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The Hogs of Entropy 0881
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(*) (*) * (*)~*~(*) HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #881
* 0 0 ~ 0 *
~ 0 0 ~* *~ 0 hOGS ~ "Stabbed"
( 0*~*~*0 ( ) 0*~*~ oF )
~ 0 0 ~ ~ 0 eNTROPY ~ By: Big Daddy Bill
* 0 0 * * 0 * 10-23-99
(*) (*) ~ (*)~*~(*)
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I don't think I've ever felt this way before.
And most of the time, unfelt, I feel sore.
Because people are always bugging me for more.
They don't know what I think down to the core.
I'm sick of rhyming. Fuck you.
No, fuck *you*.
What, you think I'm doing this for my health? Maybe my mental
health. Do you think I have a mental health plan or something? You stupid
asshole.
Come to a conclusion with me. Respectability has once again become
an issue. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could find someone to fully
understand. Maybe, just maybe, I was totally wrong.
But my fingers are dirty right now, and I'm too drunk to care what
you have to say. All I know is that I know, and you don't. You've never
known. When will you know?
I don't know.
Come to an assumption with me. I wonder which one of my friends will
be buried first. I wonder which one is my friend. I wonder which one I
will bury.
You don't know, do you?
Why won't you ever look at me? Are my questions forever going to go
unanswered? I've asked time and FUCKING TIME AGAIN, but there is never a
direct answer. Always a run around. Run around. Run aground.
The things that I wash from my mind are always filthy, and are gaped
incoherently with filthier and scummier beings. I realized that I'm dirty
at heart, but honestly, am I really that bad of a guy?
Lie to me.
I'm sexy, right? A god. big daddy bill
big bill
bill
Cut it down and what do you get? What do you get? A four letter
word that echos in the mind.
Unless you forget. But remember who taught you, I did.
not.
Wondering with the sound of black noise what the fuck am I talking
about? Shut up and hit the pipe, nevermind the fact that your life sits
next to you. The life you want. The life you need. The life you've
strived for. The life that could change your life. The life that wants
nothing to do with your life.
Change my life, just accept it. Just admit it. Just embrace it.
Just--ice it down.
And who are you anyway to not say a word and completely fuck my
entire train of thought? I don't mind the fact that you've derailed me, not
at all. The only thing that bugs me is the fact that my train didn't even
touch yours. Not a single passenger hurt. Just a single passenger killed.
It's all because of one chemical touching others, or a box of
chocolates or a big silk rose embroidered with all my consideration and all
the words I could possibly say in one single sentence. It never mattered to
you, not enough. I'm sick.
I'm so, so sick. I think I'll fucking puke.
It never mattered to you how you depressed yourself with endless
banter of death and hate and fear and lost-lost-love. It sits in front of
you now, smiling, always smiling because I'm waiting, always waiting. I've
been waiting for so long, though, and I've only got a few... days... left.
Don't you dare make me move on. DONT YOU FUcKING DARE!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW MANY NIGHTS HAVE I LAID AWAKE, JUST CONTEMPLATING A LIFE WORTH LIVING, A
CRIME NOT WORTH DOING, A SCHOOL WORTH LEARNING FROM, OR A LOVE WORTH
ANYTHING
You've made it that way, in your own way. Without so many words,
you've turned me down time and time again and without so many words you've
enticed me over and over again.
Make up your mind, please. Just put me in my place. please. pretty
please.
Because I need sleep now, whether it be eternal or ex-ternal,
somethings needs to lay down and die. It won't die. Much like this file.
You know who you are. You know what you've done. You know what you
have to do.
Just DO IT! JUST DO IT!!!!!
If you're going to make me a king among men, please, do so fast.
If you're going to make me a man among king, please, do so fast.
Either way, just say "fuck it, it's time to pay the piper". Because
me being stabbed just isn't enough anymore.
It never really was, it's just now... I can say it.
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( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS* HOE #881 ~ BY: BIG DADDY BILL ~ 10/23/99 )
