Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Hogs of Entropy 0770
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #770
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Grade 8 Memory, in One Act"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by AnonGirl
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/28/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
Dramatis Personae
Audrey - Grade 8 student Carmen - Grade 8 student
Miss Lepage - Grade 8 art teacher Mr. Carter - Grade 8 science teacher
Bus Driver - A school bus driver.
The year is 1994. One teenaged girl, Audrey, in fair Montreal, where
we lay our scene, is being forced into going on a field trip to the zoo.
She doesn't like the people in her class, and wishes her friend Carmen, from
another class, could accompany her to the zoo. The two girls, conniving as
they are, convince the science teacher, Mr. Carter, with fake notes and
desperate pleas, into allowing Carmen to join the class on the trip. The
ride to the zoo is as smooth as butter, and except for getting caught
smoking cigarettes by the boar cages, everything is well at the zoo. The
bus ride home, however, doesn't unfold so pleasantly.
[-----]
Act 1, Scene 1
Montreal. A school bus.
Audrey and Carmen are forbidden to sit together. Audrey is sitting
at the back of the bus with Mr. Carter, and Carmen is stuck sitting with the
crazy art teacher, Miss Lepage, at the front of the bus. They quickly
become restless.
Carmen (to Audrey, yelling): HEY AUDREY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
Audrey (to Carmen, also yelling): NOT MUCH AT ALL, MAN. IT FUCKING SUCKS
THAT THEY MADE US SIT APART, MAN.
Carmen: I KNOW, MAN. WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, MAN?
Audrey: FUCKIN' TEACHERS, MAN! TEACHERS CAN'T DO SHIT.
Carmen: FUCKIN' A', MAN!
Miss Lepage cuts in.
Miss Lepage: You girls better be quiet or you're going to be in a lot of
trouble.
Carmen: YEAH, WE'D BETTER. OR ELSE THEY MIGHT TELL US TO BE QUIET AGAIN,
SINCE THAT'S ALL THEY CAN DO, RIGHT, AUDREY?
Audrey: YEAH! I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN KICK US OFF THE BUS! THAT'S
ILLEGAL! MY PARENTS WOULD SUE.
Miss Lepage (to Carmen): Honestly, Carmen, I'd expect more from a student
as bright as you.
Carmen: Could you hang on a second, Miss? I'm trying to hear Audrey.
Audrey: SO CARMEN, LIKE, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
CARMEN: LIKE, NOT MUCH, MAN!
Mr. Carter interrupts.
Mr. Carter: Audrey, you're making a fool out of you and I both.
Audrey: How am I making a fool out of you, Sir?
Mr. Carter: Well, Audrey-
Audrey: Because I really don't see how you sitting next to me makes you a
fool. Carmen and I are the only fools involved here. Sorry.
(Carmen calls out.) WHAT WAS THAT, CARMEN?
Carmen: I SAID IT'S A PRETTY WARM DAY FOR APRIL, DON'T YOU THINK?
Audrey: YES! I NOTICED THAT EARLIER TODAY WHEN WE WERE AT THE ZOO.
Mr. Carter: Okay, Audrey, I have to ask you to please sit down. You're not
supposed to stand on school busses.
Audrey: Hold up, I'll ask. (To Bus Driver) HEY! IT'S COOL IF I STAND,
RIGHT?
Bus Driver: Quoi?!
Audrey (to Mr. Carter): See? He's cool with it.
Carmen (to Audrey): FUCK MAN, I REALLY NEED A SMOKE. THIS RIDE IS TAKING
FOREVER.
Audrey: YEAH, ME TOO, MAN.
Audrey and Carmen pull out their cigarette packs.
Mr. Carter and Miss Lepage simultaneously grab the packs from Audrey
and Carmen.
Miss Lepage (yelling): YOU TWO ARE GOING TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT YOUR MOUTHS
FOR THE REST OF THE RIDE OR THERE WILL BE SOME
SERIOUS SANCTIONS.
Carmen (to Miss Lepage): You took my smokes!! You took my fucking SMOKES!
Audrey (to Carmen): THIS SUCKS BALLS, MAN!
Carmen (to Audrey): I KNOW, MAN! FIRST THEY SEPERATE US, THEN THEY STEAL
OUR SMOKES! WHAT THE FUCK!
Mr. Carter (yelling): OKAY. YOU TWO GIRLS WILL SIT TOGETHER, BUT YOU WILL
NOT CAUSE ANY MORE DISRUPTION ON THIS BUS. AND YOU
WILL BE PUNISHED WHEN WE GET BACK. THE END.
Carmen and Audrey are returned their cigarettes and sit together.
Carmen (to Audrey): Fuckin' A!
[Exeunt]
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #770 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 7/28/99 ]
