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The Hogs of Entropy 0287
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #287 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "I Wanna Rock!" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/16/98 !!
!!========================================================================!!
Today, I realized the sad state of America.
At work (where I am one of the elderly, the over-20 set), I was
humming a little tune that wouldn't get out of my head. So, par my usual
Daily Annoyance, I made the comment, "UGH, I wish this song would get out
of my head!" I sat and waited for someone to take the bait, just like I
do every day I work, 6 days and 50 hours a week.
Finally, a taker.
"Alright, what's stuck in your head today," asked Matt, knowing
then that he should know better than to ask such questions.
"Poison's 'Talk Dirty To Me'," I replied.
Silence.
"Never heard of it," replied poor 16-year-old, '80s-baby Matt.
I cried.
I remembered the days of long ago, when MTV was full of Aqua Net
hairdom and everything was fun. Androgynous men sung about getting laid,
having lots of sex, and on occasion, getting a piece of ass. Scantily
clad women weren't complaining about 'equal treatment' or about being
'sex symbols', they were hopping into Corvettes driven by longhairs
wearing the latest animal print styles and participating in wild 8-on-1
orgies with various other girls of similar stature. It was a blast.
Nothing was more wonderful than the wonderful thought-provoking
lyrics of the geniuses of the age. Who could forget...
--> "You know I'm a dreamer, but my heart's of gold /
I had to run away high so I wouldn't come home low"
-- Motley Crue, "Home Sweet Home"
--> "Schoolboy's dream, she acts so shy /
Your very first kiss is your first kiss goodbye"
-- Bon Jovi, "You Give Love A Bad Name"
--> "Bang bang, shoot 'em up /
The party never ends /
You can't think of dyin' /
When the bottle's your best friend"
-- Skid Row, "18 and Life"
--> "When you make love /
Do you look in the mirror /
Who do you think of /
Does he look like me?"
-- Def Leppard, "Love Bites"
--> "Take me down to the Paradise City /
Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"
-- Guns 'N Roses, "Paradise City"
--> "I've got a girl to the left of me /
A girl on the right /
I know damn well I slept with both last night"
-- Poison, "Look What The Cat Dragged In"
--> "One girl ain't enuff for me /
I think I'll play with two /
Stack 'em up like pancakes /
Flip 'em over when I'm through"
-- Danger Danger, "Horny S.O.B."
How could we all have let this slip through our fingers!?
Children of the '90s are growing up in a world completely devoid of big
hair. Our educational system is failing badly in this area... something
must be done.
What you will need
==================
- a 14 year old who has bypassed big hair for something
"intellectually stimulating"
- a cheap copy of Warrant's "Cherry Pie"
- a very, very loud stereo
- glue
Directions
==========
1) Glue the 14 year old's ear to the speakers of the stereo.
2) Crank the volume (to 11 of course) on the stereo.
3) Press 'Play' (and if applicable, 'Repeat')
4) Return once every hour and stop the music just long enough
to ask the child, "WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO WITH YOUR LIFE???"
Save our children. Save '80s hair metal. Rock.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #287 -> WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 11/16/98 !!
