The Hogs of Entropy 0209

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

The Hogs of Entropy

 · 5 years ago

  

 
                                $$$$$$$$$$$ 
                                $$$$$$$$$$$   hogz of entropy #209 
               $$$$$P           $$$$   $$$$  moo, oink, up your butt. 
               $$$$P            $$$$  x$$$$ 
               $$$P             $$$$ xP$$$$      d$$$$$$$$$$$. 
               $$$.             $$$$xP $$$$     $$$$$$'  >$$$$ 
               $$$$$$$$$.       $$$$P  $$$$     4$$$$$. .$$$$' 
               $$$$'`4$$$b.     $$$$   $$$$      4$$$$$$$$$P' 
               $$$$b  4$$$$b.   $$$$$$$$$$$       4$$$<          %% 
               $$$$$b  4$$$$$x  $$$$$$$$$$$        4$$$$$$$$$    %% 

                            >> "Boobie the Pig" << 
                                by -> Kraftwerk 

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 ED: "boobie! you gert down hare! i need joo to pull my plow!!!" 
     "BOOBIEEEEE!!!! BOOBIE!!!!! HERE BOOBIE BOOBIE BOOBIE!" 

 MA: "Ed, what's all that racket! how am i supposed to knit this sweater for 
     the chicken if you're screaming at the top of your lungs like that???" 

 ED: "Sorry, ma! I jurst need ol' Boobie to come and pull this here plow!" 

        [ Edgar, setting out in search of the elusive Boobie, heads for the 
          barn. ] 

 ED: "Now Boobie, you come out here right this instant!" 

        [ We hear an angry grunt from underneath the trough. ] 

 ED: "Boobie, if you don't come out right this instant, you will never get 
     your slop again!" 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  grunt grunt, snort snort, grunt! 

 ED: "you don't give me no lip, young lady! i don't care if you _do_ think 
     you have herpes, you're-a pulling this here plow! 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  gruntttt!! grunt grunt, squealllll!!! 

        [ Hearing this vile epitaph, brave ed attempts to pull boobie from 
          the barn! ] 

 ED: "what in the 9 hells have you been eatin', woman!" 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  squealllllllll#!$#@!$#@!  

 ED: "i'm sorry, boobie! you're not fat, honestly!" 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  grunt. squeal grunt grunt. 

 ED: "Ok, now Boobie, would you _please_ pull the plow?" 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  grunt. 

 ED:  "you're the best, boobie!" 

        [ tra-la-la, ed proceeds to hitch Boobie to the plow, and sets out 
          into the field. ] 

 STRANGER:  "Hey there, neighbor. that's a nice lookin' pig." 

 ED: "awww shucks, sir, it's just ma' pig." 

 STRANGER: "Care to sell her?" 

 ED: "You want to buy my Boobie?" 

 STRANGER:  "uh, no.  i don't want your boobie." 

 ED: "well, then! why'd you ask to buy my pig??" 

 STRANGER:  "Because I want to buy your pig, not your boobie." 

 ED: "What?" 

 STRANGER:  "do you or do you _not_ want to sell your pig?" 

 ED: "no! you can't buy my Boobie!" 

 STRANGER:  "oh, fuck you! you gay, boy???? huh? I don't want your boobies." 

 BOOBIE, THE PIG:  SQUEALLLLL$!$#@! GRUNT SQUEALL!$#!@ 

        [ At this point, our heroine pig becomes enraged, and attacks the 
          STRANGER. ] 

        [ In a flash, Boobie jumps 5 feet from the ground in line with the 
          STRANGER'S face, and proceeds to fart in it! ] 

 STRANGER:  "EWWWWWWW, A PIG FART! STINKY!!" 

        [ BOOBIE, mortally offended, jumps high into the air again, and put's 
          her curly cute tail... RIGHT THROUGH HIS EYE! ] 

 ED: "Good job, Boobie! now finish that plowin'!" 

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    * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #209 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 3/13/98 *