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The Hogs of Entropy 0745
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #745
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "To Steve"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Phairgirl
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/22/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Dear Steve, my closest friend:
If I didn't know you so well, I'd be really happy for you. I'd
congratulate you on your seemingly happy relationship with Amanda, which
seems to be doing you a lot of good. I'd be proud of your strong
friendships with lots of new people that normally with whom you would have
never associated. I'd be enthusiastic that you've finally come into your
own, forgotten about your worthless ex-wife, and turned your life into a
barrel of everyday fun.
Unfortunately, I know you MUCH too well for that.
I know you're one fucked up kid; we always recognize one of our own.
Your past relationships with complete psychotic people still haunt you...
still hurt you. But instead of dealing with your problems, you've turned to
numbing your pain with illegal substances in mass amounts and forgetting
about the real world.
I'll be the first one to say that I'm no saint. I've done my share
of spending my time dazed and confused and messed up quite nicely. But
there are many differences between the two of us: my mental problems are
under considerable control. I understand moderation, and only rarely visit
the land of elated stupor, and only when I have no other responsibilities to
fulfill. And, most of all, I face my problems head-on instead of pretending
they don't exist.
Steve, I know you have the same dreams that I do. You want to finish
school just as badly as I do. You want to live and work with machines and
intellectual challenge, as well as have a fair share of fun on the side. It
can all happen for you; you are a very intelligent person and are full of
goals for the future. And I, like many others close to you, would like to
see it happen for you.
There's one small problem, Steve... you've forgotten to take care of
yourself. Your mental state is in disarray, and you know this. Spending
all of your days high and partying, with no job, living at home, doing
nothing to fulfill your aspirations is going to only drive you further into
depression. I don't need to tell you that, because I know that you know
this. You simply keep ignoring it, because all your party friends are right
there, and partying is so much fun and so much better than feeling pain.
Right?
Maybe you should take the time to feel the pain, Steve. Let yourself
take one last depressive dive. Scream. Cry. And then, get help, because
it's obvious to me and everyone else around you that you need it. You can't
keep ignoring it, because it will only destroy you.
I can understand why you've been avoiding me these past few months.
I have always been around for you when you were having problems, always been
here when you needed me. I've never turned you down for anything. But, I'm
sure every time you have to spend more than thirty seconds with me that you
notice the sad looks I always seem to have for you, because I know you can
be so much more than the life you're living.
It really is time for you to face up to your life, Steve. I don't
want to see this happen to you any longer. I'm starting back to school this
fall, and I want you there with me. What's more important to you, getting
high or having a life worth living?
Please make the right choice. Don't do it for me or anyone else but
yourself, but if you need an excuse, I'll be here.
Love,
Summer
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #745 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 7/22/99 ]
