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The Hogs of Entropy 0205
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>> "HYPE eZine -- Issue 1" <<
by -> Craig Martin
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-- H Y P E --
The new ultimate eZine!
*** Issue 1. ***
Welcome ------- A different kind of eZine!
eZines' are becoming notorious for being full of junk, and put bluntly,
boring. However, hope is on the horizon with the introduction of Hype! This
biweekly small burst of text is designed just to make you smile or relax for
a couple of minutes during your hard work. I'd like to point out that we
encourage reader participation (so write to us with your comments and
letters), and we'll endeavour to do out best in keeping this eZine
interesting and on track. Well, there's nothing else to say, except, enjoy
it!
1. Strange? -------- Mobile phoneys?
It's common knowledge that you can't concentrate on driving if you're
talking into a mobile phone. It's also a tragically '80s pastime. But
Chilean police recently stopped no less than 49 drivers for yakking while in
charge of a motor vehicle. Not a particularly interesting tale, except for
the phones the motoring miscreants were speaking into. Surprisingly, the
most popular device wasn't a Nokia, Panasonic or Motorola. In fact, an
entirely new brand is the Chilean driver's phone of choice: over a third of
the pulled-over motorists were found to be using mobile phones made out of
blocks of wood, painted black. Draw your own conclusions about our friends
in Chilli.
2. Health Warning -------- Reading Good for You? Think Again.
Recent research indicates that if you read books, magazines, or computer
screens regularly, your chances of requiring glasses or contact lenses
later-in-life are increased by up to 40%. It is to do with the way your
eye's lens and cornea has to unnaturally focus to read close-up small text.
An extended period of close range focus weakens the tiny muscles in your eye
that focus an image. Ultimately, this causes long or short sighted related
problems. Ways to reduce the stress on your eyes muscles are simple: every
few minutes look away from what you are doing to a distant object for a
couple of seconds -- this temporally relieves the muscles, it will also help
you concentrate for longer and reduces the chance of developing a headache;
make sure the text you are reading is quite large, if the text is very
small, it is advisable to use a magnifying glass or similar device; finally,
use the zoom function on your computers' word processor. Most people will
already know about the dangers of ear damage resulting from loud music --
now it seems the same warning may apply for reading... only do it for short
periods of time!
3. Music ------- Hanson: Who?
Avid guitar players all over the world maybe tempted to pick up the "Hanson
Score Music" book to help stretch themselves and learn some new chords at
the same time. However, imagine the dismay when they find out that Hanson's
hit, Mmmm Bop, consists of only three chords, and simplistic lead staff
notes. The chords, being A, E and D, are the easiest in the game, and
someone that has only been playing the guitar for a couple of months could
walk through them with his/hers eyes shut. Is this the confirmation we've
all been looking for? That Hanson, are, indeed talentless. Still, the
question remains; why didn't the record company just trade the Hanson
brothers in for three female learner guitar players? At least that would
have saved some people from the shameful mistake of getting Hansons' sex
confused. Ah well, maybe next week they'll decide just to finish the job
off properly, and go into hospital for that famous operation.
- Want to argue Hanson case? E-Mail address at the end, friend.
4. New Year Tales -------- A Night, A Nightclub [part 1].
We begin sometime around 1998, seven hours before to be precise. That
problem has arisen again: how are we going to get home? Car is out of
bounds, that's for sure. I don't think anybody would fancy the scenario of
being pulled over by the Boys in Blue, especially when they have 10 pints of
larger neatly tucked away in their stomach - besides, lets face it, it's
even more anti-social than having a T-shirt with the slogan "Nazi Power!"
painted with blood on the back. Public transport is not an option, unless
you count footpaths as a form of public transport. So, it looks once again
like a Taxi. Hang on, it's New Years eve, and after midnight. Isn't that
just inviting a rip-off? A risk we will have to take, it seems.
Nearing the time of departure; time to get ready. I get out my great new
clothes I acquired in the sales last week - a stylish shirt that resembles
an early Dali surrealist painting. Three hours later I've finished removing
that build-up of grime from 'those places' that I've been collecting
since last year. Now comes the hair. Typically, it refuses to go where I
want it to go. I'll have to just settle for the natural look. Don't you
find that however much you try, you can never be happy with what you look
like? Anyway, after much fussing, I decided it didn't really matter since
it was going to be dark in the club.
We arrive in town at about 7:30ish. There's a huge mob gathering inside the
station, and amazingly we manage to spot our 'contact' who knows the club
manager. Yes, I admit, I'm one of those annoying people that jumps queues
whenever possible. By the time we get to the club (a 25 minute walk), the
winds had a field day with my hair. Now I stand outside the club looking
like I've just been dragged through a bush, been left lying in a ditch for
a day, had Edward Scissorhands cut my hair, been dragged back through the
bush, and to top it all off, someone has just given me a nasty fright. Do
you ever feel like that, or is it just me?
- Want to find out what happens in the actual nightclub? I think you do!
Continued next issue. If you have an experience you are willing to share,
please, please, please send it to us. We'd love to hear about it.
5. School -------- Pressure.
With exams looming for many of us, it gets harder and harder to get them out
of your mind. Every year the pressure put on society's teenagers increases
at an alarming rate. More tests, more targets, more responsibilities are
added. Tips for beating the pressure follow, hopefully, you won't have
heard them before and they do help.
a) Do work early. We all know how easy it is to leave it until the last
minute. Completing it early may give you a bad 'image', but it does take a
load off your shoulders and allows you to enjoy yourself a lot more.
b) When doing work, do it 30 minute steps. It is scientifically proven that
your brain can only concentrate for around 30 minutes without wondering. 30
minutes work, 10 minutes rest, another 30 minutes work, etc... This will
increase your productivity!
c) If you're at collage or university, you will be feeling lonely. Sure,
you have many 'friends', but none of them are really someone you can talk
to about anything. Give your real friends, and family, a ring. You'll feel
a lot better about it!
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*** Acknowledgements ***
Issue readers: 40 email, 20 printed. 60 total.
Please forward this email to anyone who you think may be interested in it!
If you have received it from a forward, and wish to receive it directly
every two weeks, please send an email to "hype@btinternet.com" with
"Subscribe" in the subject. If you wish to stop receiving Hype, please send
email to "hype@btinternet.com" requesting this.
Any comments, letters, etc. should be sent to "hype@btinternet.com".
All contents (c) 1998 Hype Magazine.
Editor: Craig Martin
Co-writer: James Matheson
Thank you for your continued support!
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #205 -- written by Craig Martin -- 3/06/98 *
