The Hogs of Entropy 0378

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

 
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! 
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #378 !! 
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !! 
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  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "My Brother's Pockets"                   !! 
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl                          !! 
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/25/98                                 !! 
 !!========================================================================!! 

        My brother is a fucking weirdo. 

        Travis is known at high school for being "the kid everyone 
 wants to beat up".  He has long blonde hair, wears mostly tie-dye and 
 flannels, and your ordinary, average big-leg jeans, and a gigantic 
 jingle-bell that dangles from his shoes and jangles VERY LOUDLY as he 
 walks. 

        All he's doing is carrying on the family tradition.  Everytime 
 I look at my brother, I see reflections of my own high school years, 
 when I would wander around with my pink plastic Animaniacs backpack, 
 with all of my friends making a train down the hallway to British Lit. 
 I remember walking Monkees-style down the hall, blocking all traffic, 
 singing the Sesame Street theme song at maximum volume. 

        But this story is not about me. 

        Travis was trying to do his homework (trying is the key word), 
 and I kept interrupting him as I read various t-files I had downloaded 
 from all these people who urged "READ MY 'ZINE!!!"  As I approached the 
 end of Grill #1, I discovered that maybe my brother wasn't so different 
 after all.  In fact, in a parallel universe (okay, maybe just in 
 Illinois), SOMEONE ELSE collected bizarre things.  And oddly enough, HE 
 HAD FOUND SOME OF THE SAME ITEMS (including pictures of unknown people 
 kissing and foreign candy bar wrappers.  Go figure). 

        You're free, Travis. You're not the only fucking weirdo out 
 there. 

        *** This is what my brother carries around in his pockets as 
 of December 17, 1998. *** 

 -- Mint Waxed Dental Floss container (complete with floss) 
 -- One of those tiny keyboard light covers that reads "Caps Lock", 
    "Number Lock", and "Scroll Lock" 
 -- A chunk of a ninth grade Algebra I chair 
 -- A wooden block used in the science project "Birth And Death" 
 -- Three different brands of Wet Naps 
 -- A Band-Aid holder (complete with Band-Aids) from a hotel in New 
    Hampshire 
 -- Jumbo Size Eraser 
 -- Fake Brazilian Power Crystal 
 -- A rabbit's foot (that smells rather badly) 
 -- Two miniature red bowling pins 
 -- Three magnets 
 -- Half of the clip from the top of a clipboard 
 -- A coin from Seychelles which, on the back, reads "Grow More Food." 
    Yes, this is legal tender in Seychelles. 
 -- One severely high-inducing permanent marker 
 -- One purple glove 
 -- The leg from a Lego-Man 
 -- Mini Etch-A-Sketch 
 -- Damien, the snake from the WWF Jake The Snake Roberts wrestling figure 
 -- Clear marble 
 -- Coffee-colored marble 
 -- The second SuperBall he ever got 
 -- Gold pocketwatch 
 -- Mike Tyson's cousin: The Bluest Man on the Planet (a little blue 
    stick-figure man from a refrigerator magnet) 
 -- A screw with nuts 
 -- Small red eraser 
 -- Stick-Person Nudie Deck (made from an ordinary deck of miniature 
    playing cards, artwork by yours truly) 
 -- An ankh earring he stole from ME 
 -- A silver ringy thingy 
 -- A fairy from a necklace of mine that is broken 
 -- Chunk of a hot-glue stick 
 -- Inserts for the Bedazzler 
 -- Two blue beads that don't match 
 -- Pocketknife from a hospital 
 -- Bingo chip from seventh grade 
 -- Pocket calculator 
 -- "Quest For Camelot" Go-Fish Game from Wendy's 
 -- Q-Tips in a Q-Tip case 
 -- One Pringles lid (he has approximately 30 in his room) 
 -- Three combs 
 -- His last report card 
 -- A hall pass to go to the Computer Center from eighth grade 
 -- Purple cricket (that makes real purple cricket sounds!), a Mulan toy 
    from McDonald's 
 -- 20 Propranolol pills (for his heart condition) 
 -- Glow-in-the-dark Duncan yo-yo 
 -- A frog paperweight (he says you can hide your coke inside) 
 -- A clicky pen that has a delayed reaction to clicking it 
 -- A silver chain long enough to jump-rope with 
 -- Carmex (in a tube, not in a jar) 
 -- A small bottle of Purell 
 -- Broken Scooby Doo flip-book from Wendy's 
 -- Little Red Riding Hood Little Little Golden Book (This Little Little 
    Golden Book Belongs To: Gary Coleman) 
 -- The Tawny Scrawny Lion Little Little Golden Book (also property of 
    Mr. Coleman) 
 -- A card from the game Slap Jack, named Forgetful Fred, completely 
    mutilated because he hates a kid named Fred 
 -- Two packages of gauze 
 -- Business card from Turtle Bob's Gifts 
 -- Description of "Gothic Guardians", aka gargoyles 
 -- "How To Use A Porta-Potty" instruction manual 
 -- Order forms for Tony's Pizza Service 
 -- German Coca-Cola Ad 
 -- Magic: The Gathering card, "Giant Growth" in one of those hard 
    plastic cases 
 -- "Welcome to THC.com" ad, given to him from my old roommate Rich, the 
    biggest pothead you'd ever see 
 -- A "Got WaxTrax?" ad from my Sneaker Pimps CD 
 -- A sheet of Conan O'Brien quotes 
 -- The Eternally Happy Wallet that's being stomped on by a buffalo and 
    attacked by Mothra while two Irish cops look the other way, while a 
    Smiley Face that's perfect (has a star) smiles blissfully just 
    watching the whole thing. And it's all padlocked shut. 

 
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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!  #378 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 12/25/98 !!