The Hogs of Entropy 0588

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] 
   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #588 
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8 
    888     888 888      888 888            "My Nomination for 'Greatest 
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8      Eccentric of the 20th Century'" 
    888     888 888      888 888    " 
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o      by Ashtray Heart [4/21/99] 
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 
 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] 

        I nominate Andrall Pearson, CEO of Tricon.  Andrall, despite being a 
 corporate despot, is well-known for loving a good time, and keeps smelling 
 salts in his shoes at all times.  He claims they "keep the demons away". 
 Andrall also has that condition the name of which I forget-graph-something- 
 -that consists of writing compulsively.  He writes dozens of pages every 
 day, mostly moralistic exhortations to his imaginary daughter.  Andrall is 
 also a party hound; he has behaved so crudely and boorishly on occasion 
 that Howard Stern has denounced him in public for "poor taste".  If a 
 customer comes to Mr. Pearson with a complaint, he will just laugh 
 maniacally for hours on end, until the customer goes away.  Despite these 
 quirks, Pearson exemplifies company pride, as seen in his infamous "chicken 
 pants".  These are pants specially constructed to mimic the crispy coating 
 on Kentucky Fried Chicken (a subsidiary of Tricon), right down to the 
 smell.  As a result, Pearson has to be kept away from all dogs, who will 
 attack him rabidly if they are put within 50 feet of his "chicken pants". 
 If he has to be around a dog, he will remove the pants, but will not wear 
 any other pants.  "It's either the chicken pants or no pants at all", he 
 says.  There is no love lost between Andrall Pearson and dogs, that's for 
 certain.  One of his favorite pastimes, left over from his career as a 
 sharpshooter in the service, is to go down to Cherokee Park, get out a big 
 ol' sniper rifle, and shoot dogs.  He'll stay out all day shooting dogs, 
 and then in the evening he will stick around and get his cock sucked.  He 
 is always delighted when one of his many anonymous homosexual liasons 
 comments that his cock "tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken".  For these 
 reasons and many more, I believe that Andrall Pearson is is one of the 10 
 most eccentric personalities of this century. 

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] 
 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #588 - WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 4/21/99 ]