The Hogs of Entropy 0382

eZine lover (@eZine)

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The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

 
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! 
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #382 !! 
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !! 
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  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##:::::::    "I Thought Ignorance Was Supposed     !! 
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########:               To Be Bliss"               !! 
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> Caitlin                   12/25/98 !! 
 !!========================================================================!! 

        she said "I heard what you said about her." 

        I said, "Fuck that.  I don't care about her." 

        She told me I was a horrible person and that no body trusts me. 

        Yeah, well, the only two people that actually care about her 
 somewhat don't trust me.  That's because I don't like them.  they're 
 both similiar... hating life...... CONVINCED!  the whole world is 
 against them. 

        I just wrote it off... who cares. 

        BUT I REALLY DO CARE!  DAMNIT!  I'm so sick and tired of every 
 little annoying cunt thinking I care about them enough to actually talk 
 about them.  I mean... if someone is a psychotic bitch... I'll tell 
 them, and I'll tell other people.  But Jesus Christ, why can't they let 
 things go.  I really don't want to be like them, so this is hard for me 
 to talk about, but WHY?! 

        Would you get offended if people that you didn't like anyway said 
 they didn't like you for <insert any given reason here>?  Would you 
 waste the emotional effort to hate someone because they don't like you? 

        I don't really understand it.  Maybe the hating is normal... but 
 why the constant dwelling on it?  I don't like being sad... but they 
 can't seem to like it any other way.  Hell... if it's sunny out.. they 
 lock themselves in the house to cry.  If it's raining... they'll walk in 
 the rain and complain about the lack of sun.  Why the FUCK can't they 
 come away from that shit... maybe that's why they're on about every 
 anti-depressent available.. 

        Okay... end of the introductory rant.  Here's the start of my 
 story.... 

 I. Allison 
 ========== 

        I met her a month after I became great friends with her older 
 sister, Annie.  I knew from the first sniff of her she was trouble. 

        After 3 days of hanging out she decided she hated me.  I, 
 worried, just ignored her, tried not to be around her... you know.. the 
 usual.  She came up to me, and started trouble!  So we made up, I don't 
 remember why.  And from that point on... every week she found another 
 fucking reason to be mad at me.  Little ones... usually resulting from 
 little selfish things I did to keep myself happy... nonetheless, little. 
 Nothing harmful to anyone... but anyways... 

        The only reason I ever was nice to her, repeadately was to make 
 it easy, 'cause I didn't care about her, and to make things easier for 
 her sister. 

        I've determined... Allison is the epitome of ignorance, and all 
 that good stuff that makes me not want to talk about her. 

 II. Sarah 
 ========= 

        I fell in love with Sarah's simplicity the first time I saw her. 
 Straight blonde hair, empty blue eyes, khakis, and a black tight shirt. 
 I met her at a church (long story) and from then on we were close.  We 
 gradually grew closer and closer until I (subconciously) released how  
 ignorant she was (I acknowledged it later on..) and in that ignorance I 
 found some comfort.  I wanted her... bad.  Everything I did, in 
 someway was to make her happy.  She was my submissive, little, straight 
 girl... that even though she held my hand wherever we went... out of 
 fear... I could never, ever have her.  There were times it looked 
 hopeful... 

        I remember talking to her on the phone one day, we were dating 
 brothers at the time... and she asked me if when we broke up with them 
 one day, if her and I could "go out" whatever that meant to her... who 
 knows. 

        She was always looking at some way to cling to me, closer then 
 she already was.  It gradually started with the holding of hands, moving 
 to that point where she would kiss me, flirt, little girl like... it was 
 weird.  That's all I can say... 

        I eventually acknowledged her ignorance.  I quit calling her.  I 
 quit hanging out with her.  I even ignored her calls when I saw then on 
 my caller ID.  I grew to hate, despise, abhor everything about her.  In 
 good reason, too.  Once school started I pretended things were normal 
 for simplicities sake.  She wasn't worth my time anymore. 

 III. and 
 ======== 

        Sarah's nice to my face.  Allison isn't.  

        Sarah hates me.  Allison does, too. 

        Sarah tells others not to trust me. 

        As does Allison. 

        And I don't give two shits either way. 

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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    #382 - WRITTEN BY: CAITLIN - 12/25/98 !!