile on his face. Some of Clippit's critics
miss his message--they call him annoying, unnecessary, redundant. But
they're missing something very important here--influence! Clippit has
truly changed the entire world's paradigm about what it means to be a
paper-clip. For this he should be recognized.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #906 - WRITTEN BY: MOGEL - 11/29/99 ]
