The Hogs of Entropy 0680

eZine lover (@eZine)

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The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

 
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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #680 
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8 
    888     888 888      888 888               "A Real Fun Test!  Yes!" 
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8 
    888     888 888      888 888    "               by Reflecks 
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               6/9/99 
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 
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        The monkey is a wonderful tool, and this week's absurdist HOE zine 
 will tell *you* how much monkey potential you have! 

 ten questions (scoring at bottom!): 

 __ 1. A friend comes over to you and sits down with his/her 
       back facing you. You 
    a. Start grooming 
    b. Give a back rub 
    c. Jump on his/her back! Piggy Back Ride! 
    d. Kick his/her ass 

 __ 2. Your female friend is looking for food and offers you 
       sex in return for a banana. You 
    a. Assume the position 
    b. Get out the whipped cream because this only happens once 
    c. Offer a banana but politely refuse the sex 
    d. Say you have a banana in your pants and wait to see what happens 

 __ 3. When you hear the word "NASA" you think 
    a. Genocide 
    b. Big, throbbing, hot, round, space probe 
    c. A great service to America from the wonderful US Government 
    d. A chance to steal free freeze dried food 

 __ 4. Shaving is 
    a. A hurting experience 
    b. Kinky, if done with an experienced and paid professional 
    c. Something done only to remain aesthetically pleasing 
    d. Something only women do because stubble is nasty 

 __ 5. Your friend has a baby and goes on a trip, leaving it with you.  You 
    a. Immediately plop a boob in its mouth and go looking 
       for food in exchange for sex 
    b. Find a PlayMonkey magazine and wait 
    c. Get out the diapers and the Gerber, it's time for baby! 
    d. Leave the baby somewhere because you don't care, you're 
       the dominant male and have better things to do 

 __ 6. Sex is 
    a. A group experience 
    b. Best with whips, chains, and handcuffs 
    c. A new vocabulary word 
    d. Something he/she forgot the definition of 

 __ 7. Curious George was 
    a. The first real professional entertainer 
    b. Obviously code for a gay buddy to the Man in the Yellow Hat 
    c. A fantastic children's book series 
    d. Retarded for hanging out with Mr. Roger's In Disguise 

 __ 8. Fire comes from 
    a. Sticks 
    b. Friction, baby! 
    c. The stove -- Don't Touch! 
    d. My bic right before I torch your lame ass 

 __ 9. Favorite Gilligan's Island episode : 
    a. Tarzan boy comes to island! 
    b. Professor and MaryAnne get lost in a cave! 
    c. The one where they get off the island! 
    d. The one with the robot! 

 __ 10. Dancing. 
    a. Flail arms around, jump pseudo-rhythmically 
    b. Horizontal, pump pseudo-rhythmically 
    c. Left, Right, Step, Step, Turn 
    d. I'm too cool to dance 

 Scoring!@ 

 Count the A's   ____ multiply by 4 ____ 
 Count the B's   ____ multiply by 3 ____ 
 Count the C's   ____ multiply by 2 ____ 
 Count the D's   ____ multiply by 1 ____ 
                              total ____ 

 10-40 : Haw haw, you're a monkey for taking this test. 
 10-15 : Oink! Oink! 
 16-25 : You are human.  You are possibly religious, and Chick Comics 
         amuse you. 
 26-30 : Silence of the Lambs was a good movie.  Friday is your lucky day, 
         and your lucky numbers are 2, 9, 65, and 94. 
 31-33 : Retake the test and count the score again, your math is terrible. 
 34-40 : The intro to 2001 was more like a documentary, eh? 

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!   HOE #680 - WRITTEN BY: REFLECKS - 6/9/99 ]