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The Hogs of Entropy 0606
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #606
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Little Dolls With BIG GUNS"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Beretta Ruger
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/6/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Growing up with Barbie, girls are taught the key element in growing
up to be beautiful women. No, I don't mean plastic surgery, I am referring
to accessorizing. Fashion dolls taught us how to match our shoes, belts,
and handbags, pick the right safari hat (depending on what type of animal
you intend to cuddle), and which car (Porsche, VW, or Ferrari) goes best
with your denim jacket. Unfortunately for us, girls, Barbie was a glamour
girl who would never know the perils of being a real woman. No midol for
that buxom babe. She was strictly sweet, non-violent, and non-threatening.
If you had brothers, you may know what I am getting at. Ever take
G.I. Joe's rifle and attempt 'Commando Barbie'? The gun just doesn't fit.
In this day and age, with boys running around shooting people and blowing
things up, women are being left behind. Why? Boys are taught how to use
firearms as accessories. Big 'hip-hop' jeans, roomy trenchcoats, and XXL
team sweatshirts make packing heat easy as pie for out male counterparts.
The modern woman doesn't have to leave her Glock at home just because it
wont fit in her evening purse.
In Colorado, where the weather is as unpredictable as a fit of PMS
rage, women are capable of adopting the 'Littleton Trench Look', but what
of the women who would be commiting a fashion faux pas with such a garment?
They don't teach you this in finishing school, but women are actually
better equipped to be 'strapped' than most men are. Ever notice the
resemblance between a shoulder holster and a brassiere? Mr. Can't-take-NO-
-for-an-answer sure would be surprised when he went to cop a feel and got
a taste of steel. The garters are a traditional place for a woman to keep
a gun of smaller caliber, perfect for when you see your ex groping a bimbo
in the same place your blind date brought you.
What if you wish to carry something larger? Even a light weight
shotgun can be easily concealed without having to skimp on the sexuality.
Garter belts are perfect for supporting an Uzi or light rifle. You can
lighten up a shotgun and make it easier to conceal by sawing off excess
barrel. Once you decide where to wear your piece, you can divert attention
with cleavage (if you are carrying on your lower body), or (in the case of
a snub-nosed 9mm in your bra) a little extra leg. Check in a three-way
mirror before you go out. You wouldn't want the bitches in Macy's to know
what you have for them if they grab the last black lace bustier in a 34C
when they are obviously a 38B.
Remember girls, just because you are playing with the boys, you
don't have to look like one too. When in doubt ask yourself, "What would
Barb Wire do?" or "What would Marilyn Manson do?" or "What would Serial
Mom do?" I can guarantee they wouldn't start to cry when Mrs. Do-good-
-super-mom comments on the rice crispy treats they made in five minutes,
when she spent 10 hours on a fully edible ginger bread mansion. They would
blow that cunt away. They would bust a cap and look damn good doing it,
too.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #606 - WRITTEN BY: BERETTA RUGER - 5/6/99 ]
