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The Hogs of Entropy 0377
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #377 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Problem With Pooh" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Paganini !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/25/98 !!
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Before one reads this little "commentary"; this little
"editorial," if you will, they should take note that it may offend any
one person or group who, much like the larger half of society, worships
such childhood heroes as: Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Rogers, Transformers
(robots in disguise), Thundercats (think way back), He-Man and his
ever-loving sister: She-Ra, and of course, Winnie the Pooh.
When I was younger, I was an avid Saturday morning cartoon
watcher, as I'm sure many other people my age were. I can honestly say
that was the only time I would wake up at six in the morning to watch
T.V. I'm sure people can understand the heartache I felt if I had
accidentally slept in, and missed all the cartoons, only to find some
old Saturday Western on, or even the news. (God forbid.) Thus, these
cartoons became a great part of my childhood. When I look back on them,
I have fond memories of my early mornings, sometimes beginning at five
a.m. However, now I am able to see what exactly I had watched so
religiously all those years. I watched cartoons about little blue
people who lived in a mushroom village, and were chased down by a
freaky old man and his cat. While, all the time, they remained merry;
singing there little "la-la-la" song. I watched a show where a man
changed in front of me, and sent off his little "trolley" to that scary
little puppet world in the walls of his house. (I'm sorry, but that
rosy-cheeked queen puppet scared me, and does to this day give me
nightmares.) Yet there is one cartoon, by far the sickest of them all,
that has seeped its way into our culture: Winnie the Pooh.
This "classic" cartoon portrays all sorts of dysfunctional
characters, while taking place in Christopher Robbins dream world. I
never truly noticed any of this until I took the time to examine each
character. Perhaps the most disturbing one of them all was Eeyore. He
was this sad, blue donkey. He didn't socialize with anyone. I remember
one particular show where he didn't tell anyone it was his birthday. He
was constantly depressed, and possibly dull-witted. It just made me sad
when I saw Eeyore, especially when his tale fell off. Do you think they
could invent a more pathetic character? I mean, give the blue donkey
his dignity.
Another character that I had a problem with was Rabbit. First of
all, was Rabbit a male or a female? Rabbit was a sexually confused
bunny who lived all by himself in that big tree. He wanted nothing to
do with the other characters, (despite their cute and lovable
appearances). He spent his time working in the garden, and hated the
beavers or badgers, or woodchucks or whatever they were. He wasn't
friendly, but rather, he struck me as somewhat selfish. All he cared
about were his vegetables. Come to think of it; Rabbit never wore any
clothes. Maybe if they had put some pants on him, and maybe a big belt
buckle or something, then we'd know he was a "masculine bunny." A nice
dress would also suffice.
What was the deal with Tiger? Does he remind anyone else of
Seinfelds' Kramer. He was always bouncy, and energetic. If anyone
recalls, he was always using that little piglet for bait, from the
"monsters." He was the ring leader of their little imaginary
adventures, and by far, Rabbits worst nightmare. (A jumpy tiger that
would destroy his/her crops.) Tiger was always running around Eeyore,
too. Eeyore didn't need that. He had his own problems.
Two characters that always sort of bothered me were Kanga and
Roo. First of all, will Roo ever grow up? Does Roo have any friends, or
does he just hang out in that little hut with his mother who was always
giving him cough medicine. What was up with that? Why did Roo always
have a cold? His mother was doping him up! Maybe that's why he never
grew. Maybe that's why he always had that glassy eyed look on his face.
The other little mental case that disturbed me was Piglet. The
poor little guy had so many phobias; Freud would have given up. He was
used by his friends as bait (see: Tiger) for the pretend monsters. All
he ever really wanted was to be a hero; like a knight or a prince. The
poor little guy was just too scared, and hid in the trunk in Christopher
Robbins attic, or hid behind that large yellow bear.
That brings me to the bear we call Pooh. The now financial
giant, who has found his way into clothing, books, and numerous
children's sales, was just one of the most pathetic characters this
author (If I may call myself that... humor me.) has ever seen. He was
a compulsive eater. He risked his life and the pretend lives of others
to get food. He was so overweight that he got caught in some beavers
hole once, and couldn't get out for a week. Sure, he was nice. Yeah,
he was lovable and sweet, but it was simply too sad to watch this bear
obsess over honey.
The last character that I have failed to mention is Christopher
Robbin. Christopher Robbin was this little boy who lived in an
imaginary world within his head. There was something almost
psychedelic about the way he would escape top that place where his
friends Pooh, Tiger and Piglet would rescue him from the daily
struggles of boyhood. And now that Pooh has been lasted so long it
makes one wonder if Chris Robbin is actually this thirty-year old guy,
who still lives at home, in his little pretend forest where kangaroos,
bears and smart owls co-exist. Perhaps all he needed was a father
figure, or a friend. You know, someone to play catch with. Instead of
that, he was provided with stuffed animals. Perhaps the complexes of
these animals symbolize a deeper struggle within Chris Robbin. Maybe
they are extensions of his personality. Perhaps he is a young, sexually
confused boy, with mother complexes and depressant tendencies.
Probably not.
After looking into all these characters it is almost funny to
see what a giant Pooh has become. One can buy Pooh paraphernalia from
clothing to children's lunch boxes; books to video sing-a-longs. It
seems no matter how much our society grows and changes there will
always be room for a big yellow bear who searches for honey. While most
of the local networks have turned away from the Saturday morning
cartoon routine, finding that pre-teen shows tend to do better
now-a-days, Winnie the Pooh remains a constant. Although I, personally
have a few problems with the characters and the way they interact with
each other, I must recognize the idea that maybe this bear has done so
well because he symbolizes childhood dreams and fantasy land. He is all
we used to be when we were younger; innocent, curious and imaginative.
Perhaps that is why a big yellow bear named Pooh, and his friends will
stay with us always.
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #377 - WRITTEN BY: PAGANINI - 12/25/98 !!
