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The Hogs of Entropy 0575
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #575
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Barbie's Untold Story"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by AnonGirl
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/14/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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MONTREAL, QC - I had the chance to sit down and have a few cups of
tea with Barbie, in the cafe that she owns and runs, Barbe'.
Audrey Tyler: So, many people have wondered about your side of the story.
We have been listening to what Mattel has to say for the
past fifty years, now it's your turn.
Barbie Doll: Well, firstly, I just have to apoligize to the world for not
speaking out earlier, but I've been terribly busy, you know,
since I'm a business woman, veterinarian, doctor, lifeguard,
always on vacation at my beach house. I really haven't had
much time to tell the world how I feel, but I guess that's
just part of the package.
AT: I hear that. You must be overloaded with work!
BD: [laughs] Yeah, things can get pretty hectic, but at least I've got
Ken to rub my feet at the end of the day. He's so great.
AT: So tell the world what you have to say.
BD: I just want to say that I am not the ditsy little tart everyone
thinks I am. I've got several degrees, a great guy, great friends,
and three wonderful sisters. I understand family values, as well as
what it takes to be a successful woman these days. Sure, I may not
have a brain, but it doesn't mean I'm not like other people. I just
want everyone to understand that I'm not all about cars and clothes.
AT: I think you've made your point clear. Tell us a bit about your
family.
BD: I am an orphan, since I don't have any parents. It's really too bad,
too, because I've got a great beach house in Florida that they'd just
adore. I've got three sisters, Skipper, Stacey, and Kelly. Kelly is
the latest addition to our family. Skipper is about five years
younger than I, and we've been really close throughout our lives.
Stacey and Kelly are much closer with each other, but I suppose that's
because they're closer in age than I am with them. I love taking care
of Kelly, though. It's so much fun to watch her do the things five
year olds do, and since she's going to be five years old forever,
it'll be extra special. It'd be nice to see how she turns out in
life, but five year olds are just so cute, we all wish they could stay
that age! It's like how we wish cats could remain kittens forever.
AT: Don't we all? Tell us about that great guy in your life, Ken.
BD: Oh, Ken is so wonderful! I don't know where I'd be without him.
We're not actually involved, seeing as neither of us have real sexual
organs, but that's okay, because he's gay anyway. He's been such a
dear friend to me all these years. I'd say he's truly the love of my
life.
AT: It's really good to have such great friends. But don't you get
lonely?
BD: Well, I don't have any hormones, so Ken is really all that I need!
With Ken, there's never a dull moment in my life. Plus, I think a lot
of guys would probably get scared if they saw me naked.
AT: People have taken your clothes off for years, I'm sure they wouldn't
get too frightened. Anyhoo, how do you feel towards Mattel?
BD: Mattel is like the parents I never had. They've supplied me with an
endless wardrobe, houses, cars, friends, professions, and best of all,
my family. I wouldn't exist without Mattel.
AT: What made you come up with the name of your cafe (Barbe')?
BD: We wanted to have a name that was catchy, and trendy at the same time.
We decided to blend the words cafe' and Barbie, though Carbie sounded
too automobile-related, and Barfe' didn't sound very appealing. So
Barbe' it was!
AT: Smart thinking! Do you feel you owe anything to society?
BD: Not anymore, no. For a while, I felt that society owed me the right
to fit in with everyone else, and that wish was eventually granted.
The only people I feel I really owe my soul to is Mattel, for making
me the woman I am today.
AT: You were offered several millions of dollars to do other interviews.
Why did you turn them down?
BD: I felt that Barbara Walters would have tried to make me look like a
bad person on television, so I refused her offers. Oprah told my
agent that she'd let me hug her, after several months of negociation.
I turned her down because she wanted to portray the spiritual side of
me. Sadly, Mattel hasn't released Spiritual Barbie yet, because of
problems dealing with ectoplasm. I have no spirit to portray as it
is, and I don't need millions of dollars. I've managed to own several
cars, jeeps, trailors, and houses, along with clothes galore without a
single cent.
AT: I see. What are the downsides of being Barbie?
BD: I guess the only thing that really upsets me is not being able to
blink.
AT: Okay. Thanks so much for your time, Barbie!
BD: [smiles] No problem.
There you have it, folks. I never thought a woman made of plastic
could have such insight. The next time you think of Barbie, don't only
think of a doll, but a genuine partial human being.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #575 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 4/14/99 ]
