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The Hogs of Entropy 0531
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #531
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "So You Want To Be A
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Masked Vigilante"
888 888 888 888 888 "
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Ashtray Heart [3/27/99]
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Congratulations! Being a masked vigilante can be an exciting and
rewarding use of your time on Earth. This document is sure to give you
some helpful tips and ways to get started in your new avocation.
First off, you should thoroughly consider WHY it is you would like
to be a masked vigilante. This is not to discourage you from your desired
path, but many people decide to become masked vigilantes because it is the
"in" thing to do, or out of boredom or frustration. Masked vigilantism
must be undertaken out of a deep commitment to... well, that doesn't matter
so much. But deep commitment. That's important. If you just enjoy the
masks worn by the vigilantes, there are many organizations that can
accomodate your desires. You could join the SCA, or you could start
frequenting one of those goth clubs that seems to have become so popular
nowadays. An enjoyment of masks does not always connote a strong desire to
fight crime, nor should it! Alternately, if you merely enjoy taking the
law into your own hands and a desire for anonymity does not enter into it,
you could become a simple unmasked vigilante. This is a far more
straight-forward undertaking than masked vigilantism. A full explanation
of the differences between a vigilante and a masked vigilante would be far
too extensive to go into here, but suffice it to say that while masked
vigilantism may be lower-profile, it is also paradoxically more dangerous
due to the risk of exposure and its closer alignment to the fringe of
society.
You see, the masked vigilante walks a very thin line between heroism
and psychosis in a way that the regular vigilante does. At worst, the
unmasked vigilante will be seen as a thug. A masked vigilante can be seen,
depending on the area, as a fruitcake, a pervert, or a mormon (I'll explain
later). Your unmasked vigilante has relatively straight-forward
motivations -- he (they are nearly all male) wishes to avenge a crime or to
beat people up. Masked vigilantes are quite a bit more complex; they have
many reasons for taking to the streets, not all of which are savory.
Having these feelings does not necessarily disqualify you from being a
masked vigilante, but it is important, before taking up your patrol, to
acknowledge to yourself -- and only to yourself -- all of your reasons for
desiring the mask. When you are a vigilante, people will look the other
way in a lot of instances that would have you at best arrested under other
circumstances. The key to pulling off these... opportunities for
extra-curricular gratification.. is to maintain plausible deniability. As
long as your primary motivation remains fighting crime, you should be fine.
Today is truly a golden age for masked superheroes (some will claim
that, strictly speaking, this should be known as the "platinum age", but we
will politely ignore those hopeless pedants. We are being metaphorical,
and anyone who has ears to listen and eyes to see should understand this).
In order for you to develop some appreciation for how good today's masked
vigilante truly has it, a little history and typology of masked vigilantes
is in order.
The masked vigilante does not have a proud history. From the early
days of the vigilante various forms of disguise -- dressing as a woman,
pretending to be members of a rival tribe, in a famous early American
instance dressing as Indians -- have been employed. These must, however,
be distinguished from true masked vigilantism, as the disguises were merely
employed as a means to an end and not to establish an independent
reputation. In fact, the origins of this calling are in the notorious
racist group the "Ku Klux Klan". Because of this, it is considered bad
form to wear any sort of a white or hooded mask. It is little consolation
that the Klan did not start out as the murderous group they are now
notorious for being. In fact, in their early years the Klan mostly were a
sort of "performance art" troupe whose most famous act was hanging around
blacks, saying, "Boy, am I thirsty", and then appearing to drink ten
gallons of water.
The socialist, populist, and anarchist movements of the late 1900's
made independent action an acceptable alternative, but it was not until the
Great Depression that masked vigilantism outside the Klan came to be.
Early masked vigiliantes were crusaders for social justice, and were
strongly aligned with the unions. Were it not for World War II, they might
have been crushed, but as it happened, the war provided a great opportunity
for jingoism of all guises. The masked crusader thrived as a uniquely
American propganda figure -- the lone masked figure standing against the
Krauts and the Japs.
The '50s quickly put and end to these ideals, though, as the advent
of popular psychology and less tolerance for obvious deviance made the
masked vigilante into a neurosis, something to be cured. Most masked
vigilantes were accused of being homosexuals around this time. Certainly
the hippies had little use for masked heroes, either, with their overtones
of secrecy and violence. Where was the peace, love, and freedom in that?
No, it was not until the early 1970s that a new breed of masked vigilante
began to rise up -- a kind that persists to this day. This was the heyday
of the Postmodern Masked Vigilante. Today's masked vigilante ironically
acknowledges the various criticisms that are levelled at it, but goes on
about its business anyway, for the simple fact that it is the right thing
to do, take it or leave it. And, for the most part, North America has
taken it. This, dear reader, is where you come in.
