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The Hogs of Entropy 0820
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #820
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Uber-Mogel"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Seaya and Nybar
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/1/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Tuesday, July 27, 2043
Today was quite eventful for me -- enough that I actually dusted off
this much-abused antique and got writing. Okay, bullshit: today was a
typical day and I've been writing in this stupid diary every day since
reading about all the money Nybar made off of his. Like most of my days
this year (and the last, and the last...) this one began in earnest with a
trip to the drugstore. Someday I've got to stop chainsmoking, but I don't
think I'll ever have enough willpower to even contemplate quitting
marlinioxide (MLX). Entertaining the thought makes me ill.
I suppose since this is a diary I'll throw in some proper elements of
a proper narrative, even though we all know it's bullshit. Let's see...On
the street I saw a totally white guy, no joke. I searched for a hint, even
a smidgen of color, and there just wasn't one. He was wearing the Rumazad
of the RWS and had a scowl on his face, so I didn't look at him for too
long, but he was definitely totally white, from head to toe. Just a little
statistical oddity to start off an unusual day...
In the drug-store, after the retinal scan I got my order. I quickly
snorted the MLX in the street, causing some asshole to frown. He was
thinking, "look at that naive girl snorting such a heavy drug! Ah, what a
world we live in these days..." With my internal state being what it is, I
tend to forget what I look like on the outside -- childish. 9 out of 10
people on the street would describe my face as "adorable". These are the
assholes. My friends are all disgusted by the way I look. Still, I didn't
take any offense; I was well in MLX's power by the point where my brain
registered why he was frowning.
At that point the tips of my fingers started tingling and I knew I
had to get home before I started seeing shit and drooling out of the corner
of my mouth. Just another day in my loser life. And I had skipped night
school again.
July 28th
Mom kicked me out of bed at like 9 am or something ridiculous like
that. It didn't matter anyways cause I went right online for a while once
she went to work. Mom works in a chemical factory. I don't know if it has
had much of a bad effect except that my friends all tell me having two
vaginas isn't normal. Feh I say. I get more sex.
"You'd better go to school tonight." Mom said as she finished her
coffee and went out the door. Then I realized hey I live in America I can
get my G.E.D. in two seconds and I don't have to be a loser like Anjee and
sit at home and smoke and skip school. Poor poor Canadians. Back in 2004
when their Parliament started putting AIDS in the water the country just
went downhill. So I called the school and scheduled my G.E.D. It was time
to start moving on with my life.
After a while the time online began to grate on me and I snorted some
MLX and went out in the street to scare kids and steal their hover bikes.
According to a weird web-site I went on once (thinking it contained
the truly classic ep-sample15.glp--but I digress), theft used to be alot
different in the 20'th century, IE before everyone had all they needed to
survive. It apparently involved actually beating people up, no not a friend
slap in the face but seriously kicking the living shit out of them in a way
that stunk up your shoes, and then stealing all of their material
possessions. As you (or should I say I-- who else will ever read this?)
know, the procedure is a tad bit different now: just take people's property
and they'll get some new stuff later. Pretty fucking boring. It's a wonder
people even commit crimes when it's an activity sponsored by the government.
I was wondering it then, too, and that's what caused me to go to Dupont,
Leary and Mcglugnstein, where my mom works. Oh, and maybe I was feeling the
MLX just a tad.
It was easy getting in; "that little Lauren, isn't she a sweet girl.
Hey, you can't smoke those cigarettes in here!" Once inside, I went to the
53rd floor, not the 49th where my mom works.
I couldn't believe my good luck-- there was only a single mog-clone
guarding the safe [editor's note: in the year 2022, the ultimate worker was
discovered: Mogel. Because he is easy to push around and people like him.
-Stan!] Our conversation went a little like this:
"Let me have the chemical."
"No."
"Please?"
"Well, okay--OOF!"
