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The Hogs of Entropy 0396
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #396 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Macking Methods: A Rebuttal" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Quarex !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/4/99 !!
!!========================================================================!!
Now, first of all, I obviously did not read Mogel's macking
article, as I am a guy, and that was not allowed. However, I had a girl
read it and dictate the entire article to me, so I am therefore able to
add my own personal slant on macking methods.
Now that this is all cleared up, I will dive right the fuck in.
Mogel points out several devious and evil macking techniques in his
excellent article, all of which girls should indeed learn to recognize
and avoid. Well, most of them, anyway, other than the antisocial
computerboy mack, since I have used that one myself on a few occasions,
and it has been the only way I have ever gotten a date in my life. So
ladies, go easy on me when I default to using that one again in the
future. Antisocial computerboys have no malice towards you. We just
really are antisocial (Well, I am not anti-social, but still) computer
boys.
Now, on with my rebuttal, which is honestly nothing more than an
open-ended attack on women with the claim of being a rebuttal to a
legitimate article.
I have been actively seeking a girlfriend since my sophomore year
in high school, which was over five years ago now. I have only succeeded
in getting a girlfriend once in this time, which was earlier this year,
and the relationship lasted about 2 1/2 months.
Now, I realize most of you already know this, but there are
probably a good one or two of you who have not already heard my
lame-as-all-hell-who-gives-a-shit-Quarex stories of my many attempted
relationships. In that time, I tried many macking techniques, all of
which failed miserably and horribly aside from the pathetic computerboy
mack, which Mogel already covered. So, here, I will list all of the
macking techniques which I have tried and had explode quite miserably in
my face.
The "I like you and want to date you" mack. This mack is rather
simple, if you think about it. It basically involves getting to know a
girl through any method, in my case, talking to her a lot at school, and
having her say she would not be objected to going to see a movie with me.
Once we had seen the movie and hung out a few more times, I figured the
obvious next step was to tell her that I wanted to date her, but that did
not seem to be accomplishing anything, and it eventually just led to the
girl crying all the time and solidifying my relationship as "Only guy she
has ever turned down." That made me feel good.
The "I like you" mack. Very similar to the previous mack, this
mack came into being because someone told me that I had to not make it as
obvious that I wanted the girl to be my girlfriend. So, I just hung out
with the next girl a lot, and one day asked her out, and so she started
dating this other dude. Then, when she was done with that dude, she
hinted that she liked me, and started dating another dude, who she dated
for ages. That mack obviously did not work, either.
The "I am rather neutral towards you" mack. This mack showed me
learning from my past two mistakes, and just treating the girl like
someone I kinda liked, but not really one way or another. One day after
we had known each other for a long time, I asked her out, and she had
the usual get scared and run away reaction.
I started trying different forms of macks entirely at some point,
too.
The "You have told me repeatedly that I am the most entertaining
and awesome person you know, so why the fuck did you just date a guy who
you say you have always found boring and annoying" mack. In this mack,
I become the most fantastic guy that the girl has ever met, and
instantly become undatable as a result. Girls are smart, they only date
guys who they can write off as soon as they break up with by saying "He
was boring and annoying, anyway." What would a girl say if she ever had
to break up with me? There would be no good reason, so that obviously
cannot happen.
The "I am treating you with a great deal of respect" mack. Girls
do not want you to respect them, plain and simple.
The "This girl has told me she wants me for two years" mack. I
found this mack to be particularly ineffective, despite the fact that
normally a girl who has wanted you for years does not turn you down if
you ask her out. However, since I am Quarex, that is exactly what
happened.
The "You should get pregnant" mack. I really wanted this one
girl, then she got pregnant. I still asked her to a movie, since she
was a cool person, and was still hot, since she was not showing. She
always talked about how much she wanted to hang out with me sometime.
So, she postponed our date when I called her to ask when I should pick
her up, then the next few times I called, she did not return my calls.
I got the hint after that. Yes, when a girl tells you she wants to
hang out with you, it means "I am terrified of you and thus am telling
you this so you will go away."
The "Wow, you asked me to homecoming? You must like me!" mack.
This mack is also relatively simple. You just wait for the girl to ask
you to her Homecoming dance. When the girl is extremely attractive, it
is even more fun to execute this mack. Now, when homecoming is over,
and you have had a really good time, make sure to revel in the fact that
she starts dating a dude who she finds completely useless the next week.
The "You just dated my best friend based on the fact that he has
a very warped perspective of life, yet you turned me down last year, and
have often said the same thing about me" mack. In this mack, the guy
who has an earring and short hair can always outdo the dude with no
earring and long hair. People with warped perspectives on life, take
heed.
The "You were all over me at that party, and now you are all over
me all the time, including holding hands with me while your boyfriend
was around, yet you said while drunk that you would never, ever want to
date me" mack. Even though I did not try this mack on a girl I
particularly wanted to date, as attractive and fun as she is, it is
still a good lesson to learn. If a girl makes it a habit of demanding
you hug her all the time, and likes touching you a lot, and has a
boyfriend, then she is most likely using you for some kind of bizarre
outlet, since she knows she will never feel any desire to date you. You
can at least take solace in the fact that you are not so hideously
unattractive that you are unfit to be used as a sexual toy.
Those are all the macks I have used in my process of being turned
down or rejected before I even had a chance to ask out ~15 girls. This
file is being provided for anyone out there who either aspires to be as
pathetic as me someday, and wants to know how to do it, or aspires to be
the antithesis of Quarex, and someday meet me in lethal combat.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #396 -- WRITTEN BY QUAREX -- 1/4/98 !!
