The Hogs of Entropy 0273

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

 
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! 
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #273 !! 
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !! 
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "6 Things That Are Always Funny"         !! 
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mogel                              !! 
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/6/98                                  !! 
 !!========================================================================!! 

        We here at HOE known what it takes to make people laugh.  Often 
 I've heard the question asked, "Mogel, other e'zines seem to accept 
 virtually *anything* submitted to them, but it appears as though HOE has 
 some real standards for quality."  Truer words have not been spoken. 

        With such a challege that HOE writers must undergo when preparing 
 an article, I usually recommend that they make their articles consist of 
 one of the following topics, because these 6 writing styles are always 
 funny at all times.  I hope this helps out you "wannabe" HOE writers out 
 there! 

 Funny Thing #1: Chat Logs 
 ========================= 

        We here at HOE absolutely LOVE your "wacky antics" from AOL chat 
 or IRC or ICQ or whatever!  It's always worth the read! 

 Here's an example!: 

 Watch me pretend to be a girl!  Heehee! 

 *** Fred is now known as Iamagirl! 
 <Iamagirl> how r u? 
 <Perkybutt> I'm fine. 
 <Iamagirl> would you like sum cyber luvin'??? 
 <Perkybutt> Well, since I'm sitting here in the cybersex channel and I 
            really have nothing better to do, sure, but you better not be a 
            guy imitating a girl! 

        Heehee! I WAS!!  Aren't netsex people dumb!?  Heehee! 

 Funny Thing #2: Top 10 Lists 
 ============================ 

        Yes, of all those insightfully witty things that your "friends" 
 forward you!!  A prime, very witty example would be those David 
 Letterman ripoff top ten lists!  God, those just crack me up! 

 Here's an example!: 

 "Top Ten Ways To Annoy People In The Computer Lab" 

 10. Finish your paper for class. 
  9. Imagine that your mouse once belonged to Kenneth Starr. 
  8. Decide what you want to eat for lunch. 
  7. Leave when it's time to go to class.  When class is over, come back and 
     work silently. 
  6. Ask the person next to you what time it is.  If they tell you what time 
     it is, say "Thanks." 
  5. Load up Netscape. 
  4. If something breaks on your computer, ask the supervisor to fix it. 
     Remember to be polite. 
  3. Check your e-mail.  If you've received any forwarded "joke" mail, 
     delete them. 
  2. Don't cough. 
  1. Play either solitare or minesweeper (whichever is less stressful 
     for you). 

 Funny Thing #3: TOTALLY SILLY POETRY 
 ==================================== 

        Come on, all of us have that witty, jokester poet just waiting 
 inside.  You could be the next Voltaire! 

 Here's an example!: 

                "There is Anarchy in the Summerfields" 
                by Wolf E. Preston 

                The soybeans 
                are Socialist Democract 
                with each 
                growing to a uniform height 
                never wanting 
                greater height than neighbor plants 

                The corn 
                a Monarchy, 
                tall, proud but thin, fragile; 
                standing on dirt 

                Wheat is Communist 
                using the manifesto wind 
                as an excuse 
                to wave in unison, 
                but only managing an occasional ripple 

                Green Beans 
                are Democracy 
                thinking they can grow 
                as long as they want, but 
                just getting tangled 
                in each other's vines 

 Funny Thing #4: South Park References 
 ===================================== 

        You know, I have to say it, no matter how many times I hear 
 expressions like "I WANT CHEESY POOFS!", "MR. SHIT THE CHRISTMAS SHIT!", 
 and "THEY KILLED KENNY!", I can no longer control myself.  My sides begin 
 to split and I lose oxygen in my brain. 

 Funny Thing #5: Computer jokes 
 ============================== 

        Jokes about Microsoft!  Re-written songs with computer buzzwords! 
 PUNS!  Come on, everyone, let's embrace our computer culture TOGETHER 
 with lots of unbridled laughter. 

 Here's an example!: 

        - "Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?" 
        - "Why Bill Gates Sucks A Lot More Than Even AOL!!!" 
        - "New Terrible Virus Released: Microsoft!!!" 
        - "Apple Smells, written to the tune of Jingle Bells!" 
        - % cat: cannot open food 

 Funny Thing #6: Overtly Childish Humor 
 ====================================== 

        Quite honestly, nothing gets more funny than the excessive use of 
 such giggle-magnets as having sex, going to the bathrom, racism, child 
 molestation, homosexuality, and farting. 

 Here's an example!: 

 "Mr. Turd meets Poop-Bowl" 
 by DethKiller 

 MT: No!  Don't eat me Poop-Bowl! 
 PB: I can't help it!  You're falling right into my mouth!  Mmm, do you taste 
     good! 
 MT: But I don't want to be eaten! 

        [Strawberry Shortcake pops out of Poop-Bowl's mouth.] 

 SS: I am tasty-sweet!  Love me! 
 PB: Get back down there, whore! 
 MT: Can I love you, Strawberry Shortcake?  Join me in mischeivous romantic 
     exploration. 
 SS: Mmm!  Poop-cock! 
 PB: NIGGER!  FART! 

        [Everyone lives happily ever after.] 

 !!========================================================================!! 
 !!   (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #273 -- WRITTEN BY: MOGEL -- 11/6/98   !!