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The Hogs of Entropy 0582
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #582
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Styx Debunks Marijuana Myths"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Styx
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/21/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Marijuana has been the victim of countless myths used to either demean
or embellish the plant. I've compiled a list of several of the most common
myths surrounding marijuana and marijuana use and have disassembled and
explained both the origins of the myth and the facts within it to the best
of my ability. This file is for informational purposes only, and I urge
every single one of you to read it. The powers that be don't want you to
know anything. The more you know, the more power you have. Nobody in
power wants you to have power. You could become a threat to their ugly
agendas. This file is power.
MYTH #1: Marijuana use causes short-term memory loss
Partly untrue. Marijuana not only causes short-term memory loss, but
it also causes long-term memory loss. Sometimes you'll forget
everything, period, and you'll find yourself in the middle of a Pink
Floyd laser show in the city with a wet spot on your crotch wondering
why you're so hungry.
MYTH #2: Marijuana is a stepping stone for other "harder" drugs
Partly untrue. In the beginning stages of marijuana use, this is a
possibility for those of weak will or fat cash. In the mid-to-latter
stages of marijuana use, you become far too stupid to ponder using
other drugs. Your only concerns are pot, bad music, food, and
shelter, in that order.
MYTH #3: Marijuana use causes apathy and/or lack of motivation
Untrue. Recent studies have shown that most marijuana users are
actually very excited and energized at the thought of getting better
pot. This is one of the most important facets you must understand
about marijuana users; they are driven on a daily basis to find
*better pot*. Their lanky knees will tremble at the mere thought of
getting their hands on "Kindbud," "Redhair," "Jamaican Gold," and
other made-up forms of marijuana. The best way for a dealer to sell
his/her stash is by making up an exotic name for it. The people
listening will believe them, buy it, smoke it, and think their high is
better than ever before. Then they will brag to their friends, watch
TV, and get fat.
MYTH #4: Marijuana use is a leading factor in annual car accidents
Absolutely untrue. Marijuana users do not have jobs and therefore
could not possibly afford a car. In the rare case that a marijuana
user obtains a car from an unsuspecting friend, they will typically
drive it at an average speed of fifteen miles per hour and drool on
their shirt, fumbling with a joint and the ashtray. The sober drivers
on the road will proceed to avoid the high driver by taking back-roads
or accelerating past the car on the way to their jobs.
MYTH #5: Marijuana weakens the body's immune system
Untrue. It is likely that this myth was born as a result of marijuana
users looking like they're sickly because their metabolism is in
overdrive and all they eat is pot and crackers. Infact, their immune
system is just as strong as yours or mine - they just look like shit
and we don't. This is also why marijuana users regularly wear several
layers of clothes that were stolen from the thrift store - because
they have no money and they are emaciated.
MYTH #6: Marijuana use results in bad grades in school
This is untrue. Marijuana users do not go to school, so they aren't
getting any grades at all. They prefer to sit in the school parking
lot, smoke pot, and eat the lunch their mothers made for them. If
they are feeling especially spunky, they may walk to the closest 7-11
and make collect-calls via the pay phone to their friends asking them
if they want to "chill" or "hang." In marijuana-user-etiquette,
"chill" and "hang" means "smoke pot and annoy the dog." If somebody
wants to chill or hang, they will walk from 7-11 to that person's
house. Distance is not an issue. Marijuana users are very adept at
walking and prefer it over other forms of transportation because it
does not make them dizzy. If none of their friends want to chill or
hang, they will bug the cashier at 7-11 for a free Slurpee. In most
cases, they will eventually get one, sit on the curb, and drink it.
Then they will get another one. This process repeats until school is
over and then they walk home. Obtaining free Slurpees is a talent
exclusive to the marijuana user.
MYTH #7: Marijuana use causes paranoia
Untrue. Infact, it is the complete opposite. Marijuana users are
oblivious to their surroundings unless it has to do with pot, bad
music, food, and shelter, in that order. Hundreds of marijuana users
get run over by skateboards, bicycles, cars, buses, trucks, and
construction vehicles on a daily basis because they aren't paying
attention to the street lights while they wander around looking for
pot. Paranoia isn't even in a marijuana user's vocabulary because it
has too many vowels. It is usually the marijuana user's confusion
that is mistaken for paranoia. For example, a recent medical report
quoted the mother of a marijuana user who claimed that one afternoon
she was standing by her bedroom window getting ready for work when she
saw her son standing in the middle of the driveway staring at the
house. After roughly three minutes, she grew concerned and brought
him inside. She said that he must have been paranoid about coming
home because he had been kicked out a few days beforehand and wasn't
sure if he'd be allowed back in. I highly doubt that he was paranoid
or even remembered being thrown out of the house in the first place.
In all likelihood, he was trying to decide whether to go in the house
through the front door or the kitchen door.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #582 - WRITTEN BY: STYX - 4/21/99 ]