As for costuming, don't go overboard. Many people think that just
because comic book superheroes wear garish costumes, you have to, too.
This is patently false, and will only tend to make you look like more of a
lunatic than you really are. Bright red colors do not strike fear into the
hearts of evildoers. They make you a target. Most modern-day masked
vigilantes wear everyday street clothes and a prosaic yet distinctive mask.
It's easy to transport and change in and out of. A word to the wise should
be sufficient.
The next thing you are going to want is a specialty -- a sort of
crime to fight. You will quickly find that there are certain crimes it is
OK to fight, and certain crimes it is not. The ideal crimes to fight are
muggings, vandalism, and simple theft. Murders are likely to get you in
over your head, and you would be well advised to stay as FAR away from the
"war on drugs" as possible. Take it from me, the whole thing is one big
stinking PR scam. You will quickly run afoul of several dozen street
gangs, the Mafia, the US Government, and entities far too secretive for me
to even name here. You will wind up either a pawn or a casualty. Anything
beyond busting harmless teenage potheads -- with the prior consent of their
parents, of course -- will only put you in a world of hurt.
Of course, the sort of crimes you target will depend to some degree
on the area you locate yourself in. First off, locate yourself in a city.
Rural crimes aren't worth bothering with, unless you want to spend your
time busting up bootleg stills and stopping incest. It's penny-ante shit,
and very sordid. The big city is, true to what they say, where the
excitement is. Certain areas, though, are more hospitable than others. A
brief rundown of some of the more notable spots:
Nebraska -- masked vigilantism in Nebraska is banned by state law.
The reason for this is an excellent illustration of the doctrine of
"plausible deniability" I went over. It has to do with a superhero who
called himself "Omaha Man", after a brief flash flood of local patriotism
that had superheroes naming themselves after their metropolitan areas.
True to his name, he worked in Omaha, Nebraska, and environs in the late
1930s, when vigilantes were rough, ready, and often killers. The Omaha Man
was not nearly so violent, though; his specialty was streetwalkers. It was
a common sight in the late 1930s for the police to arrive for another day's
work to find one or several scantily-clad women lying on their stoop,
tightly trussed and gagged. Pinned to them would be a note saying "Another
strike against white slavery for Omaha Man!" and a little incomprehensible
doodle. At first nobody paid this any notice, and if they were not hugely
grateful, they did not complain either. However, as the acts of
vigilantism stepped up to include anyone Omaha Man judged to have "loose
morals", people started talking. The new slogan he was using, "Those of
loose morals shall be bound tight by Omaha Man!" didn't help much, either.
Oh, those may have been simple and innocent days, indeed; de Sade's works
were still banned by the Comstock Act, and the Story of O hadn't been
written yet, but even in Omaha they were not wholly ignorant. Before long
he was known to the citizens of Omaha as Captain Bondage. And when
"Captain Bondage" began rounding up women apparently at random, whether or
not they had actually committed any crimes, the city took action. His
long, rambling, misogynist confession, produced only hours before he hung
himself in his cell, is still one of the more chilling landmarks in masked
vigilante history.
New York -- the ultimate superhero mecca. Not only is there plenty
of crime going on, New York is a colorful and diverse enough town to have
room for everyone. They were among the first to embrace the Post-modern
Masked Vigilante, and vigilantes, while formally looked down upon by Mayor
Giuliani's office, thrive to this day. Giuliani's disneyland mindset,
while supremely irritating, is not a major obstacle. Indeed, sometimes
vigilantes will taunt Giuliani by engaging in jaywalk "arrests" against
willing participants. There's far too much more going on for me to
describe here. Suffice it to say that though it's highly fast-paced and
competitive, New York is the place to be for superheroes.
Texas -- A thriving masked vigilante scene, due in no small part to
the Hispanic community. Mexico has a long tradition of masked wrestlers,
who often take to the streets to fight vampires and other occult foes. In
fact, this makes the entire Southwest one of the best places in the country
to be a masked vigilante. The most famous of these is El Santo, but there
are quite a few. Nowadays many in fact take advantage of the relatively
lax copyright laws, yielding such "luchadors" as "Superman", "Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle", and of course "Madonna's Boyfriend". Luchador
culture will only serve to help you as a masked vigilante gain credibility,
however. Serve it well and it will serve you well.
Utah -- Avoid. To explain: Utah is home to one of the few
religiously oriented masked vigilantes, collectively known as "Moroni's
Avengers". In fact, not only are they masked, but they have complete
uniforms. Including Mormon Underwear worn outside their clothes. It's
horrible, really. Their actual actions aren't all that bad, but their
appearance is enough to make them complete laughingstocks across the whole
country.
I hope this will help you prepare for a long and successful career
as a masked vigilante!
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #531 - WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 3/27/99 ]