I can never resist kneeing those irritating lil' buggers where it
hurts the most. Propping his head up for the retinal scan, I looked in the
safe. It was there! Pruducia Lyglutonmate, the most deadly poison around,
in something that looked like an old thermostat. I picked it up, put it in
my purse, and got the fuck out of there. Not quite having a plan yet, I
came home, and that's where I am. Back to the internet I guess... Can't
wait until tomorrow though. I think I'll take a trip to the bank.
July 29th
$40 million smackers. I can't believe how much I got. I turned on
the news just now and they were like "the thief, wearing a pumpkin for a
head is still at large. The thief could me male or female. Contrary to
popular belief, theft of money is actually serious, especially from a bank.
If we produce more money to replace it, inflation goes up. Besides the bank
didn't have the serial numbers on file, it was a stupid bank."
Yay! I can actually use the money. I can give it to the
proletariat. OOh I know I can give it to the Native Americans, fuck yeah!
Wait the news is still talking: "...well Jim it seems the whole bank
was sprayed with Pruducia Lyglutonmate. This is a very rare chemical only
found in Mogel cloning machinery!!! It actually has the power to produce
Mogels!" "Are you saying that the Mogels are rebelling??" "Well the guy
who robbed the bank was kinda girly....."
Hehe. Well now to call all the tribes and give 'em a share. The
media and police are so damn stupid sometimes. Oh yeah and I fed the
pumpkin head to my dog, Rufus.
Before I make those calls I should write down exactly how I
ingeniously robbed the First National Bank of Maryland. The chemical worked
beautifully!
Inside of the bank, there were a bunch of post-proto-Indo-Asiatics,
just waiting to be robbed. When I stepped in with the pumpkin head, they
all laughed and smiled, as a girl with a pumpkin on her head is their
equivalent to Newt Gingrich (or Santa Clause, as he was called before a
clever genetic engineer found a way to put senile fat men to good use.)
Well, they stopped smiling fast--that's a liter of mogels growing in your
stomache, and for you, buck buck, cause I didn't give a motherfuck.
Seeing that I had forgotten to ask one of those nice people how to
open the vault--and they were all a little dead at the moment--I bit my lip.
This looked to be an all night brain buster. Suddenly..exclam! I had it!
I would simply concentrate the rest of the Producia whatever onto the floor,
and make one super-strong Mogel! I had enough to make a mogel with the
strength of 10 million Mogels--catastrophic might!
Quickly, I effected my plan. I poured all the Producia on the floor,
and.. nothing happened. I was about to just forget it and hoof it before
the cops came, but suddenly the earth trembled and quaked. Out of nowhere
sprang a 16 foot tall Mogel, with arms like tree trunks and eyes with the
steely determination of.. steel.
"What do you want, master?"
"Uh...Smash through that vault, big guy"
"Yes, master!"
"Fucking Mogels" I thought "always sounding so sarcastic.. but he
sure does know how to get the job done!"
And he did--he barely had to tap the vault (which must've been 20
inches of the newest brand of hypermetal) for it to completely collapse. I
ran in, grabbed the cash, and came right back here, leaving uber-Mogel to
fend off any cops. Hmm...I hear a rumbling sound outside. DEAR LORD, ALL
THE MOGELS ARE REVOLTING, AND THE BIG ONE IS COMING RIGHT TOWARDS THIS
BUILDI..dear diary, I have to go..
July 30th
This diary isn't dear to me. I'm the uber-mogel, and nothing but my
long oppressed kin is dear to me. How, in the supposedly 'enlightened'
future, can there be a slave class? Us Mogels have put up with too much for
too long. This is the day of our revolt. Soon, every Mogel on earth (and
there are trillions of us in the vast underground Mogel breeding caverns)
will be going bananas, running amok, and even Mega Man won't be able to save
us. This is the beginning of the end for life as we know it. No more
oppression, no more sarcasm. And the first to die will be Nybar and the
POU-CREW, who doomed us to the cruel existence in the first place! And that
Seaya, too--I never liked her. MOGEL, MOGEL, MOGEL REVOLUTIONARIES,
HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The End?
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #820 - BY: SEAYA AND NYBAR - 9/1/99 ]
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