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The Hogs of Entropy 0483
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #483 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Mother's Green Sweater" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Jook !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 2/10/99 !!
!!========================================================================!!
rosie reclined in her lawn chair. one hand on her sweet, sweet
lemonade while the other rested in the unfreshly cut grass feeling the
grass grow around her fingers -> above her lawn chair -> and up to a
cloud that resembled her ex-boyfriend, linus.
meanwhile, a weed trimmer buzzzed in the adjacent lawn. the man
trimming was dick simmons.
"damn you, dicky simmons!@" rosie had broken her summer afternoon
silence. the two usually never spoke. "i hate your freakin' weed
trimming. you're always trimming your lawn, aren't you? don't answer
that question. why can't you just let your lawn be naturaaaal. look at
my lawn. i just let it be and look how beautiful it is. can't you
respect your lawn for what it is instead of changing it? how do you
think the lawn feels when how it looks isn't good enough for you? why
don't you just buy yourself some fuckin' astroturf and a down and then
you can have a nice little artificial sun so you can make your little
plants grow just how you like it."
"i must because i must, rosie. my lawn is a reflection of myself.
a lawn that was unkept would relect that i am a dirty, sloppy man. it
would tell people that i didn't care. for instance, look at my head." he
paused. "are you looking at my head, rosie?"
"yes, dicky, i am looking at your freakin' head."
"good. see, my hair is well kept. i get it cut every thursday
evening @ 7:45 PM. sometimes more often than that. one time i couldn't
make it to my apointment because i had a weed emergency. billy, my
hairdude, that i was dead. he's such a cute, round, pudgy man. i love
to watch his tummy jiggle when he laughs after i tell him jokes about my
lawn while he cuts my hair. sometimes he giggles randomly. some days he
doesn't giggle at all." rosie? rosie, are you listening?
she laid there silently.
"shit!" dick jumped over the fence. "are you okay?!"
moving abrubtly backwards and behind her lawnchair, rosie looked
at dick. "what the hell are you doing?"
"i thought you were dead?!"
"good lord -- i just didn't care too much about what you were
saying. i was just annoyed by your weedtrimmer. now, though, i'm annoyed
by your stories. remind me not to talk to you again for another six and a
half years and to build that fence a few hundred feet higher. your
overbearingness makes me want to vomit. you know what colour my vomit is?
it's not pretty. it's the colour of my mother's green sweater."
"good lord. i've seen that sweater. it's not pretty."
"i haven't worn it in years because I HATE THE COLOUR. DON'T MAKE
ME VOMIT."
"perhaps i am a bit overbearing." Dicky, surprised by this
revalation, sat down on the lawn chair. "i'm too sunny, aren't i? i'm
too bright."
"perhaps i'm a bit too gloomy, dicky."
"yeah, kind rosie."
"if we become one, everything would be perfect again, wouldn't it?"
a smile came across both of their faces as this possibility seemed to be
the only answer for dicky's eternally sunny and rosie's eternally gloomy
lives.
"i've got an idea," rosie said to dicky. "maybe if we try to
become one person we can be okay!"
"yeah," she continued, "then where there is sunshine, there is
also shade!"
"so how do we become one person?" ricky questioned.
"well, i've got an idea. i'll lay down on the lawn chair and then
you lay on top of me. then we start to hug, pull, and grind against each
other's bodies until our bodies merge into a single entitiy!"
"sounds fun!"
>> 18 hours later >>
"are we done yet?" dicky asked while ramming his face against
rosie's.
"not quite! i only see three legs, though. so it must be working
and i'm feeling kinda perky!"
"sweet!"
"don't knock over our lemonade, dicky, your rocking me too much to
the left."
"oh, sorry 'bout that!"
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #483, WRITTEN BY: JOOK - 2/10/99 !!
